Learn to lead with your strengths, build habits, and seek excitement as the same person you’ve always been, just with newfound awareness in your diagnosis.
Have you noticed a friend or loved one sharing more about a new ADHD diagnosis? Or maybe it’s you, putting a new name to long standing struggles. Ceri Payne is a breath of fresh air with her approach to the mindset around ADHD and how women can actually thrive within their diagnosis.
Using her special education background, and current coaching certifications, as well as firsthand experience with family members with ADHD, Ceri is on a mission to empower you and the women you know. First, she is clear, you are the same person as you’ve always been, just with a new awareness and the capability to learn new tools to support yourself. Then, she expounds upon the importance of strengths and weaknesses, habits and routines, and the emotions surrounding all of it.
And if you don’t have ADHD, or know someone who does, don’t count yourself out of this one! The lessons she shares can benefit each of us in our own growth journeys towards living full lives.
About a few other things…
Reclaim your creative power and rediscover who you actually are! If you’re ready to come back home to yourself, to be able to say that you know who you are and what matters to you, take my foundation course, “Finding Me.” It’s OK that you’ve lost parts of yourself along the way; but as you learn to anchor back into who you are and align your life to what matters to you, you’ll find that you have more strength, more fulfilment, and more creativity to bring to your important roles and responsibilities.
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TRANSCRIPT
Monica: Ceri Payne, welcome back to About Progress!
Ceri: Thank you for having me again. I’m very excited to be here.
Monica: We have chatted about this topic because of a weird sort of phenomenon, which I’m sure we’re going to cover that I’m seeing in my community and even my real life friends of adult women in their twenties, thirties, forties, who are getting newly diagnosed with ADHD. So we’re talking mostly to those women, but we’re also speaking to their friends and to their loved ones who want to better support these people. So let’s back up. Why is it that so many adult women are getting newly diagnosed now with ADHD?
Ceri: I think it’s probably first important to say that I’m not a doctor or a therapist. And so what I have to share with you today is just the observations and some of the conclusions that I have made working really closely with women and children and adults with ADHD.
Monica: Let’s stop you just for a moment. Let’s give them the professional backdrop though, because even though you’re not a therapist that specializes in this, you do have a lot of professional experience. And you also do this as a mom, right?
Ceri: Yeah. Yeah. So I taught special education for many years before becoming a certified life coach. And so with special education, most of my students did have ADHD along with another component, usually that required them to maybe need some specialized education. I also married to an incredible man who has ADHD and children with ADHD.
And then with my work that I do, I work with women, not exclusively, but many of the women that I work with are creative minds growing businesses, and they too have ADHD.
Monica: Creative minds growing businesses, which I’m sure is a huge strength component to ADHD, which we’re going to talk about. So, okay. Now I’ll let you answer that question. Why is it now happening?
Ceri: So, what I have seen, why we’re having this increase is that statistically men compared to women, women are more likely to seek help. They’re more likely to get into a doctor or to receive therapy. So I feel like that this is one of the reasons why more adult women currently are being diagnosed with ADHD. But I also often feel that ADHD and not even me, it’s statistically that it presents a little bit differently in boys than girls. And so boys tend to be a little bit more like hyperactive or restless and fidgety. And so it’s easier to detect in boys than girls, which means that boys tend to be diagnosed earlier.
And so girls sometimes can fall through the cracks. Many women with ADHD, they’re very wildly successful, right? They’re reaching goals, they’re graduating college, they’re having children and they’re able to do that without really anyone noticing their internal struggles. Right. But I like to joke around with my clients. Cause it seems to be a lot of them that maybe don’t know, they have ADHD prior to working with me. We teased that it’s that third kid that threw them off balance.
Monica: Yes.
Ceri: So whatever it may be, you know, whatever your quote unquote third kid is, we lately have been having a usual life circumstances and the stress levels of 2020 and still happening. Starting a new job or growing a business. It could be marriage. It could be the world changes all of these things, whatever you want to label as like your “third kid,” they require actions that are needed to navigate this world. That might be becoming too difficult for these women that what has always worked for them.
And so now they’re feeling completely overwhelmed and they might be mentally exhausted because the things they used to do in the past aren’t seeming to work. And so when women aren’t able to like modify or accommodate or navigate life as they always have done, then of course, they’re reaching out to, you know, therapists or doctors or some kind of need, which then they’re discovering ADHD.
