No matter what season you’re in, you’re allowed to want MORE out of life.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to dream?
Society seems to have a perception that women shouldn’t dream or be ambitious. I’ve witnessed how this perception has trickled down into the lives of “normal” women all around me.
Maybe you think you’re too “normal” or “regular” to have dreams. So, you keep waiting on the sidelines of your life.
Recently, I was told I was setting a standard that “normal” women couldn’t achieve.
This comment sparked a full episode.
I know that women are allowed to want more, to carry passions, and to make time for things they’re interested in.
I’m actually not here to push you to do less. I’m here to empower you to do more and BE MORE in ways that matter to you.
As a “normal” woman, YOU are allowed to want more. (Period!) No matter what season of life you’re in right now, you’re allowed to have dreams, goals, and ambitions.
Listen in to learn more on why this matters and how you (yes, you!) can reach for more in ways that matter to you.
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TRANSCRIPT
Are you scared to dream for yourself? Do you think there’s only a certain caliber of women who are allowed to set and achieve goals and to carry ambitions today? I have an important message for you. You are allowed to want more out of your life.
As a society, we seem to have a real distaste for women with ambition. If we see a woman who is paving the way to make it to the top, whether it’s as the president of the PTA or to the doors of the white house, we often hear the world tear her down a notch or two. Who does she think she is? We seem to think that women like this must be so full of themselves to dare reach for higher. And so boldly too.
I’m annoyed by this perception for sure. But what truly disturbs me now is how much we have internalized these beliefs about women and dreams and ambitions and goals in our own life. All around me. I see amazing women of all backgrounds, and of all skills and talents, of all possibilities who are sitting on the sidelines of their own lives.
We do this to ourselves so easily. It’s like we take ourselves down a notch or two before someone else has the chance to. It’s like we ask who do I think I am.
Why is it so easy for us as women to disqualify ourselves from having the right to pursue dreams, to have goals, to carry ambitions? I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and there are definitely a few reasons that I can see why we disqualify ourselves.
One is that we have a perceived lack of ability in ourselves. We say things like “I can’t because,” or “I could never because,” or “I’m not good enough to…” we’re only focusing on what we can’t do. So we disqualify ourselves from trying.
Another reason we disqualify ourselves is our tendency to compare ourselves to others. “Well, so-and-so is already doing so well at that. I shouldn’t try to do that either.” So think about that. How’s comparison getting in the way of you disqualifying yourself from trying something that you want to.
Another way we disqualify ourselves is the fear of failure. And these are always led by what ifs. “What if I waste my money?” “What if people know that I didn’t do a good job on that?” “What if I disappoint myself or so-and-so,” Fear of failure . There’s a big disqualifier.
And another huge one. We disqualify ourselves because of our responsibilities. We seem to think that in order to dream, to set goals from ourselves to push ourselves higher and further that that comes at a cost. And usually at the cost of our most important responsibilities. We seem to think that we have to have massive amounts of time, money, and or energy to have dreams.
So those disqualifications, um, that we set on ourselves, our perceived lack of ability, comparison to others, fear of failure and our responsibilities.
Today, my message is really quite simple. The nutshell is this: it’s time for you to qualify yourself.
It’s time for you to raise your own hand for your own life. It’s time for you to decide that you are worthy of wanting and pursuing more. It’s time for you to say, “why not me?”
You are allowed to want more out of your life.
You’re going to hear me say that a few times throughout this episode. And the best part to me about that more that you want is that you get to decide what that more looks like.
The biggest disqualifier I haven’t mentioned yet is our limiting beliefs that in order to have dreams, these dreams need to be public. They need to make us money. They need to help us achieve a certain level of success in order for them to qualify as dreams and goals and ambitions. And I’m calling some major BS on this because that more that you want in your life, it can take on whatever it is that you want. Because, however you want more in your life, it matters, especially if it matters to you.
So whether that more is perfecting your sourdough starter or finally launching that podcast you keep thinking about, it all matters. And you can want it and you can reach for it too.
