How to Prepare NOW for an Intentional New Year || with Steven Lawson

Practical ways to prepare for a year that’s all about YOU.

Are you overwhelmed by how to prepare for the New Year?

Right now, I see SO much advice about the “right” way to start a new year. But, what advice should you follow? 

Today, I interviewed Steve Lawson about his ideas to prepare for the new year. As the founder of Monk Manual, Steve knows a lot about how to plan and set goals. But more than just time-blocking and habit tracking (both important!), Steve believes the best way to start the new year is to throw away the prescriptions and to focus more on getting intentional.

How can you do that? Well, there’s actual practical ways to get clear about what YOU want and what YOU need. And Steve delivers just that. 

Steve’s advice will leave you with what you can do TODAY to create the best year possible in 2022. You’ll go from feeling overwhelmed by another 365 days, to being empowered to take on a new year in ways that are in alignment. 

Listen in to hear how to use Steve’s tips for a great new year—a year that’s all about you!

About a few other things…

Reclaim your creative power and rediscover who you actually are! If you’re ready to come back home to yourself, to be able to say that you know who you are and what matters to you, take my foundation course, “Finding Me.” It’s OK that you’ve lost parts of yourself along the way; but as you learn to anchor back into who you are and align your life to what matters to you, you’ll find that you have more strength, more fulfilment, and more creativity to bring to your important roles and responsibilities.

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Songs Credit: Pleasant Pictures Music Club

TRANSCRIPT

Monica: Steve Lawson, welcome to About Progress again.

Steve: Thank you so much for having me back. I’m really excited about this.

Monica: Well, I am excited because not only is it a different take on a topic that people are going to get a lot right now, but I’m also excited because I’ve just been eager to have you back on. You are my favorite productivity/ time management guru, because you do things so differently.

But today we’re talking about how people can prepare now for an intentional new year. There’s a lot of key words in there that we’re going to hit on. Let’s start, Steve, by having you share some of the traps you see people fall into, as they’re thinking ahead to a new year.

Steve: Yeah, I’m fascinated at the phenomenon that is new years, right? Just, just the actual idea that it’s it’s this kind of cyclical rhythmic time of year where people pretty universally start reconsidering things, right? There’s, there’s something magical at the different time periods. And when we come upon a year, maybe even more than a five-year or 10-year there’s this sense of, oh, okay.

Maybe I’ve strayed the core somewhere, or maybe there’s something I want to do, or I want to get this done. . . And everyone tends to go, and out of that, come up with plans, write certain commitments.

But what’s so interesting about new year’s is that it, statistically speaking, very few people actually ended up sticking with any of their new year’s resolutions. Right? So there’s a disconnect there” that to me is really, really interesting.

And I think that what we end up tending to do is we, we feel a certain level of inspiration around something. And we say, Hey, I’m feeling inspired around . . .” Maybe it’s my health or my finances or my relationships. And we think I’m going to go and do all these things. And then what ends up happening is at some point, most people stop doing it.

They let go of that commitment. They maybe just taper off. Life happens. So what what’s going on there? For most people, I think the common reasoning is, well, it must just be a discipline problem. Right? That’s that’s generally what happens or maybe it’s a planning problem. I think it’s actually something a bit more fundamental than that.

All the time we are trying to negotiate all these different priorities in our life, all these different things that, that we desire on some level. And in the beginning of the year, we feel very inspired. We feel very motivated, but then at a certain point we lose touch of whatever that original inspiration was. And so what actually happens is other things crowded. Our New Year’s priorities. So that that’s actually the trap, the trap is on some level, this fallacy of believing that where that game is being played is on the level of discipline.

I don’t believe that. I believe where it’s being played is on the level of clarity in being able to anchor yourself in that which is working towards maybe your longterm good. Because we lose sight of that. And when we lose sight of that, that’s when things usually start to fall apart.

And just to kind of close that out. I think what’s so freeing about that is with discipline, especially in our culture, there’s a lot of shame that can be attached to that. Right? No one wants to be the person who’s seen as well. You don’t have discipline, right. Or your butt, but when you, when you end up realizing it’s actually just, you’re kind of straying from a certain level of personal alignment, or there’s all these competing urgencies that are crowding things out.

Then what that means is actually it’s staying with things. Having the most successful year of your life is actually about staying in a place of personal clarity and alignment.

Monica: Hmm. You, are you using so many words that this community is more and more familiar with, because that seems to be an increasing focus. And the work that we do together is getting really clear on who we are, what matters to us, and as part of that, what our values are and having that clarity allows us to have the alignment we need in our day-to-day lives.

