“How do I stay consistent with my habits when my life circumstances change?” || Coaching Call with Alicia

Are life's unexpected twists making it hard to stick to your routines? In today’s episode I'm airing a coaching call with Alicia, a stay-at-home mom grappling with how to keep her exercise habits consistent amid life's many changes. We dive deep into redefining what baseline habits look like, so they remain achievable and fulfilling.

You'll hear practical advice on overcoming decision fatigue, embracing the contradictions within ourselves, and discovering how to make habits inherently supportive. Whether you're a long-time listener or new to the show, this episode offers valuable insights for anyone looking to stay consistent with their routines, amidst life's changing seasons.

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TRANSCRIPT

 

Monica Packer: Hi, this is Monica Packer and you are listening to about progress where we are about progress made practical.

Is it just me or are we all, all already dreading the spring season? Now, don't get me wrong, I adore, having still cool and yet warmer weather. I love getting my garden ready and spending more time outside, and it is the best to have more daylight hours from earlier in the morning to later at night.

But what I dread is how the spring season forces my schedule to change. For the Packer family. That's because we have spring sports. Now I do my best to not over schedule my kids, but spring is where a lot of sports naturally happen, and even if I have just one child doing one sport at a time, it's lot of running around, especially for us as a one car family.

A friend said this to me the other day, and I just thought it totally encapsulates what this feels like. She said, when you sign your child up for baseball, you're signing yourself up too. The shift to seasons require a shift to how we manage our days down to even our most important and consistent habits.

But seasonal shifts aren't the only thing that create that sort of necessary change. Sometimes it's our health. Sometimes it's a great thing like adding a child to the family. Sometimes it's a very hard thing, like a loved one passing away. I. Regardless of what in your circumstances change and how those shifts require you to also shift in your habits, I am sure you will relate to today's coaching call with a progressor named Alicia.

Alicia sought out coaching with me to try to make sense of whether or not her baseline for exercise was too easy, and this question came up. Because of a recent hardship her family faced and how it forced her to change the way she was exercising. And in doing so, it made her second guess her baseline.

Like maybe it didn't count or maybe it wasn't enough. So I coached Alicia through that conundrum, but just know, it also felt like I was coaching myself because regardless of why we all face seasonal and life shifts that throw us off our habit game. As you will hear with Alicia, just because we have to change things, it doesn't mean we aren't persistent in the changing and the being flexible and pivoting with the way we do habits.

We are. Just that we are persistent. That coaching call is coming up after a quick break for our sponsors.  

This episode is sponsored by Air Doctor. Americans spend an average of 90 percent of their time indoors, but did you know that the indoor air we breathe can be up to 100 times more polluted than outdoor air? I think a lot of you are coming around to that fact because I've gotten more and more messages asking what air purifier I have and if I'd recommend it.

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AirDoctor comes with a 30 day money back guarantee plus a three year warranty and 84 value free. Get this exclusive podcast only offer now at airdoctorpro. com. That's a I R D O C T O R P R O. com using promo code Monica. One of the longstanding things that has connected us as a community is the Do Something List. The first one I ever made way back in 2016, totally changed my life and actually led to this podcast. And I have heard from hundreds of women over the years from the About Progress community that the Do Something List has changed their lives too.

What is it? Well, it's a way for you to prioritize your own fulfillment, to explore who you are, And all outside the pressures of goals and resolutions. If you're ready to have more hobbies, to have more creativity, to have more fun or rest or connection this year, whatever it is, make sure you make your own do something list.

to help you. I have a free training that is ready for you online right now. Go to aboutprogress. com slash DSL, and you can sign up for my free training, which includes a video and audio workshop resources, including a guide and examples of so many DSLs from real women of this community.

Again, go to aboutprogress. com slash DSL to get your free training. Alicia, thank you for being willing to be coached for about progress today.

Alicia: Thank you for having me.

Monica Packer: Tell us a little bit about you.

Alicia: Um, I am a stay at home mom of four kids. They range from 13 to three. and I, I am a recovering perfectionist, just like you talked about. I very much relate to your experience as a recovering perfectionist.

So.

