How to Live Boldly in the Body You have Now, Especially as you Age || with Meg Hadley

Join dietitian Meg Hadley and me as we open up about the challenging topic of body image, especially as we age. We discuss the personal and societal pressures women face to conform to certain body standards, Meg provides profound insights on the body image spectrum, and we explore the unrealistic expectations set by diet culture and the importance of shifting our focus from trying to shrink our bodies to expanding our lives.

Together, we share practical tips on how to live more fully in the bodies we have now, and how to reclaim mental and emotional space from the obsession with body size. This conversation is a reminder that boldness looks different for everyone, and it’s about taking the steps that feel right for you to push back against societal norms and truly appreciate the body you have today.

Let's redefine what it means to live boldly and embrace a more positive relationship with our bodies at any age.

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TRANSCRIPT

Monica Packer: Meg Hadley, welcome to About Progress.

Meg Hadley: Thank you so much for having me, Monica. I've been really excited to have this conversation with you.

Monica Packer: I'm relieved to have this conversation with you. It's not only refreshing to talk to someone who knows this personally, but also professionally, how to live boldly in the bodies that we have. And I think we're putting another thing on the end of that, including or even more so, especially as you age. And I'm just going to start right off and say, This has been one of the surprising forms of insecurity I've been facing the last few years, even though I've done so much work on identity and separating it from my body, it still has challenged me to be in a body that looks and feels different for me.

And I know that's just the start. So can we begin by getting clear about the messaging that women are receiving in general, but including as they're beginning the aging process about their bodies?

Meg Hadley: Well, I, I feel like I'm, I'm like right in my mid forties. So like the stuff that I, I hear coming, you know, I can relate so much to, you know, experiencing these body changes that I don't feel like anybody really talked about happening like

this early in the stage of things. I was like, you know, late thirties, I feel like I started noticing shifts and then things just kept shifting and my body continued to change.

And I, you know, I feel like because of that, I've started to pay more attention to the messages that are coming at us about this and almost kind of seeking them out because I, I put so much, uh, because of the work that I do, I put so much in my social media feed and whatnot. It's so tailored to hearing, um, Uh, messages that align with my own when it comes to food and body.

And so I've been trying to seek out and hear over the years, like, what is it that we're hearing at the stage? Because this has to be such an adjustment for so many women to experience more belly fat, you know, to experience more sagging, more roles, different things are just different clothes fit differently.

And, uh, that meat that puts us in such a vulnerable place. And so,

you know. I felt like I'd be interested to see what you're seeing out there, but I feel like a lot of what I saw was a message that was like, of course, there's those specific like stubborn belly fat, you know, there's the stubborn belly fat messages.

And these are the things that you can do stubborn belly fat. There's this, uh, these bodies need protein and massive amounts of protein. There's that message out there to the, to the extent that I feel like women could make, you know, calculating protein grams, like a whole nother, you know, Part time job on

top of their existing jobs, right?

Um, there's just a lot of emphasis on. You should be paying attention to this issue and working against it. And so the message I feel like. That women are hearing is that, okay, your body is shifting now try harder, you know,

here are more hoops to jump through right at a time in our lives where that is the last thing that any of us need.

You know, we have, we may have children, we may have, aging parents, uh, we may be at kind of the height of our career so far. We have known and learned so much. It is such a. a cool place and also such a demanding place in our lives. And here we have our bodies changing, which we're like, wait, what, what is this?

And the message that we're receiving in response is like, Oh no, you can fix that. And you should just double down and try harder. Here's, you know, 20 different ways that you can try to do this.

Monica Packer: Oh gosh, that really hit me when you said do more, especially when we've already had that message our whole lives to do, do, do, especially when it comes to our bodies and it all comes down to a character weakness if we don't look like the people on the cover of the magazines. So I think we know this logically about how this can affect the way we view our bodies and ourselves, but coupled with the The added pressures of beginning to age or being in the, well into the aging process. What are we living out, consequence wise, like what are you seeing out there about how this is affecting women and the lives they are living, or not really living?

Meg Hadley: It makes our bodies a lifelong project, really, because our bodies aren't done changing. They're not done changing for midlife. Like I said, even just in my personal experience of the past, you know, six years, our bodies will continue to change. We will constantly, every day, move further away from the beauty standard that's Put before us.

Um, and so, you know, it can make it to where your body becomes this lifelong project. I mean, the truth of the matter is, is that statistics show that over 90 percent of women are dissatisfied with their bodies and they're dieting in response to that. And dieting means Really any attempt to change your body shape or size, um, you know, a lot of times we think diet, we think really extreme stuff, but really Cali tracking on my fitness pal and trying to hurt certain numbers or things like that count as well as a, as a way to try to change your body shape and size.

