In this coaching call I’m talking with Jessica, a supermom from Oregon who’s not just juggling two boys but also balancing a demanding full-time job and a plethora of household responsibilities. We dived deep into discussing how she can carve out those essential moments of ‘me time’ amidst her busy schedule. From the simplicity of a morning walk to setting realistic and supportive daily goals, we explored lots of practical advice and heartfelt insights.
Jessica opened up about the challenges she faces in trying to balance work and home life, and we came up with some actionable steps to ensure she gets the self-care she needs. We talked about anchoring habits, finding joy in small achievements, and even the power of celebrating little victories. Join us for a mix of encouragement, actionable tips, and genuine, heartwarming moments.
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TRANSCRIPT
Monica Packer: Jessica, welcome to About Progress. Hi, thanks so much for having me. It’s always such a courageous thing for me to witness women who are willing to be coached and for the podcast. So a big thank you for that. And we’d love to start with a little introduction. So can you tell our listeners a little about you?
Jessica: Yeah. My name is Jessica. I live in Oregon. I am married and we have two, uh, boys who are in upper elementary school. And, um, I also work full time, partially. Work from home, partially in the office. And so I’m, I just love, you know, being a mom and I also get the opportunity to work, but what brought me here today is kind of finding a way to.
Balance both of those roles a little bit better.
Monica Packer: Okay. Yeah. That sounds very busy. So tell us how your life is encouraging you to take a coaching call today and what you’re interested in covering.
Jessica: Yeah. I think like many people who are probably on social media right now, I have like the big September fresh start new school year energy.
Like what’s our habit? What’s our routine? How can I? Like support myself and my family. Um, but I’ve been kind of stuck on figuring out what that would be. And I definitely don’t want just like, formative habits, I guess I would say like, Oh, this is what looks really good. And then, like I said, I am working and the number one home manager default parent doing all the things that maybe a mom without a full time job would be doing. Yeah. And I find myself kind of struggling a little bit to find balance between the two. I wish I had maybe better habits or routines to kind of support myself, but I find myself kind of like, Reacting almost like, Oh gosh, this is a busy week.
I really need to like dial down and do a bunch of stuff, whether it’s for work or for home. And then I feel like the other side gets like not great version of me while I’m kind of really focused on one or the other. Then I feel like my energy is drained from really ramping up for a period of time. So it’s like, I react to kind of ramp up and then I need to recover.
Again, kind of. In the in between, I feel like I’m not doing either super well, like sometimes I wonder if I had kind of, I don’t want to use the word bare minimum, but if I had like some like kind of anchor habits or something to do. To do a lot to catch up. And then I do a lot to catch up and then I get tired and I need to like rest
Monica Packer: and
Jessica: repeat.
Monica Packer: Okay.
The way that you depicted that pattern, a cycle, really reacting, ramping up, recovering. I know so many women can relate to that. And especially in your shoes, being the primary caretaker, in addition to having a full time job, you’re, you’re really working two full time jobs. Truly. So let’s get a little bit more of a picture here.
And About like, what’s kind of going on. So do you have, I’m going to just ask a bunch of questions here just to get more of a, of a picture. Are you doing everything at home on your own, or do you have any external support in terms of maybe hiring out different parts, um, or internal support in terms of other family members, like even your kids who do different things, I know your spouse has a very intense job,
um, so can you tell us a little bit about the support piece?
Jessica: Yeah, I mean, my kiddos do have like a handful of chores that they do to help kind of keep the household running and that’s helpful. And then when my husband is home, he’s super helpful too, like he does all the outside stuff and the dishes and you know, the animals, but really like the getting kids to school appointments, um, meal planning, prep, groceries, blah, blah, blah.
That’s kind of all for me. And home management,
Monica Packer: like cleaning and everything.
Jessica: Yeah. I mean, the boys do a little bit, but you know, they’re still young, so they’re not doing as much.
Monica Packer: Okay.
Jessica: So
Monica Packer: there’s no judgment on any of that. Like that’s real life. And there’ve been many seasons and in our marriage too, where, you know, Brad has worked a very difficult job where when he was home, he was like, I felt the difference because of his ability to contribute, but most of the time he couldn’t.
And my kids were still really young and we couldn’t afford to have a house cleaner or anything like that to really simplify. So what I’m getting at here is there’s kind of two forks in the road and they’re both bear equal weight to me.
And that’s how can I better look at. My responsibilities with this lens of curiosity, a curiosity of what truly can only I do of these things and other things that I don’t necessarily need to do, but do need to get done. How can they be outsourced to the kids a little bit in more manageable ways and reasonable to wherever they are with their development or outsourced By many, and also maybe in ways that may be more manageable than I think, like maybe it’s not having a cleaner every week or a cleaner every other week, you know, or, or how can I outsource them?
Well, plenty of it. So there’s, there’s that curiosity that really matters, especially because as you’re getting curious about your responsibilities, you may find kid laundry, for example, really matters to me. And I want that to be done, right? So I’m going to keep doing it the way I am. Or you may look at a task like laundry and think this needs to get done, but it’s not like a top thing for me.