Well, I'm glad for that. I mean, that means we already have a lot in common, not to mention you have a very busy life with that spread of kids and the amount of kids.

Yeah, it is busy.

Monica Packer: Yeah, I bet. So, so what brought you to a coaching call?

Alicia: I have been listening to your podcast and following you on Instagram for I want to say seven or eight years.

Um, it's been a long time and I've learned a lot, but one thing that I consistently struggle with Is with habits are, choosing a baseline for the habit. I, you know, the goal with the habits for me is consistency. So I know that if I'm not doing a habit 1 day, I will, I will do it again. And that's not something.

I've always been very good at. Um, but the, with the baselines, I feel like I often go too easy. So I don't get the fulfillment from the habit that I want to get, or it's still too much. So on those hard days, I still kind of have this mental block and I'm not, I can't seem to get past it to actually do the habit and with that any shift in my life and sometimes it's a big shift, um, like we recently had a death in our family and it's been hard.

Thank you. Um, but it's even things like. We have a week of sickness, and that week throws off all those habits, and it's, it's weeks, and sometimes even months to get back into a flow again, and I want those baselines so I can continue to do the habits that really helped me feel like myself and feel good.

Yeah.

Alicia: Um. But I can never seem, not never, but I, it's just so, such a struggle for me to set that baseline and have it be fulfilling, but also easy. So those are kind of my struggles.

Monica Packer: And I would say that you're not alone in these struggles. It's almost that thing that you have to kind of live out in order to make sense of instead of just hearing it intellectually, which I think hopefully will get you to be able to do both.

So you not just hear my advice, but you're able to carry it out. Um, so it sounds like the biggest conundrum is how to balance baseline so they're not too easy and not too hard. And that coupled with maintaining those baselines when disruptions come. Life disruptions, big and small. Yeah. Is that right?

Yeah. Is there a specific habit that this tends to happen to the most or that is the most important to you that you want, like, you tend to get the most frustrated with because you really do want this habit?

Alicia: I, I would say exercise is the , biggest one,

where I struggle with that consistency, but I also, I know I need it for my mental and my physical health for my confidence. Um, and yet I feel like I have been trying to work on being someone who consistently exercises my whole adult life. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Okay. Uh, yeah. Again, not alone. I hope I don't beat a dead horse by continuing to say that throughout the coaching call, but yeah, you're not alone.

Monica Packer: This is the number one habit women want to work on with me, honestly. I think it's also the most, like, emotionally loaded habit. Yes. There are a lot of layers to this. Could you explore some of that with me? Like, what are your layers with this habit? What makes it so complicated personally?

Alicia: When I was younger a lot of my early perfectionism. I was really good at school. I did cross country track. I was very active and did a lot of things and I did decent and all of those things. Um, but then as I, went to college and even especially as I graduated college, and I didn't have those external motivators and coaches and teachers.

Um, a lot of those things kind of, it just got really hard and I found friends to run with and to exercise with. And as I have changed over the last 15, 20 years, and I've gotten better at it, I, I think there's still this part of me that it's like, but you won't really do it. You're not really doing it.

Are you? And so every time I don't exercise, it like reinforces that idea that I, Can't do anything without external motivators. Um, so that's one of the layers. One is, I have two parts of me. One part of me that, you know, body positive and, I, I want to be strong, um, and healthy. And then there's the other side of me that gets down on how I look.

And, and so it's a battle when I'm exercising of, well, I've got to do enough to be able to see my arms get tone and then the battle of, but I, I really just want to get strong and I want to feel strong and capable. And then there's just when to do it and, if I haven't done most of my good habits by four o'clock in the afternoon, I'm probably not going to do it.

I'm just tired. But then mornings get busy and I've got to get laundry in and I've got to do this and that. And so it's really easy to push it off. I enjoy a lot of different types of exercise. I enjoy walking and biking and, and running and swimming and I can't do all this and I enjoy strength training and so I get some decision fatigue.

Um, and

Alicia: I want, you know, if I say I'm going to do a 15 minute workout because that's the time I have. I freeze up because what do I do? Do I do some hard cardio and get my heart pumping good? Do I? Do strength training and with strength training. Do I do my arms or do my legs? And so the decision fatigue gets overwhelming.