What is triggering this really passionate monologue for me? Well, it all actually stems from a recent review where a listener named Abby brought up something that bothers her about my show introduction, where I say that I am a regular mom. And this isn’t me trying to now spend a whole episode on this one review.
No, it’s actually becausethe heart of this review is something that I see this community struggling with a lot. And I want to highlight that instead, but in order to do that, let me just share a little bit about what this review says. Abby does not like that I call myself a normal mom when she would describe me as an over achieving mom.
And she referenced the high number of episodes that we have on this podcast. And the fact that I coach women and she expressed some pretty clear confusion over how my show was supposed to be about helping women do less when I’m clearly doing more than everyone else. And she wants me to change my introduction to reflect that.
So I have listened to that Abby. I really have, and I do have a lot of questions about what Abby thinks a normal mom is supposed to look like, but I want us to instead focus on the heart of what she brought up here. And it’s a destructive belief that we tend to hold about ourselves and other women too.
And it’s the ultimate disqualifier, and it is the undercurrent to all the other disqualifiers I brought up and it’s this: normal women do not dreams, have goals, or ambitions.
That’s the ultimate disqualifier. Are you believing that right now? Are you believing that only abnormal and obsessed with achievement, success at all costs type of women are the ones who reach for more in their lives?
So to Abby and all the women listening who carry that belief, I want you to know that normal, everyday, regular women can not only have the right to all of these things, they should. And, you know, I don’t say should very often, but it should be normal for women to want more out of their lives because it is not a bad thing to want more.
In fact, if you listen to what is calling for “more” inside of you, if you give yourself not only permission, but you prioritize your God given right to pursue what more matters to you, regardless of what it looks like. Do you know what can change for you and not just for you, but for your family and your community and even the world? Everything. Everything can change.
I’m actually not here on this podcast to push women to do less. I’m here to empower women to do and be more in the ways that they feel called to.
And yes, this is done in a way that is most decidedly outside of the all or nothing extremes that are modeled and preached and sold to us. And it’s also outside of the world’s metrics of success and even the achievement at all costs mindset.
This is also done with a huge focus on us getting good at deprioritizing, of letting go and doing less of the shoulds that could potentially control every minute of every day of our entire lives. But I hope that you who are listening know that when I encourage you to choose progress over perfection, I am still begging you to prioritize the growth, the development, the goals, the dreams, the ambitions that you need from you, and the world needs from you. Even if that world makes up solely just the people in your own home. That matters.
One of the three pillars of my work here on the show is fulfillment. And how vital fulfillment is to women flourishing. Do you know what that means? Fulfillment.
One of the ways I like to break it down is to think of it this way. Fulfillment means to be full of yourself, to be full of your real, authentic, powerful, aligned self, to be full of that self.
I want you to be full of yourself. And I want you to think about how can that be possible? How can fulfillment be possible if you were always tapping down on the dreams and the wants and the desires and the goals that you have deep inside you, it’s not possible. So that fulfillment is very much what I am actually doing for myself.
This podcast is how I am finding fulfillment in my life. And since last week marked our five-year anniversary, the podcast, and this whole topic came all because of a review centered on the podcast. I do want to talk about it specifically. Also, because it’s a big anniversary. And so I do want to share some of the lessons I’ve learned, and this is one of the biggest ones right here: fulfillment matters for women.
And in order to find that fulfillment, we need to reach for more so that we can be full of our authentic selves.
A little history on the podcast. I actually started this podcast during one of the hardest times of my life. When I was the opposite of fulfilled. Most of my life, I was the stereotypical overachiever and I got majorly burnout.
And then for 10 years, I became the under achieving perfectionist who was terrified to try. And then around 30, I felt so stuck. I felt stuck in the beautiful life I had always wanted. I was scared to dream. I was scared to push myself and to try. I was terrified of failure. I still don’t like failure, but at the root of all of it, I did not know who I was anymore.
And this is all happening at a major peak in our family’s life when my kids needed me the very most, and it was when I felt the least like myself, and like I had the least to give. For years as a young mom, I had had this thought that was coming in my mind, over and over. And it really was pressing into me, but I kept pushing it aside because I felt like it was selfish and I felt guilty for thinking about it.