And so what I’m kind of hearing you saying is, we lose sight of what we want and what we value as we’re preparing for a new year, because our minds are getting muddied with a lot of other influences or also just wrong ways of looking at discipline. We just blame ourselves instead of realizing, oh, it’s actually a fundamental error in the way I am creating goals or resolutions or plans for my life.

Steve: Yeah. I also think there’s a parallel phenomenon that can happen alongside that. And I’ve experienced something similar personally, but the thing is, is oftentimes we may want something, right? So say you sit down and you say, this is what I want to do in the coming year, because what I was just alluding to is in a sense that you lose track of the why behind the thing.

But sometimes we don’t even ask that why really upfront. And the thing is a lot of the things that we sometimes want to do or feel that we need to do stem from a desire to either please others or prove ourselves to others, maybe not in an direct way.

Maybe it’s just I mean, this sounds so simple, but it might even be, “Hey, my dad was this type of person and he viewed people really highly in this way.” And in some way, consciously unconsciously. We want to be that person that we feel. Other people expect us to be. And so we actually can, I think this is way more common than it would seem, set goals that actually don’t even align with things that we truly want.

And then what happens is we have a very difficult time staying with those things. Because the thing is this, when something’s connected deep down with who you truly are. It’s like a fountain and there’s like a source of inspiration that I think is it’s like gas in the car that keeps on fueling you when it’s something that you’re trying to achieve more external validation, it’s like trying to get water from a stone, like the water’s not naturally occurring.

And so at a certain point, you, you run out because you can only play that game for so long. We can do that, but, but at a certain point you will ask the question, is this even worth it?

Right? And.

Monica: Or burn out first.

Steve: Yeah, exactly. Right. And then we don’t know what’s really going on in that. Or we might even again, fall into like a cycle of shame and saying, “oh, this is on me for doing this,” but really it’s because we’re not tapping into that deeper place for ourselves.

Monica: And we’re going to discuss some practical ways to do that and I’m looking forward to it. But one other trap I did want to touch on too, is just the level of preparation. A lot of my community members are what we call recovering perfectionists and they fall on the spectrum and the spectrum I see with preparation, and when the I can be really guilty of, and I was in the past, especially before I found your Monk Manual was feeling like I had to be so detailed and incredibly well-prepared for a new year, like very intricate plans. Like, I don’t know, vision boards, I don’t know. We can go journaling, journaling, journaling, and sometimes that pressure to, to over-plan makes us underplan.

And other times that pressure to over plan also helps us fall into the other chiefs we discussed about not even being really clear about what we want, how we want to feel, who we want to be in the new year. Any take on just that what’s know the right amount of preparation. It should be like for people.

Steve: Yeah. And at the risk of sounding too direct, and I can only say this because I’ve experienced perfectionism in my own life, I think that perfectionism oftentimes is tied to a lack of trust of self. So what that means is we hide from certain things because we’re afraid of what might happen if we don’t.

And there’s different ways to hide from that. You can, you can hide from that by being frozen. I mean, it’s, it’s just like the fight flight or hide, right?

Monica: Yeah.

Steve: So that can manifest in a lot of ways. But even on some level, planning can be a way of hiding from life, right? Like you go and get everything in all the right boxes. Cause it feels like you’re engaging life when actually you’re just preparing for it. Now with that said, I’ll also say I’m a very big believer in planning. The Monk Manual for anyone who’s who uses it, and Monica, I know you do, but there’s this, it is a fairly robust planning tool. It does require work.

So I do really believe in planning and intentionality, but, but sometimes we can overdo it. I think the reason is, is because it’s that fear of trust itself. And I think something that maybe could be liberating, hidden in that is life itself is not something that we truly can control. We can influence life, but we can’t control life. That means that life is inherently on some level scary. Cause we don’t know what’s going to happen a year from now. If you think of even your goals a year ago, so much has changed from what was going on a year ago, right? Not only so much has changed probably externally.

There’s a lot that’s even changed internally. Right? There’s certain things that you just come to discover. I think that it is personal for everyone, but when, when you’re thinking about the right balance of preparation not going overboard, not cutting it too short. I think the first thing is to probably assess yourself and say, where do I tend to lean?

And maybe you don’t have that awareness necessarily because you don’t have too many reference points, but, but I think many of us do. When we really slow down. We can access. We often know the truth about certain things. We just have a hard time looking at it right in, I think it might be something where you can get a sense of, of how that works.