And so I just don't make a decision.

Monica Packer: And it seems like that is, um, hand in hand with that layer of feeling like. What really counts, um, or also believing in your capacity to be consistent. Uh, and that came up when you talked about like, are you really going to be doing it? Are you really going to do it?

Alicia: Yeah.

Monica Packer: Okay. So when you said that, my thought was, what does really doing it mean to you? Like to that subconscious part of you that seems to like jump in the driver's seat and is like, do you have to do things this way for it to count? Which I think goes in hand with the decision fatigue.

Alicia: That's a good question.

I think,, I've kind of moved away from this, but it's got to hurt.

I've got to be sore after, on the flip side, however. If I, you know, I'll do these little walks just to get outside, get some fresh air, get some sunlight. And I love it, but it's, it's maybe half mile to a mile and my heart rate doesn't really get up. I don't want to sound like I'm like, that's not enough, but the type of exercise that really benefits me and that I struggle with anxiety and all some other things is I notice like.

A few times a week, I need to really get my heart rate pumping. Good. It helps me burn off some of that anxiety and those emotions that I feel. And I want to feel like my muscles are getting stronger and I know that walking is beneficial and good, but it helps me in other ways and not so much maybe the physical ways that I am looking for.

 I have tried to move away from the, you know, no pain, no gain. Way of thinking, um, but I still find I physically need the benefits that come from pushing my body a little harder. And so, you know, and again, trying to find that balance of, well, this still counts, but still feeling like I'm benefiting physically and then mentally from the workout.

Monica Packer: Okay, that added a lot of clarity, actually, to a few different things that we needed clarity on. One is like, what is that little subconscious part of you who's like, like, kind of like a drill sergeant, like, with that ruler pounding against their, their, their palm being like, it must look like this.

So we can know that part is there. And we can also know that there is a part of you that's like, but parts of that. Would be good for me. Um, yeah, kind of like that contradictory nature of it. So we can be aware of the drill sergeant and not let that totally rule and know when it sneaks in like it sneaks up and is like speaking these things in our head while also being like this part of that is wisdom to me.

Like this is true, but all the rest of that isn't. And that's something we can piece together a little bit more. Um, let me kind of paint a picture in a different way. We're all we all have these inner contradictions, right? Just like you said, I'm body positive, but then I'd also love my arms to, to look good, you know, like, Oh, such a contradiction.

Yeah, I totally get this. I faced a similar contradiction when, after I had my baby in 2023, that was like when people started talking about protein and now what's been that is the dead horse that has been beaten to the ground. Like we all know protein, we get it. We all need a lot of protein. But that was in the beginning of that kind of becoming more of a talking point.

And I realized like Well, your girl gets like 10 grams of protein, like I am very low and that may make a lot of sense why I deal with all these symptoms or like these things are hard for me and it would probably help my recovery from postpartum and it helped me like recover better from my workouts or it helped me gradually build my muscles back up that I've lost, you know, so I had this contradiction right where I'm like, I'm someone who's recovered from eating disorders for almost 20 years.

Yeah.

Monica Packer: I do not believe in counting things. That for me is not healthy. And then on the other hand, I had, I don't get any protein.

Alicia: Yeah.

Monica Packer: And that's not healthy for me. So I had to kind of like hold those both right and, and decide having a contradiction doesn't mean that I'm wrong either way. Right. It doesn't mean , don't go either direction.

Don't do like go all gung ho on like counting everything in that comes in your body or don't count anything. It's just more of like, how can I take wisdom from this advice to get more protein? But how can I do that in a way that is balanced out by me living this long, working this hard to recover?

That's kind of how I want to look at your exercise. We know now that you are desirous of a push. Yeah. You want that heart to beat a little strong or even hard, but not Oh, I go to this, if I do that, that means 60 minutes of hardcore, cardio every day of the week. No, it's what's the wisdom from that.

What's the wisdom from me needing this and how can I balance that out with the side of me that knows it also needs to be sustainable and not obsessive. So can you paint that picture for me? Like if we were to extract a little wisdom from the drill sergeant and, and like actually decide for yourself what of that is right and true for me.