And it takes a lot of, , Energy from us and headspace from us. , and because of that, like the truth of matter is, is most women will spend their forties and their fifties, you know, still endlessly trying to make their body smaller. And I think at sacrifice of different ways that we could be making our lives bigger, because.

It does require so much headspace. It's the hoops to jump through. It's the, it's the tracking of the protein and the counting of the calories or the macros or whatever it might be. Most women that come to see me, um, I always have a magic question in the end after we unpacked all kinds of stuff together for like an hour and 15 minutes.

I'm like you could wave a magic wand like what? What would happen? And women are always like, yes, I would love to be smaller. But the first thing that out of their mouths is always, I would like to think less about food and my body. That is the thing I hear consistently over and over and over again is I feel like I think about food, my body all the time.

And I would like to think about it less. And like, it begs the question of like, What could we be thinking about? What would that inspire us to, do? How much better could we possibly feel if we weren't thinking about that all of the time? Because rarely is it in a positive way, right? It's usually in a negative way that affects how we show up in the world.

Because if we're constantly thinking about how we're feeling in this area of our lives, it can impact the way we show up. Um, and we can show up less boldly. In, In, all different areas of our lives.

Monica Packer: I would love some examples of that. And I think that would help both myself and the listeners really be able to picture that for ourselves. Like, what are the ways that I am standing on the sidelines of my life because so much of my headspace is being captured by this, this obsession that I don't even want. So can you tell us some examples of women, like what are things they've been putting on hold and waiting for?

Meg Hadley: Yeah, I've had women tell me that, uh, they are in jobs where they need to regularly be in front of audiences and they are questioning themselves before they go up there. They are thinking, the words that I hear repeated is, how can anybody take me seriously in this body?

Monica Packer: Hmm. Okay.

Meg Hadley: What, what would be unleashed in that woman if she didn't have that thought before she got up on stage, you know, um, what types of things would she go for?

What, what different places could her message be brought out to you if she didn't say to herself, how can anybody take me seriously? In this body. Um, there's women who say, I will take, um, this class or I will take this vacation. I will, uh, be more intimate with my partner when my body, you know, becomes

Monica Packer: A smaller.

Meg Hadley: When my body comes smaller, that when my body comes smaller, then I'll participate in the different types of movement that I'm interested in participating in.

Um, you know, when my body comes smaller, then maybe I'll feel more comfortable wearing the bathing suit at the pool with my kids and I'll get in the water more instead of sitting on the side of the pool.

Um, you know, Those are some of the things that I find that women have told me that they held back from taking steps forward in. But there's also just the, way that we might be experiencing those things when we're doing them. Somebody might be getting in the pool with the kid. They might be putting on the swimsuit and doing it anyway.

Right. But what's happening in their head the entire time is, is comparison is wondering what people think about them and their body. Um, and what I found is that when women are able to work more in this area, they're able to be more inclusive. In their body, instead of outside their body, wondering what people are thinking about their body when they're in these experiences.

And so I

think one of the things that happens then is connection,

Monica Packer: Connection to themselves and to the other people. Okay.

Meg Hadley: connection to themselves, but connection to their experiences and other people.

Um, you know, another way that I feel like sometimes women feel held back is that there's so many social experiences that happen around food. It can be a one to one friend experience. Um, Sometimes that, you know, the first thing that somebody does when they sit down is they're trying to figure out, I call it mental Jenga.

Like, how does this out to eat meal fit within the rest of my food day? Like, I, I eat this, what can I have or not have later, you know, or if somebody is feeling like they need to count or track something that's happening in their head. Like, how does this fit in instead of that connection? Across the table and that connection can be masked.

Monica Packer: Okay. So before we go on to some ways that they can work towards that, being present, actually experiencing what's happening to their bodies and in their bodies and with other people and with themselves, I think it might be nice to paint a picture of what they can expect to be normal what can they expect to happen to their body?

And it's still, it may, it may not be fun, but it's

still normal and it's actually healthy. Like maybe we have more fat or wrinkles or rolls. So answer that for me. What can they expect,

Meg Hadley: Well, they can expect that They may not know what to expect.

You know, I always tell my clients is that

I don't have a magic ball and I can't promise what will happen to your body when you stop constantly trying to make it smaller. Um, it can stay the same. It can become bigger. It can become smaller. It could, anything could happen to one's body and anybody who's trying to tell you that you can always receive one predictable outcome from doing anything.