But I think you can also look back and say, Hey, you know, this past year, did I feel like I had the adequate architecture or scaffolding built out to support my goals? Did I feel like I ended up spending three weeks of my life and then three weeks later, most of it was irrelevant because all these things changed.

 On a practical level, I am a really big fan on setting just a few high level goals. Something I do is I actually set doing goals and being goals. So the doing goals are more concrete, more quantitative. And then, and then the being goals are. They’re more qualitative, they’re more kind of tied to character, tied to experience, tied to like a sense of life.

And I will set those on a yearly basis, but then I’ll do quarterly check-ins to be able to readjust and realign because it’s, it’s not something where at the beginning of the year, you can go and write out a script that is like here’s the movie. And now I just have to act it out because you’re not, it’s not like you’re the only character in that script and you don’t even know what’s going to necessarily happen. You don’t control the plot of your life. At least not wholesale.

So that ability, and I’m saying this, especially for people who maybe struggle with some level of perfectionism, that ability to trust oneself is essential because life is more improv it’s being able to, yes, build out the skill sets, be able to engage, have a plan, know directionally where you’re going, but also to be able to show up each day, show up each month and say like, alright, here I am like, what’s next?

Because all we can do is bring ourselves and, and try to be honest with ourselves, focus on the next right thing and, and engage life.

Right. I just don’t know what more you can do, right? If you’re fully engaged in life, and you’re really trying to take care of yourself, focus on yourself, focus on your relationships, and be honest with yourself. It seems like that is actually the path to reaching that, which you would ultimately desire.

Monica: Oh, totally. Yeah. It all comes back to all the work that we do. We focus a ton on habits and behavior changes and, and also fulfillment, you know, having hobbies, self-care. But it all comes back to all the work that we’ve done. And I’ve been shocked by that the past few years. Just how important it is that we know who we are, that we trust ourselves.

Because like you said, this really is the key to everything. It’s the key to even knowing how much to plan, because some people, an intense plan is the way like that’s the right way for them and other people. It’s having one goal for the year. And a word. You know, and that’s enough for them. So I appreciate you being able to help them learn how to differentiate that based on who they are.

 So let’s move into some practical ways to prepare. I love how you shared some of your own perspective on what works for you for people who might be on a different spectrum, but they do want to plan better for the new year. What are some things that they can do now to prepare for it?

Steve: In a lot of cases, we’re going into the new year with already full plates. Our day-to-day realities are already stuffed, and then we’ll go into the new year and say, “All right, I’m going to go and I’m going to start working out every day. I’m going to go and I’m going to write a book. I’m also going to go and I’m going to work on my marriage and I’m going to do this.” That’s all great.

But I don’t know where you’re going to get the 20 hours to do that every week. So a big part of it is also trying to think through what are the things that you maybe need to let go?

Monica: Hm.

Steve: In a really practical way of doing that, I would actually encourage the listeners that any, any particular area where they are specifically trying to grow, to go and do some sort of audit of all the things you already do in that space. Right? So maybe it’s maybe it’s in your marriage or your relationships, maybe it’s in self care, maybe it’s more of a spiritual nature, or maybe you could just map out, Hey, this is what my week looks like.

This is what I do. These are all the different activities and and I would even recommend get as granular as you can. I wake up. The first thing I do is I go brush my teeth. I go and take a shower, do all these. Then go back through and ask yourself why and actually consider why do I do each of these things. What’s going to be fascinating is you’re going to realize a few different things.

One is that some of the things you’re spending way more time than you need to. It’s essential. You have to do that, but it’s not essential to the degree that you’re doing it. It’s creeped in its stope and it can be reduced back that way. Another thing you’re going to find is there certain things that you’re doing that you really don’t have a good answer for why you’re doing it.

Maybe it’s a commitment that you made that no longer is serving you. Maybe it’s something where you grew up always doing this thing and you just, you just kind of inherited it. We always, I’ve always done it. It’s always been this way, but there’s really no intention behind why you do it. Those are good things to consider whether they’re actually still serving you in your life.

But then the third thing that will happen is that we certain things that will come up where you recognize it. And after asking the why question, you’ll get to a point of clarity and it will actually change your orientation towards that thing.

So for example, this past fall, my kids played soccer, right? So if I would have done that exercise, I would have highlighted that they were playing soccer. And asking that question would have brought me to a point of like, well, I’m doing this so I can be with them so I can go and encourage them, help form them in whatever way. Which then would also make me pause and say, well, then I shouldn’t really be on my phone when I’m there.