And that is what I'm looking for when it comes to exercise. Or more of because walks definitely count. But yeah, yeah,

Alicia: I, I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Is it a number of minutes? And and this is probably where I just get so hung up is I don't know.

 Well, I shouldn't say I don't know because there are times when I get in a good groove with this kind of stuff. Um, when school started, I would go on these bike rides, with my youngest and, it was a 45 minute bike ride and I would try to do hills and my heart rate would get up and I'd be outside and I'd feel good.

Yeah. And then it got cold. And life shifted again, just a little bit, and now I'm back to, well, how much time, how much of a push, so I honestly don't know if I know how to answer that other than saying, a good 20 to 30 minute bike ride and my indoor bike and kind of watching my heart rate.

I don't like to watch the time or calories because it makes me a little obsessive. Yeah. And so, um, sometimes I'll put my watch on my heart rate. And try and get my heart rate up to a certain amount for a couple minutes and then back down and up and down. So I don't know. I

Monica Packer: don't know if I know how to answer that question.

No, I'm glad. I'm not. I mean, I'm not glad that you're, that you're like, Oh, I'm confused, but I'm glad to like hear it's not so straightforward because it isn't, it isn't. So let's actually like, let's zoom out a little bit. Let's get a little bit more general with it. And then we'll get specific. Okay.

Because I think you're. Your specific side is like getting in the way. You're doing the whole I, I want to see all the trees. So I'm not seeing the forest. I know that that's I'm the I know the saying, like, can't see the forest or the trees kind of thing, right? But what you're doing is like, you're so focused in on like, well, what are the trees and where are they planted?

And how much like how big should they get? And like all that, that you're missing the whole like bigger term. Of like the forest being there. So what I can hear you saying is that, you know, you're, you want your heart to beat. , you know you want some more exertion. The drill sergeant side of you is saying this long, this intense, this type of exercise.

We will get to the specifics that are right for you. But now we can hold on. We know you at least want your heart to be and you want it to be a little bit more intense. And you already said three times a week, like not an everyday kind of thing. And we can talk more about the specifics. We've got that part of the forest now I want another part of the forest kind of sketched out.

How do you want exercise to feel? Like when you imagine yourself doing that 45 minute bike ride with your kid, how does that feel emotionally?

Alicia: I, I want it to feel challenging, but doable. I like the feeling of pushing myself, but not so hard that I continually fail.

Monica Packer: But also ironically, I think your fear of failure is stopping you from. Leaning in to trying to get challenged when you have smaller increments of time or your season changes. What, what do you mean by that? When you talk about the different shifts that happen, like from summer to winter, right?

It's like you had a good right way before that was working well for you. But now that that way can't happen and it can't like, I don't want you riding your bike on ice. In the middle of the cold winter. Um, it's like, I I've, I've seen this side of you where you're like, how many minutes, how intense, like that fear of doing things right.

Which in other words is fear of doing it wrong is kind of your obstacle to being like, why not just see. What if I just did 15 minutes and what if I just looked at my heart rate or what if I got a jumping rope and challenge myself, you know what I mean? Like it's, it's, it's hard to see the actual options or to try it.

Alicia: It's true. I, as you're saying that, I think I'm hung up on, but I could do 45 minutes of these hills on a bike pulling a toddler. So what's the equivalent inside? Yeah. And what's, , I think I'm, I'm so hung up on that, that I can't see. other fulfilling options.

Monica Packer: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what I was feeling there. Yeah. I'm glad that wasn't just me totally off target. Um, so now we got to work with that. So let's go back to the forest for you. Exercise needs to be a few times a week. And I, by the way, I think like you can, this is kind of separate from walking for me. I think you can take a walk most days of the week.

And if it's a 10 minute walk, a half mile walk, great. If it's a four mile walk, great, but it seems like you need another thing separate from that. So that's kind of how I'm taking it in my head. Does that feel good to you? A few times a week, you need to be challenged. You want to push yourself. You want your heart to be beating, thumping.