Is, is not telling the whole truth and there's no way we can know how a body is going to respond, um, to any type of changes that we do. And so, you know, somebody might have still a stomach that they're uncomfortable with or thighs that still rub together or arms that still flap or that they hate in pictures whenever they leave their arm down, you know, that somebody may still have those things.

Somebody may still not love the way that they look in pictures, but. They may be loving the life that they're living around those things more because there's a there's a trade off I feel like that's not what we're ever told is that if you're if you're constantly Having to work so hard to try to make or keep keep to is another Message keep your body smaller because fear of weight gain can be equally as restrictive in life as trying to lose weight There's there's a trade off for that.

Um, there's a trade off and that's in the energy. And so women might say like yeah, like I don't love my stomach Yeah, I wish that I was X number of sizes smaller but I'm not thinking about food in my body all the time anymore, you know, I feel like when I go to the beach now with my family, I feel like I can be more present and just have fun, you know, I feel like I'm not worrying so much and playing mental Jenga at different changes up with my eating.

I can be flexible. You know, I can enjoy food more. Um, it's, it's a level of enjoyment overall that increases and, and it might be, and, and I'm not super comfortable with my body either, but it doesn't mean that you still can't enjoy life. I think the message that we always get around thinness is that if I'm thinner, then I'm going to be happier, more successful, more accepted.

You know, that is the path that we're told is that if we go this way, then that's how we get to these things that we want. When in reality, is that we can have those things by starting to have them invest them in the body that we have now immediately. Like you don't have to get a path to get there, but releasing those messages can be hard.

Monica Packer: Yeah, I think it's always good to know out the gate what to expect as you are making shifts to treat your body healthfully, but not to always be in the pursuit of smallness, uh, that, you know, to fall for that messaging. It's, it's good to know what works, what's part of that. It's going to be a little bit messy.

It means it doesn't mean you're going to love it all of a sudden. And, and there are going to be changes to your body that you may not like, and that's okay.

Meg Hadley: It's okay.

Monica Packer: So let's talk about how to actually do this. How can we live more boldly in the bodies we have now and as our bodies change, as we get older?

Meg Hadley: One of them is it's. It's, it's kind of doing some work that can help move along, you know, the, what I call the body image spectrum, you know, one end of the body image spectrum might be body hate. Like I can't stand my body. Disgusting is a word I hear a lot of women use, you know.

I hate my body. Um, and then there's body dislike and there's body neutrality and there's body acceptance.

There's body like, and there's body love. That's what I kind of perceive. I'm sure a lot of people could find a lot of different lovely words along the way. And I find that when Women can begin moving. And one is, you know, having conversations like this of realizing that there is actually a whole nother way of being able to look at this, um, for someone who has never occurred to them that they don't have to try to lose weight, um, that that is even an option.

And anytime we move, like, even if we're still in a very negative body image space, when we start moving from the body hate. to the more, to a more positive outlook on it, um, you can start to feel some relief. And, you know, I always try, I always remind women of a certain exercise that I like to do. Um, do you, do you have a picture of yourself, like when you were younger and you didn't like your body then, and you were like, maybe obsessing about your body a lot at that time,

and you didn't like it.

And you look at that picture now and you are like, What in the world did I have an issue with that body?

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Meg Hadley: what is that problem? Most women can relate to that experience that is because it wasn't, I mean, it wasn't the body that was the issue then, you know, it's not the body that's the issue now.

It's our perspective around our bodies and that perspective can shift and change the body that you have now is the body that you will wish you had. 10, 15 years from now and starting to learn to appreciate things about the body you have now, well, my stomach, my stomach is not, um, What I would like it to be, you know, but, , I also have this body that I can do X, Y, and Z with and begin to start to remind oneself of some of the things that it does do for you, that you like, that adds to like your get to life.

Um, and. And begin to start to shift and change a little bit from, from the more negative and remembering that, you know, the perspective about our body can change. Like we can change that. It's, it's a reminder that like the line will always move. I think this hit me really hard after childbirth. Um, when I had my first child, um, you know, there were parts of my body that I always like, I mean, they were the ones I do what is called body checking in the mirror.

They were the ones I was squishing and trying to be like, could, is there any angle that this can look any kind of smaller? Like, what if this looked smaller? What would my body look like? And I remember after I had my first child, that area of my body was just, you know, Massacred with, with stretch marks, you know, just really bright, wide, deep purple stretch marks.

And I was, I felt like my stomach had sunk. I was like, Oh my gosh, this is horrible. Horrible was what I thought. And At that moment, I realized that this part of my body that I had hated so much before that I really didn't like, that I wished was so different, I would give anything to have back.

I would have given anything to have it back at that point.