I shouldn’t really be doing this. I shouldn’t really be doing that. Or I should be fully present or maybe I can be engaged in this. And that also can transform things. Not only because all these little things can be transformed to something a bit more meaningful, but also they’re more intentional. And you also can find that some of the things you may be wanting to grow, the material is already there in your life.

You’re already actually spending time on it. You’re just not actually doing the thing.

Monica: I love this process of auditing asking why getting clarity, because then there are things you can deprioritize, let go of, or do a little differently, but there’s other things you can say, no, this is what I want.

And this is what I want to lean into. And the why behind it matters. I am surprised that you started with that. But I shouldn’t have been like, I, I just think like, yeah, of course, like we should just start with what we could let go of. But I was, I was surprised by that tip. What else do you have for us?

Steve: So the second thing, and this might be a little bit less surprising, but I’m a very big fan of reflection. We can get really caught up at the speed of life that we’re moving in autopilot.

And we have to take time to pause and recalibrate. And new years cannot be the only time of year that we do that. It can actually, I’m not, I’m not trying to coerce someone and say, this is what you have to do. You’re doing yourself a disservice if new year’s is the only time that you’re really considering your life, your habits, all these different things, especially because life is so iterative and because things are so dynamic and the things that we think we want, we might discover a month later, it was actually about something else.

Right? So we have to have some level of of a process of, of reflection, regular checkpoints. I think that can manifest in a few different ways. And it doesn’t have to be in the Monk Manual, but one thing we have is, is even just like a monthly check-in right.

You go to a doctor every six months or every year, and they give you a physical checkup. You don’t need to do that every day, but it is really helpful to go and do that every once in a while of how am I doing in these different areas of my life? Which, which can be personal for you. You can work that out.

Is it your finances? What, what matters to you in how are you doing in those areas? So that you can then recalibrate, because I think that recalibration point is really hard but important. But the other part that is also a really important benefit of reflection is it not only gives us a certain level of kind of clarity around what might be going off the rails or we might need to adjust.

It also helps us to synthesize the lessons that life has been teaching us. Right. There’s just a lot of material in everything. Like there’s, there’s so much that we can learn. Sometimes I’ll reference this line and Mary Poppins, which I always feel weird when I bring this up. It’s just strange for a third ad to be bringing up Mary Poppins, but she’s got that line where “every job that must be done, there’s an element of fun. You find the fun and snap, the job’s a game.”

What I really find interesting about that is, is literally in every single scenario. There’s there’s hidden opportunities, right? And to be able to pause and say, Hey, here’s, what’s going on. Here is what I’m here is what I’ve been learning through my relationship with my spouse or … just to get that realignment, which again, then funnels back into that inspirational source, which then can keep you moving.

Monica: So reflect, we got to reflect on a more consistent basis, but especially this time, just taking a little bit of time. And even that could be overwhelming for people who don’t want to look back on the past year, because they’re so disappointed in themselves or because they’re in that shame and blame cycle, like we talked about at the beginning. Some of the questions that I kind of do for myself just to keep it simple is just to say: what’s working? What’s not? And it can be that simple. Any other suggestions with that one?

Steve: Yeah, on the, on the reflection piece, I think what you laid out there on what’s working, what’s not, can be really helpful.

 Another level of maybe a practical application ..we’re aware of things that are kind of being brought into our body, aware of how we’re treating ourselves, but something that has a really, really, really massive impact on us is our relationships. The people we surround ourselves with. And taking some time to really consider, Hey, who are my five closest relationships who are my 10 closest relationships and considering where it is, who you are today, who you are working towards becoming, and then to say, is there anyone in here who maybe I need to create some boundaries with, or maybe I need to not, not kind of like throw them to the wayside, but decrease some of my involvement because they’re not really helping me.

Or, or maybe even they’re hurting my ability to go and step more fully into an authentic sense of self to, to kind of move along on this path.

The people we’re around really form us. So to really practically say, okay, Here, here are these relationships and to think about how are these relationships affecting you, how in relation to where you want to go. But then also, are there other relationships you might want to foster in the coming year? Are there, are there gaps in that that also can be really hepful.

Monica: Oh, Steve, like once again, I just. Your, your take on things. I love that. It’s so it’s so different, but it’s what life is really about. That’s why I love I’m. One of your is a mission statement or a motto. The doing and being,

Steve: it’s probably in the camp of a motto. I guess to tether this back to the new years thing, a lot of times new year’s is for a lot of people all about doing

Monica: Yeah.