And then finally, I feel like many women are getting diagnosed later in life previously have had a diagnosis of like anxiety or depression, but now I think doctors have maybe created enough evidence or they have enough patterns to suggest that someone’s particular symptoms might be more aligned with ADHD than anxiety and depression. And so I usually, if you have, if you talk to them deeply enough and have this conversation, many of them have maybe been previously diagnosed with something such as anxiety and depression. And they’re now realizing that maybe they don’t have those things or maybe they’re there, but ADHD is more aligned with what is really going.
Monica: This is hitting close to home in just my own family. I mean, my daughter diagnosed with autism until an older child, even though I’d had her tested since a preschool age, just because the research was done primarily for boys and, and doctors and therapists and school people alike were taught different signs that did not manifest for her as a girl.
And it’s, it’s striking to know that that’s the same with ADHD often. And also what a great thing we have now that we have more information coming out and that women are to able to see, even just on Instagram, someone they know who was diagnosed and they start hearing more of just how it was manifesting for them and thinking, aha, maybe this is me. And it’s empowering to know that women are taking, taking this into their hands to find out is this me and what can I do about it?
But even when they find that out, There can be some mixed emotions, right? A lot of maybe relief can be part of it or acceptance, but there also can be grief and confusion, you know?
And so I want to speak to those who are facing more fear about this new diagnosis, and maybe they’re afraid of how ADHD could, you know, I’m putting this in quotation marks “inhibit” their dreams or their goals or their functioning of the relationships. What would you say to those women specifically who are really in the fear place?
Ceri: First. I want to tell them that. I truly am sorry for whatever feelings are coming up for them. I want them to know that those feelings, whatever may be for you are totally normal and they’re valid, right? These are big and they’re true. And they’re real feelings.
So first thing I would like to say is just don’t judge yourself for whatever it is that you are feeling. And try not to live in the past. When I see a lot of, is people living in, like, I can’t believe I waited this long. How did I not know? Right. I could have been so much further along in my life or, you know, X, Y, and Z.
Sometimes they blame, like, why didn’t anyone help me? Why didn’t my parents help me? Whatever it is that they may be thinking. Right. So just don’t live in that past and just kind of live from now, how can you make the future happen? And so that’s what I’d like to speak to is like this diagnosis for you.
It’s good news in the fact that you now have something that can empower and motivate you, knowing why what’s possibly going on for you. It’s like learning a new set of tools and tricks. It’s like learning about some hacks and then putting it in your life and implementing it. So nothing has changed relatively speaking. You’re still the same person as you were before you received the diagnosis. And now you have a richer understanding of maybe why your brain is doing what it’s doing or thinking the way it’s thinking. And this awareness can provide you with opportunities to seek out new ways and tips and tricks and even more help.
Right? There are so many options such as meds and therapy and courses and coaches and, you know, learning. There’s so many things for you to do. So now that you know your same person, you. The set of knowledge, right? You don’t have to navigate this alone. And there are people that are wanting to help you. So just ask for their help and don’t be shy because that’s how you will get what you need and allow you to grow to that person that you want to become.
Monica: Knowledge is power comes to mind. Right. And yeah, I think it’s nice that we’re also giving them space to. Maybe feel those feelings for a little bit like, yeah, it’s okay to feel sad that you didn’t know this until now, or to regret how it may be impacted things that you used to be passionate about, but then to move into the future with more knowledge and by that power, and look forward to that just as much as you’re going to give space are probably even more so with time, space to the hard emotions as well, so that you can have that acceptance.
So how can they do that then? How can they move into the future? What are, what are some, some things that they can do to empower themselves you know, to shift from that sadness, maybe fear into empowerment.
Ceri: So I think I just sort of touched on it a little bit is remembering what I said before that they are still the same person before they received their diagnosis and now they just have another set of awareness, right? Another set of tools to help them understand the parts of them that maybe they didn’t understand, understand why things were hard, and that awareness just allows you to feel, I hope validated and understood.