You want your heart rate to go up. But you also want it to be doable. Okay. Yeah. We know that part of the forest. We also know the bigger why of this forest is because it does help you feel regulated emotionally, because you do want to be healthy in your body. You do want to be strong.

Yes.

Monica Packer: Okay, that's your force too.

So knowing this thing, now we can zoom in to the trees and we can get more specific. And when we're doing this, I want you to push the drill sergeant out of the room. Okay. Just be like, this is my forest. This is what matters. So for me, I get to decide what that looks like. And to do that, let's start with the ideal.

Like, let's say things are going okay, it's a normal rhythm in your life, no big disruptions of kids getting sick or bigger life issues that you've been dealing with, uh, with the passing of a family member, let's just imagine that's not the reality right now. What would be your ideal version of still meeting these standards for yourself?

Challenging, but doable.

Alicia: I mean, ideally, if I could do 45 minutes of either some hard cardio, it gets my heart rate up or. strength training with weight, for 30 to 45 minutes.

Four or five days a week.

Monica Packer: I love that idea. One thing I feel like you keep coming back to is strength training. Like even then you say I want my heart to beat and that's hardcore cardio, like that bike ride. This is where I'm like, I get where you get a little, stuck. Cause in the moment you're thinking, well, I just went like on a gentle walk today or yesterday, so like I need to do something hard.

So should it be hard cardio or it should be hard strength?

Yeah,

Monica Packer: and this is where I'm just like thinking what would help is you just decide now of the two what matter More to you for now not because you're not gonna get to the point where you can alternate like one day's hard Cardio and one day's hard strength or you can do both in one day in smaller increments or whatever That may be would it help if you chose between the two for the time being

Alicia: I think so. I mean, that, that little voice in the back of my head again is that, well, if you're not doing it now, you're probably never going to do it. And so there's the fear of, well, if I decide cardio, I love hard cardio. Um, I think maybe because it's, I don't want to say more measurable to me, but, you know, Increasing your mileage or your heart rate, you notice your heart rate is getting better or, um, it really does help me when I get my heart rate up.

Good. A lot of that anxiety and stress that I feel kind of lessons and so if I had to choose, I would say the cardio, um, but I so much appreciate feeling strong and so it's hard for me even to let go of one or the other.

Monica Packer: Yeah, I think the awareness of of these voices is, is what matters. Um, like being aware, like, okay, maybe I can play with this a little bit. with time. But for now, I'm going to start where I feel most comfortable, and that is prioritizing cardio that gets my heart pumping. And with time, because as I get comfortable and consistent with that, what I'm going to do is change the way I see myself.

And as I am able to be consistent, I'm changing the way I see myself, which also means I'm able to believe and to do the work to expand this to other parts of my exercise that I'm wanting to do like strength training.

Alicia: Yeah.

Monica Packer: I think this story, this version of yourself that has been built up so much in your head that has really honestly been defined by your perceived failure when you drop these habits during these shifts that you experienced in these disruptions is, , something we need to rewrite.

And we rewrite that by challenging that drill sergeant side of you that says you will never get there. If you don't do it all now, you are never going to do it. When it's really I need to have the courage to prove this side of me, this self wrong, that starting in this way will enable me to be consistent enough to maintain this habit in the ways that I need and want disruptions included.

That's more important than doing it all right now and all the time. 

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Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Your hair will thank you. For years, I have been teaching women how to do habits differently. I've been so grateful to see the concepts that have changed the most for you with responses from women in our community. Like you're changing the habit game for all of us. And this is so needed and you should write a book on this. Well, guess what?

I am. And I'm already so eager for you to get your hands on it, hopefully early 2026. And since I can't share the title yet, and since I'm very likely to self publish, I need a committee of gal pals, if you will, like you, who are ready to be my early test readers, to pre order the book, And to act as grassroots publicists the moment each of those steps are made ready.