Steve: even at the expense of being right. It’s like, as long as I can go and achieve these things, then I’ll be okay, but it’s not achieving things that makes us okay. Really? You know?

Monica: About being, so that’s why, that’s why like it, it’s “peaceful being purposeful doing.” Right?

Steve: That’s correct. Yeah.

Monica: yeah,

So that, that really comes first. And that’s what I love that these tips are so centered in the, in the being part so that we can then go and do in ways that are in alignment.

 Did you have any other tips?

Steve: Yeah, this one’s kind of, this is a bit more straightforward, but

Monica: We love that

Steve: really, I’m a really big believer in the idea of beginning with the end in mind, which as I’m thinking about it now, I think actually it was a Stephen Covey thing.

I was talking about before of this place of kind of our, our deeper sense of self, that deeper sense of self is oriented towards our deepest goals. Right. And I think that it’s really important to ask yourself the question of what is it you really want out of life? You know, you’re, you’re looking back on your life.

What, what is your goal? Like what is it that you want to achieve? And I actually think that the shorter the statement is the better for something like this. I don’t think it needs to be like a bucket list. I think it’s just, this is what I really want out of life. Because I think all of us deep down want to be able to get to that point and look back and say, I really lived the life I wanted to live.

It makes it exponentially easier to live that life when we anchor ourselves towards that thing, which I think becomes clearer over time, but I don’t think it fundamentally changes. Like, like I think that we have kind of this inner compass and it is attuned. We might have, we might be kind of shaky because we’re shaky, especially in the beginning, but we learn to clarify it.

But my experience, at least since I was a little kid like that hasn’t really changed, you know, I might not even still be able to formulate it entirely, but there is, there is the Steve I know that like spark that is uniquely me and that thing’s been there and it’s going to be there and it wants to become that thing.

Right. And so when, what happens is when you, when you, when you answer that question, then you can go and you can look at all the other goals, you’re setting all the other things you want to move towards and say, does this support this? Or does it not? Because if it doesn’t support it, then why are you doing it?

It doesn’t have to be direct, right? I mean, Look like this past year, I’ve gotten more into exercise and probably I ever have in the past. And that’s because previously I used to always view it as kind of an exercise in vanity. And now I view it as an exercise for energy and in maintenance and in providing me with the fuel to achieve a certain level of, of self-gift in fulfillment of, of a certain level of service to the world.

Right. Like, and, and I see a direct correlation there. I didn’t see that before, but there are things like that, right? Like personal finances may directly be tied to that end point as a means, maybe not as the ads, but it might be a means. There’s a, there’s a quote by Question around who originally said this, but I’m just going to say Thomas Merton, who was a monk in, in the states and the line goes “a lot of people spend their whole life climbing ladder only to realize it’s up against the wrong wall.”

That’s what you want to avoid. Right? Whether it’s, it doesn’t even have to be your whole life. It could be your whole year.

That’s what you want to avoid.

Monica: I would sum that up as, ” cast a vision” begin with the end in mind, cast a vision. Who do you want to be at the end of the year? And that relates back to the other strategies you had here. So this is so wonderful. Steve, I do want to give a few minutes here to talk about monk manual, because I mean, it is my favorite day planner. And like you said, it is very robust.

I do think there are ways for people to do it, you know, gradually to learn how to do it. And I think you’ve got some good education on that on your site too. But I was just curious, what are some principles from the monk manual that you hope people can adopt as they move into 2021?

Steve: Yeah, well, one of the things that’s really interesting is monks don’t make sense. What I mean by that is when you, when you look at a monk compared to our modern sensibilities, it’s like, what is, what is this, like, why would someone do that? What is the, I don’t get it. And one of the things behind monasticism, that’s really intriguing to me is this movement towards saying no so that you can have a greater yes. Right. So they say no to a lot of things. They have very simple clothes. Often, their their place of living is very simple.

Their diets are very simple. They’re daily routines are relatively regimented and simple and they say no to a lot different things for a greater yes. Right. They kind of lean all the way in on that question of, what is your end goal in a very specific way, right? That, that I think probably is for very specific people.

 I think behind that is, you know, one of the things that I think under pins this podcast is this idea of progress over perfection. But I, I think, I think what monks show us is that is another thing tied to progress in that “action is not progress.” So just doing things, doing more does not actually equate to progress.

You can actually move faster and faster in the wrong direction. You can move faster and faster toward things that don’t necessarily matter. And it’s only truly progress when we’re moving towards something that is really the most important things. Right. Then it’s progress. So, so I think through reflection and again, I’m really big on reflection.