And then the next thing is just to not focus on the weaknesses of ADHD because many, many times when you realize, okay, this is what I have then you go down that rabbit hole of like, oh, these are all the things, quote unquote, right, that people with ADHD are “not good” at. But instead of focusing on those weaknesses, focus on your strengths, the ones that you have, and also learn about the strengths that are often associated with ADHD. This is the fun part that I like to help my clients with is often people with ADHD. They’re very creative. They are super awesome risk-takers right. I like to say they don’t hear the word, “no.” Like they come up with an idea and they just want to go do it, which is so empowering. Right. They’re great. At connecting with people. They’re often driven. They’re very driven by passion and I did as a novelty, which is so fun because then they explore and they learn so many different things that maybe some of us without ADHD inhibit ourselves from going after. They are also very talented most of the time in like areas of the arts and creativity.
So just start to recognize your individual strengths and find ways to use more of them in your life. I like to talk about strengths a lot. And I feel like when we focus on our strengths, we become more confident. So many women ADHD or not, we’re very quick to tell you all the things we can’t do, or all the places where we fall short, or how we need to be better at X.
Right. Whatever that is. And there’s really no point to that. And I like to Sarah story, like picturing like a bunch of people, right. And they all profess to be very bad at math, right. And they’re all getting together to be bad at math and to complain about how hard it is and how they don’t understand it.
Well, that wouldn’t be very empowering for them, right. Any of them. And they certainly aren’t going to get exponentially better at math, all coming together, all agreeing that they’re not good at math and then trying to help each other. So the key to your success is to lead with your strengths, right? Find out what you’re good at, and then surround yourself with others that can help. And others that are also leading with their strengths. And I believe that’s how the world will really grow an increase in results is when we all are leading with our strengths and focusing on them.
Monica: And when you are saying, you know, leave with your strengths or to not focus on the weaknesses, I do want to just like put in what I know you and I have talked about this. It’s not like you’re saying, ignore the weaknesses. Pretend they’re not there. Shut it off. You know, shove it under the bed. Don’t focus on it.
It’s just more of put more of your focus into leading with your strengths and then getting support for the weaker areas. And we can talk more about that too, but I just wanted to make sure that that’s what you’re seeing right
Ceri: Yes. And I, I noticed that like in the special education classroom, like, so an IEP, if you’re not familiar with it, is an individualized educational plan. And I didn’t realize I was doing this at the time, but now as a coach looking back, I’m like, no wonder my students seem to flourish really well.And what it was is I led with their strengths.
So like if they were not a super good reader, but they really love to read books about sharks. Well, then I made sure the books we were reading were about sharks. So I found their strengths. I found their interests. I found what they like to do. And then we brought those themes into their weakness areas.
And what I noticed is my kids increased exponentially compared to other teachers just because naturally, right. We think, oh, they’re in an IEP. We’ll say this is the child’s strength, this is their weakness. And here’s the thing that they need to be working on. So of course they take their weakness and they’re like, Hey, we’re going to pound pound this.
But I used to teach their weakness in a way of like what excites them. So if they were competitive, we played a lot of learning games. If they needed a lot of movement, we did a lot of kinesthetics or we did like reader’s theater where they can move around and talk.
So when you really hone in on what your passionate about what you’re creative about, what you like, and then use those strengths to help you navigate some of the things you’re not better at, than I feel like you will grow exponentially because your strengths will increase, buteso will your weaknesses.
Monica: When I think of my female friends who have been newly diagnosed with this, they are remarkable in their focus in ways that would have surprised me if I had known, like, if I’d flipped it around, like knowing what their diagnosis was, because that’s them leaning into. Strengths, you know, leaning into what they are passionate about and how they can apply their focus in that, in those ways that are so super human powered.
So I’d love that you are sharing it’s not about ignoring the weaknesses about how can I harness my strengths to move through these weaker parts of myself.
What other tools would you recommend that they access to have better support as they are moving forward?
Ceri: I think developing the gift of believing in themselves and talking about themselves in positive ways. Talking about themselves the way they would to a child. Because if a child told you that they are terrible in something, what would you say?
Would you just believe them, right when you say yep. You sure are. You’re totally terrible at that thing. Right. And then would you say, like, I don’t know why this is so hard for you. It’s so easy for me. And would you tell them everyone else can do it? There just must be something really wrong with you.