And I felt like it was me being like that audacious woman, like who does she think she is? The thought was really simple, but hereit is: “I want more.”
I wanted more. I wanted more, not out of my accomplishments. I wanted more out of myself. I wanted to feel full of myself again. And the only way I could do that was to begin to reach for more again, in my life.
After nearly a decade of disqualifying myself from reaching for more, I decided to raise my hand and qualify myself. And this started. So simply it began with my do something list, a list of things that I wanted to do and try and ways to explore myself and find fulfillment. And one of those things on my list was to start a blog long after it was cool or popular.
And that blog pushed me. It pushed me to write more, to think more, to prioritize that call inside me to write and to express and explore. And as I did that, I was not an overnight success. I didn’t get even hundreds of listeners. I got like 30 that were largely my friends, but what it did do was helped me start to begin to uncover myself.
And I wanted more of that. And over the course of that first year after starting my blog, It led to this podcast starting. And now five years later, this is what I’ve dedicated so much of myself to, to this passion that has not only become my work, but also my main mission. My mission here now is to help change the world by changing women.
And I do that primarily by helping women find more fulfillment by also finding and better supporting themselves and who they are. And one of the best side benefits of this mission is that when women are full of their real selves, they have so much more to give to those that matter most. That has been true for me.
So, yes, right now we do have a lot of episodes. And that looks like a ton of work and maybe a ton of ambition and dreaming and reaching. Yes, that is all true. But having this many episodes is truly me practicing what I preach to you on this show. It’s only gotten to this point because I have worked to consistently prioritize my own interests and my goals and my development.
And it’s been messy. Every single episode is imperfect. I’m also having self doubt. I have dealt with imposter syndrome the last five years, and this podcast has created more failure than I can honestly count. But also more growth than I ever imagined possible.
You’ve probably heard me say this, the podcast changed my life. BUt here’s the thing. It’s not the podcast that has done that. And it’s not the number of episodes. It’s not the number of downloads. It’s not the money. It’s certainly not the money. It’s not the podcast that has changed me.
What it really is this: it’s the fulfillment that I’ve gotten from prioritizing who I am and leaning in to my own dreams and my own interests and the things that are calling to me.
And this is the most important. It has not come at the cost of the things and the people that matter most, to me, in fact, this fulfillment has been the very way I have been able to show up as myself to those things and to those people that have needed me the most.
I want you to think about if you were to reach for more, what could you get out of it? What could you get out of raising your hand? And of calling your shot and casting vision for yourself and qualifying yourself to push yourself in the ways that matter to you? I can tell you that on the other side of this, and it’s like, you never arrive. You never fully make it. But on the other side of trying and pushing and reaching, there’s far more fulfillment, there’s a stronger sense of self. You have more energy, you have increased confidence. And you will also have more to give; so don’t be afraid anymore. Don’t be afraid of wanting more.
Okay. Here is a lovely message from one of our Progressors named Holly.
“Hi, this is Holly from Charlottesville, Virginia. I’ve found myself in a place that I never thought I’d be in. After having my kids all home, I have four kids after having them all home for a year and a half due to the pandemic. They finally went back to in-person school in August and I thought I would be so excited and I was, but. Now I’m stuck with finding a new purpose for my life because the kids are my life and I have for the last year and a half, especially because I centered my life around everything they needed during the day and everything that I could help them with. And now that they’re gone, even though my husband works from home, it’s just, I find myself feeling lost or empty. And anyway, so that. That’s what I’m dealing with right now.”
Holly, thank you so much for calling in. So first I just want to say that you are not alone in feeling this way. There’ve been so many women in this community who are dealing with big transitions and each one of them seems to think that they’re the only ones who are struggling with this new season of life, whether it’s having a first child or them all going into kindergarten or them all going back to school or them leaving the. Or other transitions like going from being a working mom to a stay-at-home mom or to not being able to have the children that you want, or the next child that you want and having life look a little differently.
So seasons are hard, but I’m going to give you some practical tips on what you can do to find yourself in this new season and to still reach for more of what you want. So this is actually where I’d asked you to start. Start with the feelings.
What feelings do you want more of in your life? How do you want to feel?