I'd spent all that time and energy disliking it. And now one change in my body and I would have given anything to have it before. And that's what I always want women to remember is that that line will always move. So working on this is the body that I have now and what are the things that I can appreciate.

About this body is not a magic light switch that it all of a sudden leads to, you know, Oh, now I like my body. This is great. But it starts to change the internal narrative of constantly thinking, I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like this. I don't like this too. Okay. Maybe there's some things about this that aren't so bad.

And what if we start spending some more time there?

Monica Packer: mm-hmm Yeah, I think it's equal parts. It feels like a massive undertaking to rewire the way you see your body, but at the same time, the way you get there is through this very practical and small method of just trying to switch to some appreciation of it,

you know, for what it can do and what it's allowing you to experience, which also goes hand in hand with what you talked about earlier about living in your body.

You know, actually experiencing it.

Meg Hadley: Mm hmm.

Monica Packer: Can we continue with that idea too? Like, what are some ways they can shift to that boldness, which doesn't even seem that bold, but it is, right? Like to, to actually be present in your body for experiences.

Meg Hadley: Yeah, I think if there's some experiences that I've mentioned that would resonate with somebody, I would say, like, if somebody's like, yeah, I mean, the first thing I do when I go out to eat is I stress about what I'm eating. Say, what would it be like to try out, just, just go and say, I'm going to find the first thing that sounds good to me and I'm just going to order it, you know, and begin flexing some of those muscles.

If it's somebody who, uh, when we haven't talked about yet, but like maybe changes outfits like 20 times, um, before they go out the door and is still, I'm always like, were you happy? Would you, did you finally find the outfit you were happy with? They're like, no, I

still wasn't happy. It's

like, what would it be like to say, okay, I can have, you know, I can have two output changes, you know, and, and I'm going to stay with that.

And I'm going to say that, like, I, I'm not super happy with what I see in the mirror, but I have a life to live and I need to go out and, and be able to live it. Like, I'm not going to allow this to continue to drag me down here. You know, um, what would it be like to, have some of the courage to maybe show up visibly in pictures?

Uh, you know, another thing we hadn't talked much about is a lot of times women will avoid being in pictures.

Monica Packer: Yeah.

Meg Hadley: what would it be like in 2025 to make a commitment to oneself to say, I'm going to show up in the family pictures?

and it's not going to matter what I'm wearing and You know and that might be the step it might be not be looking at the pictures and feeling great about them yet But the first step might be being in the pictures, you know And then there's work that I do with my clients a lot of times around You know, pictures and starting to feel better about what they see in a picture, but being there and doing the thing is the, is the first thing and starting to, to decide where in my area am I holding myself?

Where in my life am I holding myself back because of

the way I feel about my body?

Monica Packer: So this kind of path I'm seeing, you know, as we're paying attention to where we are in this body image spectrum that you brought up, trying to shift away from shame and hatred to neutrality, to like, to love. I'm sure I didn't get the, all the terminology right, but somewhere along there. So starting with appreciation and having that lens of curiosity by asking what would it be like, and then trying to step into that, what would it be like?

Well, if I weren't worrying about my body, I would actually just hug my family members in the photo and be, and like be present for that feeling of being in that moment and with my family and the times we're having together, instead of worrying about the way I'm posed. So it's doing something to actually follow through with what it would be like.

Am I right?

Meg Hadley: Yes, absolutely. And what happens is, is that, you know, If we can kind of face like, what is it that I'm afraid of, you know, if I'm in these

pictures with my family, you know, is it, is it that you're afraid that of way they're going to think about the way you look, is it the way you feel about the way you look starting to get under that a little bit, like we, some of that behavior is so normalized in our society, avoiding being in pictures, and so kind of getting under that a little bit can be helpful in saying, you know, yeah.

I will, I will be okay if I, if I'm in the picture, even if I don't like the picture, I will be okay. And my kids will have pictures to be able to remember me by down the road, much longer in life. I'll be able, we'll remember this moment together and, you know, by doing the thing, you know, and us being okay on the flip side of it, it starts to.

Become more natural. We start, our confidence starts growing in doing these things and it doesn't become this, this kind of this thing that we just have built a lot of fear around and feel like we have to stay away from.

Monica Packer: So as you've been talking, I've been thinking about this word bold. And when I think about that spectrum, I just want to honor the people who are like, but I'll, you know, they think that to live boldly means they're suddenly jumping to the other side of the spectrum. That they're jumping from like, not even swimming with a family to suddenly wearing a string bikini and taking all the pictures. So I just want to help the people. Who are struggling with that, that mentality that that means they just have to jump to being doing the craziest, scariest, hardest things. And I already know the answer from you just because of our conversation so far that boldly doesn't mean that. So can you tell us what it actually means then for

them so they can do this?