And those aren’t the things that you would say to a child, but yet we say them about ourselves all the timewhen we realize that maybe we’re not as good at something as we want to be here, that we think we should be. And so what do you say to yourself? Do you say something like, even to the child, like, I’m sorry that this is hard for you, you know, what do you think that we could do to help make this easier for. Or you might even go on to tell them how much you love that they’re willing to work on these new things. And they’re willing to accept that it’s a challenge, but they want to, increase and become better at it. Right. So what you would do, I would assume, if you’re in a good mood and everything you’re emotionally regulated, you would build their confidence in what they can do.
And so that’s the first thing I want women to understand is building their confidence in what they can do so that then they lead again with more of that, rather than focusing on what they can’t do, because we all have a set of can’t do’s. But if we focus on that, it’s not going to strengthen the things that we can do.
Monica: Hmm, this is also helping me realize why so, so many women were diagnosed earlier on maybe with anxiety or depression because of this self-talk not that that’s the only reason, but you know, when you are navigating life without knowing your strengths, you’re only navigating based off of your weaknesses.
Cause that’s, what’s keeps interrupting your flow, your productivity, your relationships. There’s a lot of also self identification going on of, I am bad. Something’s wrong with me. I don’t do this well. It makes sense why that’s also something that they’re struggling with. So thank you for starting there.
And anything else that you can think of?
Ceri: So again, and I love how you just said, like, thoughts are really powerful, right? So. We believe we are bad at something and we’re not good at something. Our brain is very wise and it will find evidence for those things to try to be true because it doesn’t want us to be wrong and it wants to create like that equilibrium in ourselves.
So it wants to prove like, yep, you’re right. You’re bad at that thing. But again, just focus on. Thinking like, maybe I’m not as good as I want to be yet, I can improve or, and I can improve right. Using the words, like the words of, and, and yet. And let’s even talk about like setting a new habit. Cause I know lots of times just like I haven’t been able to do this thing and they, maybe they know that they know they have.
I see they have this awareness and like, Hey, this is where I want to go. So I encourage my clients and probably all of us just start with one. Just really build your ability to stick with one, because most of us want to create a whole new set of habits. And then sometimes I can be defeating. When I encourage you to really do is create your habit on something that you want to do for you, right?
Something that you feel like will really empower and motivate and excite and positively impact your life. You don’t want to be doing it based on the sheds, right? Like you think you should do this or a good mom or a good whatever should do these things, or because maybe you’re scared of what other people think.
Like, I should do this thing because people are going to think X, Y, and Z about Okay, so make sure that you are sending it for you, right. And then you’re really excited about the impact this goal could have for you. And then another thing I like to do is we, a lot of us get to be in that perfectionistic or all or nin one type of, you know, goal reaching and habits.
And so just set baselines and ceilings for every goal. And I know you probably talk about this because it’s widely known like floors and ceilings. I’ve always called them baselines and ceilings.
Monica: I call them baselines too. That’s funny.
Ceri: That’s interesting. Yeah. So I think a baseline for those of you who don’t know is just the smallest thing you can do towards that habit.
It’s something that you can accomplish every day, even like on the hardest of days. So for example, if it’s like drinking more water, it’s like, you’re the habits or the goal that you want to start setting, then maybe your baseline would be like, I drink one glass of water in the morning after I brush.
And that’s like, that’s your baseline, but then your ceiling could be like, ideally right on a good day, what could you possibly do? And maybe it’s drinking 64 ounces of water a day. And so then what you do is you navigate your habit or your goal throughout your baselines and your ceilings, knowing that you can at least do the baseline.
Even on a busy day, a hard day, a day you’re really sick. You know, whatever it may be.
Monica: And so why is that really important though, for those who have an ADHD brain having like a stabilizing baseline habit or routine sprinkled throughout their day?
Ceri: Yeah, I think it’s important for us all to develop that ability to believe in ourself and have confidence in ourselves. And so that baseline allows us to do it. And it also sets us up for success. If we’re like, okay, even if I was so sick or even if I’m traveling or even if you know my kids, whatever.
Right. Just think of like the worst day. Cause we, a lot of times that our goals from our best day, rather than from like the hardest days. so when you have that, you can go to bed and go, okay. Today was a hard day, but I stuck to my habits. Right. And you’re developing that confidence. You’re developing that, that muscle that you can believe in what you say you’re going to do.