And this is what really helps me do this is to kind of go with those gut feelings instead of overthinking it and sitting there and be like, well, what should I feel? And is that bad? Or I shouldn’t do that one. And that’s selfish. Don’t do that.
Just tell me how do you want to feel. And it might surprise you.
Maybe you want to feel more peace. Maybe you want to feel more adventure. Maybe you want to feel more ambition. Maybe you want to feel like you’re having more fun. Maybe you want to be intellectually stimulated or you want to have more creativity in your life. How do you want to feel?
Back when I started my first Do Something List, it wasn’t even called that, that’s actually where I started. I thought about how do I want to feel? It also helped me see what was missing in my life. And at that time I was missing a lot of the things I just said, but one of them was, I was missing ambition. I used to be really ambitious when I was little and that took on a life of its own when I was the overachieving perfectionist, but I wanted to bring parts of that back. The side of me that felt determined and excited to try something hard and to work hard at it.
And another thing I wanted was more creativity and more, feeling like artsy-fartsy like all that kind of like feeling like I was artistic. So think about how you want to feel. And when you have the feeling and mind and the feelings, then you can start to think about how can these feelings take form.
This can happen in some very specific ways. It can be you setting goals that help align the feelings you want to. But sometimes that can be really daunting, if you are like me and you’ve already been through years of not having goals, years of being terrified of trying, or even years of your goals being very clear, but now the goals have to shift with your shifting season, just like you’re experiencing Holly.
While this might have been inspiring for you to hear me say, like you deserve more and it’s time you can have more. And that’s a good thing, and it’s not only going to benefit you, but the ones who love, blah, blah, blah, you’re like, that’s great. But also how, especially if I’m not in the practice of pursuing goals and dreams and ambitions, or they’re being forced to shift, this is where I would encourage you to give yourself a season to explore, to explore the feelings that you want to feel, to do it in a way that’s actually outside of formalized goals and targets that you need to hit. That is what the do something list is for. I have a full episode on what the says and how to create one. And it’s the very first episode in January of 2021.
And. And I’d highly encourage you to go there and also think about signing up for “Finding Me” because there’s really a good instruction on this too. Now the Do Something List is not about resolutions. It’s not about goals. It’s not even about habits and things you need to do. The Do Something List is ways for you to do something, to explore who you are and who you want to be, who you were and what is calling to you, the “more” that is calling to you.
And the quick version on how to make this list is to start with those feelings and to think about what are some of those things that can help me feel those feelings. If you want to feel creative, then that maybe that can be as simple as taking an online water coloring class on YouTube and doing it and that come in your, do something list.
Or it could be something a lot bigger than that. You still get to decide if you want to feel more relaxed, then think about what are the things that help me feel more relaxed or what sounds relaxing. What does someone who does that do? I Love that they do that look so relaxing and you put those things on your list.
My first Do Something List was so broad and varied. It was, it was all the things. Really simple stuff. It was just about exploring parts of myself that I used to love and I wanted to nourish again, like cooking and writing and reading and museum trip going and, and those kinds of things. And they were the things that helped me begin to find me again.
It really did change my whole life. And that’s what you can do as you’re reaching for more is to start with those feelings, Holly, and to think more, “what are some things I can do to create those feelings and put them on a Do Something List.
And then also just the general mindset of what can I do now? Like what sounds good today? What can help me feel like myself today or feel the feelings that I want? What is one small way I can step into a moment and create the feelings I want. There’s something that I’m doing. So let’s start with exploring Holly, how do you want to feel? And also what are some things that you can do to have look forward to that will kind of push you and a good and healthy way without achievement being the goal that can also push you towards doing those things and in the day-to-day life, in your day-to-day life, what can you do to create more of those feelings?
And, you know, can I give you one more suggestion? Can we try for you reframing what the season is for you. You have full permission to mourn what has passed and it’s totally okay that you don’t know quite what to do next, but what if this time of transition was actually a time of possibility? What if you were to look at it as “What could be next?!!”
Instead of “what’s next….” This can be about you right now. It’s okay for you to do that.