Meg Hadley: Every time that we don't allow these messages that we get about our bodies that, that, that make us feel like we don't like our bodies because we weren't born that way. I mean, think about your toddler, Monica, I mean, is your toddler ashamed of their body? I mean,

most of the time we're trying to get them to put clothes on their bodies instead of running around naked that all of us have that toddler.

Like we were taught along the way. That there's something about our bodies that's, that's not okay, or that we should be working on or changing. And so any time that we are pushing back on that message where it makes us want to shrink ourselves smaller, and instead we're taking a step to do something different than what we feel like we quote unquote should be doing because of that message.

to like, this is the year of 2025 or where I'm not going on a diet. I do it every year and I'm not going to do it this year. That's bold. You know, when I'm, when I say I'm going to find a, a swim dress that I feel more comfortable in, uh, and, and try to be in the water and try to, you know, Be able to allow myself to relax and focus on just get lost in having fun with my family.

That's bold. That's bold. It's, I think it's any steps that we're taking towards pushing back on that message that we should not be okay with our bodies and that they should be a lifelong project and that there are things that we shouldn't, shouldn't be doing. Um, because our body's not ready yet, you know, quote unquote ready.

Um, that's bold.

Monica Packer: Okay. I'm so glad that we were able to chat about that because I am one of those people I've spent almost. Two decades now in recovery, and it's always a work in progress, but I am definitely so much farther up that spectrum than I was 20 years ago, but nobody will ever see me in a bikini, like no one.

And that's okay.

I'm still living life boldly and my cute mom, one piece and being in the pictures and going in on the hikes or going to the dance class I used to think I couldn't go to anymore. That's what we want. I think the boldness is that you're living your life boldly. In a world that wants you to be shrunk away,

Meg Hadley: that's it. That's it. And so bold for one person is going to be different for another person.

If it's the thing, if there's, there's definitely things that I've said here that I know for some women are like, that kind of feels a little scary.

So like, what's a step, if that's a direction that you want to take, that you want to feel like you have what I call is like a little more wiggle room in your life.

Yeah. In that area where it doesn't feel as oppressive or restricting, like what's one step that you can find to move in that direction? What feels right for you? And it doesn't mean that boldness looks like one thing for everybody. Like you've mentioned. It doesn't mean that every, you've reached boldness when you're in the string bikini, the thong bikini,

you know, that's more popular now,

then

Monica Packer: I know,

Meg Hadley: boldness.

That's not what we're talking about here because bold, bold is, is relative for each person. And it's more so about if, if there's a message that's telling you, you can't until. you know, or you shouldn't, or your body's not ready, or you need to fix it first. It's, it's pushing back on that some in a practical way.

That is the amount that that person's ready for anytime we're pushing back on that. That's, that's boldness.

Monica Packer: especially in a world that's telling you to do Anything but,

Meg Hadley: Anything but,

Monica Packer: up space in any way, um, is bold. Oh, this has been such a needed conversation. Meg, I always end with one final question, but before we do that, where should people go if they want to learn more from you?

Meg Hadley: uh, well on Instagram, I hang out at Meg Hadley. Uh, and you can go to my website, meg hadley.com. And. I have a workbook that women have loved working through that I can send you a link for. That's not a link I can rattle off if you

want it for the shenanigans, Monica, but it's a, it's a workbook that it is broken up in four steps for women to be able to reflect on some of these things about their own individual experiences.

It has the body image spectrum in it. It talks more about that as well. Uh, and so, um, I can certainly link that in there as well.

Monica Packer: We will make sure we link to that. So yeah, email me after and we'll put it in the show notes. So. We always end with this question and it's, what is one small way women can take action on what they learned today?

Meg Hadley: One small way that women could take action on what they learn today. Uh, would be, I think, to remind themselves that the line always moves, that the body that they have now is the body that they'll wish they had

10 to 15 years from now. Um, maybe to decide for themselves what life would look like differently, if, if they could wave that magic wand and feel more comfortable in their bodies, like what if I, if I wasn't worried about what my body would look like, what would be different?

And maybe journal about that some, um, and say, is there anything in here that I want to do? Like an area that I want to lean into more to try to have more freedom in that area of more ease, more peace, more enjoyment.

Monica Packer: Beautiful. Meg, thank you very much for being on the show. That

Meg Hadley: Thank you so much for having me, Monica. This is wonderful.

Monica Packer: was so great. 

So let's talk about how to actually do this. Like, how can we. Live more Bo Lemme say this again. How would,

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