And so I think a lot of us create these really high expectations for ourselves. And we’re kind of setting yourself up to fail even before we get started and not because the thing can’t be achieved, but maybe you haven’t set in other implementations and other habits and figured out other obstacles and strategies that are in your life that maybe you need to navigate through to be able to be more successful in that goal.
Monica: And I have a, I have a child too, who has this diagnosis, but I’m thinking about both them, as well as my friends who have learned to navigate with their strengths, but one of the things that help them with the weaker parts of this, is having a touchstone, whether it’s drinking water or a walk, like some kind of stabilizing routine or habits that are sprinkled throughout the day, they’re regulating to their brains and bodies, it kind of brings them out of that fight or flight, and we all do this too. So this is going to help everyone. And I also think it’s pretty supportive. It’s predictable. It’s grounding. It helps them feel like I can now insert my choice here. I can now feel grounded enough to do what I want and need to do next instead of feeling carried away.
Ceri: Yes. I love that. And I think another, if you don’t mind me sharing
Monica: I was going to say any more. Yes.
Ceri: Oh my, I have like so many. Can I just keep talking for hours?
Monica: No, please do.
Ceri: I won’t, but, so I think another thing is. Implementing automations things like batching automation, creating routines so that your brain has the least amount of things possible to think about.
So decision fatigue is a real thing that people deal with. It’s kind of a new, not new word, but it’s a catch phrase that we hear a lot, but it’s very real for people with ADHD, right. Having to make too many decisions eventually just makes us feel overwhelmed and want to shut down. So when we can automate, and this is really good advice for anyone, but we can automate as much of our life as we can, we get a lot of those decisions made ahead of time. And it’s really powerful because then it opens up our mind to be able to have time to make the decisions we want. So when I say automation, I’m saying things like, you know, like Steve jobs, how you wore the same outfit every day, right? So that might be boring to you, but maybe you could do something where you wear the same outfit on Monday and the same outfit on Tuesday and the same outfit on Wednesday.
And I even did something very similar to that, but then the next week I just shifted it today. That way, if someone saw me every Monday, they wouldn’t see me in the same outfit. So I have like five or six things. Cause we all actually do have the same outfits that we wear. But if you just kind of can automate them. That might be boring for you.
So you don’t want to take that automation, but that is something definitely for someone else that really maybe has a lot of decision fatigue around, like what should I wear and what do I need to wear for this event and this event, right? If you kind of know what you want to wear. That happens. Automation can also be around like venue planning, right?
And this can be something where you stick to the same menu every single week, right. Or you make two, two weeks of menus and then just rotate them. You don’t have to create a new menu every single week. Just keep it simple. Plan things that, you know, you’ll want to make plan things that you.
You enjoy. And if you don’t really like to cook and it’s not your theme, then plan things that aren’t super hard for you to cook and things that have the least amount of steps. So just tap into what you want, which is maybe to have a dinner for the family to eat, but then tap into your strengths as like, how do you want to get there?
Like, so if you don’t like cooking limits, you know how creative it is. If you love cooking, then maybe you’re going to throw in super creative things. Cause that’s really fun for you. So take your strengths and put them into. Some of the automation that you’re trying to implement. So basically set yourself up for success, right? Make it easy, simple.
Menu planning can also be where you list the date that you’re going to have the certain food, like Monday’s this Tuesday’s this, but it can also just be listing the menu ideas that you have on hand and putting them on the frigerator or put them in your day planner on a notes app.
And then on that Tuesday, you can look and say, okay, these are all the things we can have in the house and you just get to pick that night. A lot of my clients like that because they want to feel. Spontaneous. And they want to feel like they have a lot of flexibility. And so this just sets them up to say, Hey, these are the easy meals I can make in my house. And which one do I feel like tonight?
Monica: You’re exemplifying here, it’s the day to day things that constantly come up, the ones like the Groundhog day kind of pass that we have, especially as, as adults, like we always have to eat. We always have to do groceries. Laundry needs to happen to household chores, whether or not people are getting paid work inside or outside of the home.
Those are the things that can take up so much energy. I love how you shared about that. Automation adds predictability and in other ways gives you power. Right. So
Ceri: But when you say predictability, I don’t want them to like shrivel up and be like, but I don’t want a life like that.
Right?
Monica: No. Yeah.