Would you like to be on that book launch committee? Get on the list by going to aboutprogress. com book committee. Even if you just want to be first in the know with any book news, that's where you sign up again, go to aboutprogress.

com book committee. It's in the show notes for you. I can't wait to share as much as I can with you along the way. And I'm already so grateful for your support. It's interesting, because as I thought about this through the week and what to talk about, I just kept thinking, like, just, just pick how much time you want to exercise. But I think you've hit on that deeper point of, um, like you were saying, challenging the way I see myself and that, that it's not all or nothing, succeed or fail, and see how I keep failing every time something changes in my life, but to pull back a little bit and say, like, pick something and work on consistency.

Alicia: With that thing to show myself that I can be consistent and then I can shift as life shifts and that it's okay And it's okay if a week or two weeks go by Haven't ruined everything. Yes that These are still important to me and I'm still capable of doing them and coming back to him when it's time, you know

Monica Packer: Mmm, okay You just pointed out something really huge.

The same scenario was taking on different interpretations for you, that scenario of dropping off. And one interpretation is like, see, I'm a quitter, but what I see is someone who keeps coming back to it.

Alicia: Yeah, I've never, I view other people like that, but not myself.

Monica Packer: Isn't that fascinating?

Yeah. And that's not to pat you on the head. I'm telling you the truth here. You are not a one and done. You would have stopped running at 13, you know? Yeah. You are dealing with normal life disruptions and shifts. Everyone has to change their habits from spring to summer. June, it's like, whoa, everything is different, and I have to change the way I'm doing things.

And then it happens again in September, and then it happens again in December when everyone's off of school, and then it happens again when everyone gets sick.

Alicia: Yeah. But it's, it's so true. I don't know why I never saw it that way as um, I mean, there's so many habits like this. Like, why can't I be a morning person?

Why can't I get to bed earlier? All the time or more consistently, or, you know, I've been working on these habits and so many more my entire adult life and it's, and I'm still working on it. And so I have seen myself as as a failure, but. To see that I, but I keep coming back to it and I am, I am better at all of these things than I was when I was 13 and when I was 20 and there's slow improvements, even though it doesn't look how I think it should look, there are actually improvements.

And so to view myself, not as a quitter, but as someone who just keeps trying and just keeps trying, I don't know that like really shifts things. I don't know. I never thought of it that way. Yeah, I see someone who's really persistent.

I would never have used that word for me.

Monica Packer: So,

see, this is why I'm a habits and identity coach. They are so intertwined. They are so intertwined. They are. So how does, how does making that shift change the way, not just the way you see yourself, which we can clearly see it is, it's, it's monumental. How does it change the way you perceive how you could exercise?

Alicia: I think where there was, Just the initial feelings right now where there was a franticness of, well, what am I going to do and how am I going to get back to what I did two months ago? I feel a calm sense of I can do. Three days a week of really challenging my body with cardio. I can do that. And then as I do that, I can add more.

I don't, I don't know. There's just a calmness instead of a, but you got to do it now. And you got to do it all or you're never going to do it feeling.

Monica Packer: I also see more of a sense of curiosity too. Like, Hey, I'm going to do it this way. Cause this is, this meets what my forest is. Like my desires, what I want.

Which is really good. And I'm going to start it in a way that I naturally feel more inclined to want to prioritize via cardio and that curiosity, like how could I build it from there? How, what if I tried this form of strength training, or what if I tried this thing, or what if I worked on my bike out on my bike, um, during winter and during the summer I'm outside, or what if I get a jump rope, or what if I go up and down my stairs as cardio that day?

And I, my heart gets thumping and I get challenged, but I didn't have to get 45 minutes of time in the ice on our cold streets.

Alicia: Yeah. Yeah. It opens up a lot instead of feeling like, no, you've got to do it this way. Or you've got to do it this way because that was the one way it worked. Months ago, and you've got to get back to that.

It's more open to Exploration really with it and what works at different seasons and moments. Well, this is great I mean, we really could just end it here because I feel like you know now like you can just do it But at the same time I want to leave you with more of like a a clear plan in place Especially considering that baseline conundrum that you brought to the table. Um, the baselines are supposed to be laughably small. Okay. If it feels too easy, it's a good baseline.

Okay.

Monica Packer: It needs to be on the times where, you're going through a really hard time, that that version of that habit, which is, by the way, earlier, you said, Yeah. The goal is consistency. It's actually not. The goal is support. What do you mean by that? The goal of habits is not consistency.