So how can I do this differently? Because no one else really can do this right now. They can maybe later, like as a kid’s grow or something like that, but how can I make this easier to do? Like, how are my own standards getting in the way of me doing these in ways that will allow me the time and energy to show up in other areas of my life.
So that’s one path. But let’s hear what your, what are your initial thoughts when you hear going down that path of curiosity and kind of weighing things out?
Jessica: No, I, I love that actually, because I feel like I probably couldn’t cover a lot of different ideas. Like, um, I love that it’s not just like you need a more efficient schedule or you need to be like waking up earlier or no, you know, whatever.
It’s like, and just you acknowledging like that is a lot of things to carry. Like that just felt really helpful too.
Monica Packer: I mean, I meant what I said about you working two full time jobs. Yeah. But that cycle you’re describing of reacting, ramping up and recovering, that to me is a survival cycle. That means you have so many spinning plates that I wouldn’t say this is like one chore that needs to be done differently or one system or even your wake up time necessarily.
It sounds like you are. Just doing whatever you can, and then you hit a wall, which anyone would. Does that sound right to you?
Jessica: Yeah, no, I think that you reflecting that back is really helpful. And I agree that that makes sense.
Monica Packer: Hey, well, I’m glad to hear that. So taking a look at your responsibilities, I think that’s something we could lean into the rest of our coaching call and get some clarity on.
Or it’s something you could leave this coaching call, knowing that all I’m going to be doing right now is just thinking about these things, paying attention, noticing what responsibilities I have, noticing what standards I’m doing them to noticing if I ha if they have to be done. And if I have to be the one to do them and just gradually creating that list of like, here are some things I can gradually eventually take off my plate and how, and that’s something you can do, I think on your own or together.
But the other part that I haven’t shared yet, Is both like a deep and practical part about where you are on your own list and why that’s so difficult to prioritize yourself. And, and we can talk more about that, but as part of that, how to come up with a way to still do it. While you’re waiting for the other things to gradually work out and do the work for that.
So that’s two different paths. Which one do you feel like you can do with me today?
Jessica: Yeah, I think that I could use more support with the, like showing like the second path that you mentioned, like kind of, how do I take care of myself here as well and fit that in.
Monica Packer: Okay. Let’s get a little bit more details on them. Um, Do you have go to ways that you take care of yourself, whether it’s a habit, or a hobby, or a regular way that you rest, or connect with others?
Jessica: Uh, yes, and I have a couple that I want to figure out how to make more accessible, I guess. So, um, you know, my number one thing is I love to read, and that is something that I, don’t struggle to fit in.
I just, I love to read so much fiction. That’s definitely like a COVID hobby I picked up that’s carried forward. And so I fit that in pretty well. Um, and then I like, I love to go for a walk outside. That’s like kind of my number one way, but I have, that’s when I really struggle with getting in. With the kids back to school, it’s been a little bit easier because I have some time to myself because my kids are too big for a stroller.
They’re kind of grumbly to go for a walk with me. Like it’s just, you know, it’s not going to work. But if it’s easy for me to push it aside, if the day gets too busy, or like today I’ve got to get home from school sick. And so it’s like, Oh, it’s not going to fit in, um, in the way that I, like, ideally would love it to.
Sure. And I mean, I would love to add more movement than that as well, but like being able to go, we live in a beautiful area, like a walk outside, it’s like definitely one of my favorite things.
Monica Packer: Awesome. Okay. I put a little star next to that. What else is on your list of like, you already have some go to’s that you would like to do, but maybe you just don’t get enough time to do it.
Jessica: I have definitely been working on sleep in the past year. So, like, I do go to bed earlier and wake up a little bit later than I used to, so that is helpful. Yeah, I just think, like, in general, like, maybe some, like, hobby time, like, to do things, because sometimes it’s, like, It feels like there’s more practical things to do.
Yeah. Besides, I mean, the reading is definitely like a number one hobby, but there’s, you know, other things that I’ll try to do, but I’m like, well, I need to get X, Y, and Z done. This is more of a want.
Monica Packer: Okay. What kind of things would you do if you had more time for hobby time?
Jessica: Yeah. So I started a junk journal this year.
I don’t know if you’ve seen them on TikTok or anything, but, uh, it’s pretty cool. So like when you’re like out and about in the world, you kind of would collect little things from like receipts to like the sleeve for your coffee cup or just things that kind of represent like what you’ve been doing or there’s it’s kind of like a less formal scrapbooking.
And so you can, uh, also like print photos or like add paper. So it’s kind of a free form, creative journal. That sounds
Monica Packer: really awesome. Yeah. So junk journal is one of the things you would love to do during that hobby time.
Is there anything else that comes to mind?
Jessica: I did buy myself a watercolor kit like last Christmas and I haven’t done it yet, but I would love to watercolor.