Ceri: You may want a life full of fun and freedom and flexibility, but that’s how you get it, right. Is when you can automate and batch some of your tasks, then that way you are allowing yourself brain power, mental power and the ability to do fun things in other parts of your life, because you have the rest of your life kind of streamlined a little more, as you said, predictable.
Monica: Yeah, and this is one of those times where I’m realizing, you know, just like anything, this is going to look so different for every single person. ADHD will manifest completely differently from woman to woman, let alone from boy to girl. You know, like we talked about how the research is so different there, but I I’m thinking about one woman in my strive hive who has been really open about having ADHD. And she also says she’s very literal, logical minded. She doesn’t consider herself creative. She considers herself more distracted.
And so this is why I, I think we’re going to go back to the roots of what we were talking about today is leading with your strengths because even ADHD’s strengths will be different from woman to woman.
Some are going to want more creativity and choice, and others need more of the predictability and not feeling like they’re going to get distracted as easily. Not because they’re creative, but just because they feel more prone to distraction, anything to add to that thought?
Ceri: Yeah. I mean, just that particular person I’d be interested to find out what’s distracting her. Right. And is itthoughts about what she could do or just getting into something very particular. Like my husband is this way too. He’s, he’s very creative, but he’s not that energetic type of creativity.
But like, if we’re talking about something with a group of people he’ll go and get on his phone and I used to find it kind of embarrassing. So I’m like, we’re here, we are talking face to face and he’s on his phone. But what I’ve since realized is he’s on his phone looking up, the topics that they’re talking about.
Right. So he’s distracted, you know, quote unquote from like what’s in front of him like that conversation, but he’s really not. His mind wants to learn more. And so, I might be saying it in a different way or using the word creativity where she used distraction, but just kind of notice what is taking you away from doing those things that you want to do to set yourself up for success.
So I guess it doesn’t really matter what we call it, but to answer your other question is I do have one more and it’s just celebrate or reward ourselves for following through on tasks. So people with ADHD, we often have kind of a lack of dopamine and so they need dopamine boosters to be . . .
Monica: They have a lack of dopamine?
Ceri: Yeah.
Monica: I did not
Ceri: Yeah
Monica: know
Ceri: They want more and they’d like to do things and we’re all kind of the same way, but that’s kind of that underlying thing. So that’s why, whatever it is. So there’s the distraction or the creativity that thing they’re doing, it’s, it’s creating some kind of result which then increases their dopamine.
Monica: So they’re drawn more to those things because of the dopamine it creates that is so enlightening for me.
Ceri: Yeah. So we, when we celebrate, right, or when we make things fun, it’s a great way to increase the dopamine at the end. So even when the tasks don’t seem like lots of fun, I like to stay maybe set timers. Some people like to like beat the clock.
And that can be a dopamine boost in and of itself. So like again, playing games, like beat the clock. So many things you can put away in five minutes, you know, that really helps with kids. And it also helps with ADHD rains. It helps of all of us. I have noticed that lots of times I tell my clients to videotape themselves because I figured that out by accident, but I noticed sometimes they would videotape themselves cleaning their kitchen and then put it on social media.
And somehow they’re like, I just really like it. I just noticed I get it done. And so there’s two reasons for that. One of it is called a body double and having someone like be accountable for them, usually it’s an actual physical person, but that. Recording of them is kinda like a body double, but also recording them, turns it in like double speed.
It turns it into something fun and, and a novelty. And so then they actually stick to that. So record yourself on double speed. Maybe if you know that you’re a video gamer or a dancer, maybe you tell yourself can’t, I’m going to work and do this thing for 10 minutes. And then I’ll do like, you know, play one level of a video game or one, you know, song dance to one song or whatever it is, but turn boring tasks into games and into excitement. And that really helps ADHD brains have the energy and the desire to want to get those things done a little bit easier than not.
Monica: And I think it also helps with that cycle we talked about with identity too. You know how you can also affirm in yourself, this is who I am. I am someone who can lead with my strengths. I am someone who can still get the things done that matter most to me, I am someone who fill in the blank, which also creates that dopamine hit, that we all know.
You know, in, in good ways to really cement this identity of I am a person who does these kinds of things, and I am not my diagnosis too, which is a big part of what we were talking about earlier. This is who I am. This is me. We just did. What’s the song, Greatest Showman. That was accident.
Ceri: Yeah.