The goal of habits is to have support. Okay. And consistency enables that support. It helps that support, which is why baselines make consistency possible.

Consistency is kind of the path. It's not the, it's not the goal. It's the support, which is why if you have baselines, you have the flexibility you need to be consistent, to have the support you need during those tough times. Okay. That's why like your heart thumping because you've done five minutes up and walking up and down your steps.

I even do that just like on a table or coffee table, like it's a, it's a blizzard. I have 10 minutes. I have no other time to exercise that day. I'm going to just go up and down my coffee table. Heart's pumping. I got a little of that mental nervous energy out. It's for anxiety for me too. Like I get that release and I can move on.

I got the support I needed today.

Yeah.

Monica Packer: So I got a little off track there. No, but that, I think that paints that. Yeah. Again, it, it paints like the picture of, not having the goal be consistency, but

Alicia: just what you said, yeah, I don't know why I keep talking about that dang forest, but I think it's so true getting, I get so bogged down by the details that I'm missing the whole reason I'm doing this whole reason I want to exercise is to feel good and supported regardless of what's happening in my life.

And, but I'm so bogged down by, but I'm getting older, I need to do strength, but I need to get my heart rate at this level, and I need to do this, and I once did this, and I'm so bogged down by the details that I'm forgetting that the whole point of it is to feel good and confident and strong to be able to then go about my life.

And so, I yeah, I think that was really helpful to make that distinction between what. What you I think I wrote it down. Consistency is the path, but support is the goal. So, so with that, I do feel like I think, you know, a baseline, I think you just were telling yourself it was too easy, but now that I've given you permission to be like, it is supposed to be too easy.

Monica Packer: And by the way, your baselines build, they do having a too easy baseline is what will gradually build you to a harder baseline. Yeah. Okay. We're like, maybe your baseline now is five or 10 minutes of just your heart thumping, which by the way, gives you the choice to make it something formalized, like doing present play to a workout or doing a jump rope or getting on your indoor bike or going up and down the stairs.

It's just one of those. You have that freedom. Like just choose one heart beating, getting the support. Great. That five minutes. We'll gradually build to 10, or if you do the five minutes, oops. Hmm. I actually feel like, good, I can do 10 or I can do 15. Your baseline will build, but you have to have it laughably small, especially in the beginning so that when the shifts happen, you have that original baseline to go back to.

Alicia: So, can I ask, when you are sharing some of your exercise stuff, and I think 1 time you had written down, like, what your baseline was for certain goals and it was like, 20 minutes bike or I can't remember. Um, is that something that you have built up to to have? So now now on your hard days, your baseline is still 20 minutes or do you ever go back to 10 minutes or 5 minutes?

Monica Packer: Yeah, both. Both, but I will say going back to my original baseline, which was 10 minutes of just movement period. It didn't matter what kind of movement, just moving my body, which for me could, could be stretching that's movement or yoga, um, something really gentle or going on a walk around a block period, just moving my body for 10 minutes.

 That original baseline is not something I have to go back to very often because of how much it's built up over time. Yeah. So like a 20 minute feels. Just mostly it feels really like a good baseline now. Like that's the minimum I can do. Yeah. Um, that's interesting. Yeah. Okay. So I feel like for you, what, what would be your baseline then?

Alicia: I think I'm going to go with 10 minutes of getting my heart rate up. That feels like, I mean, I can do 10 minutes a day, even, even at eight o'clock at night, if it's, you know, that doesn't feel, even if I'm really tired, I feel like, like you said, I can walk up and down the stairs for 10 minutes.

And so. I feel like that's a good baseline. And if it's not, then I go to five minutes, you know,

Monica Packer: I love that curiosity already, which by the way, takes a lot of courage. This is great. The other thing I would just encourage you to think of is we also want it to be attached. That's what helps consistency is.

It's not just like a dangling habit, just like floating around, like in the morning, I'll do 10 minutes of cardio that, and again, that's your baseline. So maybe your, your actual target is 30 minutes. Okay. Um, we don't want that floating around. We want to attach to something. So you may need to think about that on your own.