And that’s what I’m going to say to all the women listening, too. Your dreams and your goals and your ambitions did not need to be public. They do not need to earn you money. They did not need to be big and scope and take you lots of time and energy.
Most of the things I do to find fulfillment are outside of this podcast, actually. And most of them did not involve any of those things, but what I do want you to do is to believe that you can be a normal mom, a normal woman with daily stressors and demands and worries, and limitations, and also be a woman who has things that they care about within themselves.
A woman who prioritizes reaching for more, where it counts for her, whether that’s a habit or that’s a formal goal, or it’s a Do Something List. It’s a way that you can step into who you are. And this is what I want for every normal woman who is listening.
I want you to want more.
I want you to launch the podcast. I want you to attend a pottery class. I want you to start your goal to read 10 books. I want you to write poetry. I want you to take yourself on a date. And I want you to create the Instagram account. I want you to sign up for that 5k. I want you to host a gals night in your home. I want you to ask for a raise. I want you to go back to school and I want you to practice the piano like you’ve been meeting.
I want you to care about living a rich and meaningful life. I want you to want more because every single normal woman on earth deserves to have passions, to have dreams, to have ambition. To have things that light her up and give her life and fulfillment and joy, every woman deserves to feel full of herself.
I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants that you need to grow. I know that was way more of a kick in the pants episode, and I’m fully aware of that. And I do just want to say, thank you, thank you to that woman who left the review because it gave me a lot to think about, and I also hope this was helpful.
I sincerely hope it was helpful for her and for you and for. It was like a kick in the pants for me to hear the progress pointers. And this is where I share some of the cliff notes of this episode. If you want this in a graphic form, you can get our on our go getter newsletter aboutprogress.com/gogetter.
Number one, normal women deserve to have dreams, goals, and ambitions. It’s okay to want more out of your life.
Two, this more will create more fulfillment, deepen your sense of self, strengthen your confidence and help you have more to giveto the people and priorities that matter most to you.
Three, start with what feelings you’d like to have more of, then explore how those feelings can take form with formalized dreams and goals and ambitions. Consider making a do something list to help you in that exploration.
Your do something challenge for this week is to just ask yourself that question. The first question I said to Holly, how do you want to feel? How do you want to feel in the season? How do you want to feel this week? This day? You get to decide how it applies, but how do you want to feel? Let’s start there. And that is something I think, as you just are highlighting that in your life, you’ll get a lot of direction on where to go from here.
If you answered that question for yourself, I’d love to hear about it. You can tag me @aboutprogress if you share about it on social media, you can DM me. You can put it in comments. And that means I can get to spotlight a progressor who is doing something like this, who was doing. T
his week. I want to spotlight Megan, who is an amazing striver. And what I love about her is that she is brilliant at working hard, to feel her emotions in ways that inspire me so much. She’s done this for herself as she’s worked through other great losses in her life. And now this most recent one and with her children, and I just wanted to say, Megan, thank you for showing me how to pursue more of what you need and want for yourself and your family by being brave and feeling the feelings that you need to do and, and helping your family process those too. So thank you to Megan.
Before we go. Could you do me a favor? I got to talk more about how the sausage is made with a podcast this week. And thank you for letting me do that. Thank you for letting me go on and on about the podcast, because we got to celebrate five years, but could you please honor me with a review? And I’m like, do I dare ask that?
But yes, I do, because I want to hear how this podcast has helped you, what it makes you think about and you know, what’s coming up for you. It will take you three to five minutes, go on apple podcasts and share it there. As you’re doing that you’ll automatically get submitted to our month long favorite things giveaway.
And if you want to go one step further and qualify for the $500 grand prize giveaway, it is so easy. Go to aboutprogress.com/big5giveaway. And it will just tell you the quick and easy way that you can get submitted for that huge giveaway.
Lastly, don’t forget to call in. We want your voice on here. We want you to share what you’re facing, what scenario you need help with, what problem you need some guidance working through. You can do that aboutprogress.com/callin.
I am so grateful that you took the time to listen today. I hope that you’ll share the show and I hope that you’ll leave a rating and review. Now go and do something with what you learned today.