I think through reflection, you come to understand what those most important things are for. And then a lot of productivity is, it’s actually cutting out the things that don’t matter. So you can create space for the things that do matter. It’s almost as simple as that.

It is as simple as that. It’s as simple as that as a concept, as an idea, it’s hard to live. It’s a process. But it is as simple as that it’s, it’s this ongoing journey into what are the things that really are not serving me, that I can be cutting back on that I can be letting go of.

Maybe these are activities. Maybe these are habits. Maybe these are ways of thinking. Maybe these are mindset things. Is, is that certain mindset serving you?

So, so that, so that process, it takes time. There’s a grace to it. But also when you see the progress that can be made along that journey, and you do it in a way where you’re just trying to do the right next thing and, and engage it and try it to even grow through it and see some sort of like value in the work itself. Then there can also be a joy to it.

 I think we’re, we have a lot of complexities in ourselves, you know, but, and we come to discover more and more, right. Like we it’s like we come to discover, right? When we first started trying to understand ourselves, it can be like discovering a new world. Right?

You’re only going to be able to venture in a certain places at certain times. And you’re going to come across some scary stuff. You’re going to find some animals that literally no one has ever seen before. You’ve certainly never seen this thing before. What do you do with it? Is it good? Is it bad? Are these people good? Are they bad? But there can be something amazing about that too.

Right? It’s this journey, it’s this journey, that’s deeply fulfilling, of discovery. And then, and then being able to share all the rich, all the rich things that are found there. So I really went off but that’s that’s that’s that’s I think the fruition of what I’m hoping for with the monk manual, right?

Cause it’s not, it’s not about to me. I have no interest in helping people necessarily just go and crush goals because I don’t think that necessarily is what people even want. If it’s not aligned with like a deeper sense of purpose, then I could actually be hurting someone. Right.

I don’t want to do that.

So for me, it’s all about connecting people back to themselves.

Monica: And that’s exactly why I love it so much. It really does that for me. And it’s not because I’m perfect at it. I don’t do every single section every single day, every single week and month, but it’s given me the clarity that we’ve talked about. It’s helped me realign myself in ways that I, what I’ve needed.

It has every part of time management, but also “being management” that I needed in my life. So I highly encourage people to go check it out. But just go follow Steve too at @monkmanual for general life tips like this, because they’re, they’re there for you and Steven, I’m grateful for all you’ve done as you go into the new year.

I’m I am. I am curious about one thing. What is one thing you are wanting to work on in the new year.

Steve: I actually just started strategic planning this week. I haven’t planned out my whole year. I can tell you that there’s a couple of things I’m working on right now. And I’m not sure how that’s going to manifest because I really do experience life as is somewhat of a, of a journey of discovery.

Right? So right now what’s coming up a lot is this concept of, of letting go. Because I am, I am control oriented.

There’s a lot of reasons for that, but like I built the monk manual off my own personal weakness. Right. I’m not naturally good at being, so that’s why I also believe so passionately in all this stuff. I’ve had to work hard facing a lot of difficult things to actually arrive at, even the things I believe.

 I think letting go is something that I’m currently trying to work through because I feel that my inability to let go is something that’s actually inhibiting me from fulfilling what I could be fulfilling on every level. In the monk manual. I think in my marriage, with my family, with my own, just personal sense of satisfaction, just allowing myself to kind of like trust the process of life as it were. And a habit that I’m working on right now, specifically as part of that… I’ve been doing this process and I’m just calling like fear journaling where every day at the end of the day, I write down what were my fears that day.

So I reflect on what were the things that started creating like a sense of anxiety I started worrying about. I was afraid of and then I write down how did I distract myself? So, what did I do to turn myself away from those things I was afraid of? So far there hasn’t been a day where I haven’t had things to write down for both of those things. And then I just write down one step I can take. The one step I can take. I don’t even think is the most important part.

I think that the way fear works in our life is a lot like the being a kid who’s afraid of the monster under the bed. And, and as long as we’re afraid to look under the bed, that monster controls us. And so what I’m trying to do is just shed a bit more light, just look at the things that scare me a bit more so I can just be liberated from those things. So that’s what I’m working on.

Monica: That is brilliant. I love getting a peek into your brain and what you’re up to. Steve, this has been wonderful. Thank you so much for being on the show again.

Steve: This is, this is so good. I love everything you’re doing.

Monica: Thank you.