Like for this season, that means typically after I take the kids to school that I do this. So that's clear. You have that specific kind of plan in your head. And I call that when then pairing. Um, and then the next step of it is after, which by the way, I can talk for an hour on that, but it's basically what we did about identity.

When you do the baseline, Take a moment after you are done to be like, look at me, I'm consistent to like affirming yourself, the identity of someone who is persistent and consistent, because again, we're trying to rewire. The way you see yourself,

that's really important in the beginning, especially that we can gradually drop off. And that's the part that can change too. Like in the summer, my, when then pairing is this, like, it makes most sense for me to exercise at this time of day. And I can attach it to this already existing thing that happens in my life and my family typically. Okay. But yeah. You know, if, if not the one then can be flexible.

If you're going through a survival period, you know, like, Hey, I didn't do it today, but just because I didn't do it at 8am after I started the dishwasher, it doesn't mean I can't do it at 8pm while watching HGTV. On the TV and going up and down the coffee table.

Alicia: Yeah. Not being so attached to the when, then that you,

Monica Packer: yeah, the one, then the tool it's not,

Alicia: yeah,

Monica Packer: it's not the ruler that the drill sergeant was going to be your palm with.

Obviously I like to talk about this stuff. I hope it wasn't too information and that more than anything, it was helpful. So I always like to end these coaching calls with you telling me what you do want to make sure you remember, even if it's just one little thing. What do you want to make sure you remember the most?

Alicia: I, I think what I want to remember is that

I am persistent, that I keep trying and it doesn't always look the way I want it to look, but I do keep trying. And that's, that alone feels like it's good enough to just keep trying. So good. I'm getting chills. That's amazing. And maybe that can be your after thing when you finish. If you do your baseline, whether it's five or 10 minutes, or if you get to do more every time, at least in the beginning, I want you to say to yourself after I am persistent.

Yeah. I wrote that down too. Great. That's how we know. We know it's the right thing. Alicia, you were so fantastic. Thank you for being willing and being so open and, and, uh, doing that for all of us today who need to work through this very same thing. I appreciate you. Thank you. Thank you, Monica, for taking the time to talk me through it.

Monica Packer: Happy to. It's kind of fun. Like, you know, when you, you hear it on the show so much. 

I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. I will now share the progress pointers. These are the notes I took so you don't have to, and those on my newsletter. Get them in a graphic form each week. You can sign up at about progress.com/newsletter number one. Baselines can be hard to balance, especially when it comes to exercise, the most emotionally layered and loaded habit.

The how is also really complicated thanks to decision fatigue. Number two, we are all full of contradictions, including with working out.

It is okay to honor some parts of you that need a push, but to do so with wisdom, not fear, or the inner drill sergeant leading, get curious about the thoughts inside you and which of them are wise and worth paying attention to. Number three, ask yourself how you want exercise or any habit you're struggling with to feel.

Let your answers guide the specifics on how you will design your habit from the ideal to the baseline versions.

Number four, be aware of how your fear of failure is buoyed up by past experiences where you failed, and how now is the opportunity to prove your old self wrong, to write a new story thanks to doing things differently. And number five, the point of exercise is to feel supported when we face different seasons and shifts to what we can do.

Remembering that fact can act as the ultimate guide to how to shift your habits accordingly. I'm happy to report that I checked in with Alicia and she is doing really well. She is far more consistent with exercise and she almost always hits the baseline and is able to do a little bit more.

Monica Packer: But she said the most impactful part of our conversation, which was also the most impactful part for me, was recognizing in herself that she is in fact persistent. And if that's what you could take away from this conversation, then I think it was time well spent this podcast is listener supported.

Members of the Supporters Club get access to three levels of exclusive benefits from more time to more content. With me. It is such a pleasure and a gift to be able to create more of those things for the supporters, and I would love to invite you to become one. Go to about progress.com/support and remember that supporters is what makes my work with about progress free and available to all.

You can always support the show for free. Simply leave a review and follow the show. Make sure you share it with a friend, and really importantly right now, follow us on YouTube and watch us there if YouTube is your thing. Thank you so much for listening. Now go and do something with what you learned today.

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