Monica: This is me. Ceri, this was equal parts enlightening, but helpful. Helpful for me as a mom, with kids who I dealt with this helpful for me as a friend who wants to support my adult female friends who are working through a new diagnosis. And also, for the women who are in, in these shoes, you know, and, and navigating this. Thank you so much. I want to know any resources you have for them, but first can we do just a quick challenge for them? Like what is one small thing they can do to move forward. A bite-sized way these women who are newly diagnosed can move forward.
Ceri: What if we gave them the challenge to start writing things down. So whether it’s something that you need to remember, whether it’s your new morning routine that maybe you want that you have, but you just keep forgetting to do parts of it, and then you beat yourself up, or to do lists. Questions, ideas, anything swirling around in your brain. . . Write it down so that you don’t have to think about those things all day. It really does save so much brain power, so much mental energy, and it really helps you clean out that mental list of all the things that you have to do. And that really lots of times leads to that overwhelm because you think I’ll ask you all these things.
So lots of times, if you can just get it out of your brain, that will help you have room and mental capacity and space to do those things that you want
Monica: Got it Okay. With your clients, do you find it’s easier for them to write it on while I’m sure each person is different, but the majority, is it better for them to just do it on their phone? Like on a notes app?
Ceri: Right. I mean, do whatever works, right? You could do a notebook. It could do a phone app. Maybe you can type it. Maybe it’s A white, dry erase board, a chalkboard like his, most of these things, aren’t things that you actually have to do per se, lots of times just whirling around your brain. And it’s just like, it’s just kind of like, your brain is efficient, but wants to keep reminding you, like, Hey, don’t forget to call the doctor. Don’t forget to call the doctor. But if you just write it down and even though you’re not planning to call the doctor, like till Friday, and it’s a Monday, like it stops reminding you because it’s on a paper. This is more of like, not so much keeping track of your list, but like getting it all out of your brain so that that’s clarity because if you wake up and all of these things are swirling around in your brain, you’re automatically going to feel a little overwhelmed. We’re going to feel a little behind, we’re going to feel over-scheduled, over-planned.
And so it’s almost like just dumping it out. It’s like, have you ever been to the grocery store and maybe you were on like a vacation or a trip and you didn’t take everything out of your car first. And so you still have like the boogie boards and you have the sun umbrella or whatever. And then you’re like, I don’t have any room to put these groceries in.
Right. So we’re like taking it out. Right. So that we can actually make room for the things that are important. So that’s kind of what it is, is just getting in the habit of journaling, writing it out, creating to do lists, but all of the things that are on your mind. Then along those same lines, if you want to take it up a step is if you have.
Habitual habits and routines that you do, like you have lists of, this is the day we’re going to do this cleaning, and this is what we’re going to do. Or if you have a morning routine for yourself or for your kids and your kids might have a night routine and a morning routine, think of all the time.
You’re trying to remember like, Hey, now go brush your teeth. Okay. Now go get your pajamas on. Okay. Go pick up your room. What if all of those things are written down for them and they just look at them, right. And you can even put pictures if they can’t read yet, that keeps them on track.
And lots of times in the morning at night, we’re a little stressed and then we can’t remember what what they need to do. And we feel like we’re trying to get them on track and keep us on track. And then we sort of emotionally disregulate and kind of blow up. Usually if you’re like me and then we start maybe being a little more angry at our kids, like just hurry up and go do it.
And so if you can write down as many things as you do, and either laminate it, put it on a whiteboard, put it on somewhere was available, then your brain has less thinking to do. And again, it has more room to do the thing rather than thinking about doing the thing.
Monica: This is so helpful. Ceri, where can people go to find you and the resources that you have for them?
Ceri: I am on Instagram and just come find me at @ceripaynecoaching . So it’s CE R I. So are you paying coaching? And I also have a freebie that might help. It’s a lot about batching and automation and it’s 24 simple ways to save 24 hours. So if you go find me on Instagram, there’s a link in my bio for that.
And I would, if that, if you think that that would be something that would help you to understand the power of batching and automation, then it may be for you.
Monica: Okay. Let’s we’ll link to that. So that way they can get it. 24 simple ways to save
Ceri: 24 hours
Monica: 24 hours. Ooh, I make writing this down word for word. Ceri, you are so remarkable. Thank you for spending this time with us. We appreciate it.
Ceri: You are welcome anytime.