And then the other thing I guess too, which like, doesn’t exactly feel like a hobby, but maybe it is, but like, I couldn’t tell you a TV show that I actually like. And sometimes I want, because even reading can be a little bit of like a productive, like chase, right?
You know, how many books did I read this year? Yeah. Yeah. So sometimes I would just like to watch TV.
Monica Packer: That makes me so happy that that’s on your list, honestly. Okay, this is great. So when I look at your list of ways you could fit in taking care of yourself, none of those things, one, seem outlandish, but also none of them seem like they wouldn’t be enough for you, like you need more.
I think it really just does come down to creating the time and the space to do it. Is that right? Okay, we’re going to get practical, but let’s go just a bit deeper with this. You’re putting out fires all the time. So what comes up for you? If say you do have maybe 15 minutes. And you’re thinking about either a hobby, like, maybe I could pull out that watercolor, or do you even think of those things?
Do you even think, like, maybe I can do something for myself, or do you go right to, like, here are all the to dos I can fit in, in this 15 minute time?
Jessica: I mean, I think it’s often the to dos, or it’s sort of like zoning out on, like, Instagram. Yes! Just kind of, like, the scrolling. Um, which, I Like I follow a lot of accounts that bring me a lot of inspiration and like good, but it’s not my favorite way for me to like spend my time.
Monica Packer: Yeah, it’s
Jessica: just we’re available.
Monica Packer: Yeah, it’s easy. Um, and everything you’re doing. Both literally and also mentally require so much energy from you that the phone is just a low energy way for you to give yourself that moment. So it makes total sense that you would navigate to that. And you’re not alone in that.
But I see like you, that it would feel better for you if it was just the same amount of time, but done something different and not all the time, because everyone needs a little zone out time. Okay. So it’s either productivity or numbing out.
Jessica: Yeah. Mm hmm.
Monica Packer: Okay. So has this, has this long been a hard thing for you to do to prioritize even like taking a moment for yourself or is this more of a past couple of years sort of thing?
Jessica: I think it’s probably always a little bit, I think I’m a bit of like a people pleaser, like wanting a gold star from school or work or, you know, I think it’s been harder for me. To carve it out. Like, you know, my husband’s really good about, he has certain like hobbies or activities he does. And he does them cause they really help him be like a whole happy person.
And I don’t observe him having the same sort of like struggle. Maybe he does, but I don’t see it.
Monica Packer: Um, and that’s what we want for you, right? We want, I’m so glad to hear he has those things. And we want you to have those things that are more dependable because as I’m looking at this and we’re talking about, like, if you have 15 minutes, I still just have this part of me.
That’s like, I just don’t want you to only be trying to fit yourself into the cracks of your day. Like, I want you to take up all of your time. Some space, like the cracks will be great. Like you can have some, you can fill in some genuine, like this helps me feel supported during the moments where you find them.
And that might be as simple as a mindset shift of noticing you have a small gap of time or noticing that you’re scrolling your phone and taking a deep breath and asking yourself, what do I really want right now? Yeah. You know, so we can worry about that, about the cracks. But to me, it’s like, no, we actually need to carve out something more set, more dependable.
Jessica: Yeah, I think so. I think I’ve kind of been thinking about if there’s like certain, like, kind of anchor activities throughout the day where I’m like, it’s my lunch break and I do this. Restful thing versus like 10 things at once, you know, I think so too. So one more question before we talk about that part.
Monica Packer: Okay. What would be different for you if you had some actual. Set space in your day. That was just about you. Like, what would that change?
Jessica: I mean, I think that I’d really be more myself. Um, my thought is that I’d feel a bit more peaceful, happy, you know, which is important to me as I’m kind of showing up in these other roles too.
And that sort of like frenzied, busy feeling of Doing all the things or recovering later. I just, I would love to remove that from my life. And so I think like adding in some of these more positive things could really help that.
Monica Packer: And the word that comes to mind for you for me too, is energy piece. Like it will feeling like yourself to me is just like feeling kind of that self energy, you know, like I’m me. So now I can show up to all the crazy amount of activities we have after school. And the things I need to manage in the home and meal planning and getting someone’s uniform and Oh, someone forgot their socks and their shoes don’t fit them anymore.
So now I need to get a different size. Like all of that. Mental and physical responsibilities that require that from you, you’ll, you’ll have it more. So maybe it will, you’ll be still doing a lot of the same stuff, but it won’t feel as much as a survival. So the cycle that survival cycle of reacting, ramping up, recovering would be dampened.
And then hopefully. Dramatically lessened over time. If we’re pairing it with the other piece that you’re going to be doing more on your own, about getting curious about your responsibilities and outsourcing and simplifying what you have on your plate.
Jessica: you’ve kind of hit on a lot of things I’ve thought, but then also brought some kind of new ideas. Cause yeah, I’ve also thought like. Instead of it being a zero day or a hundred mile an hour day, it’s like it could be, uh, whatever, somewhere in the middle or somewhere much lower and like letting that kind of be enough.
So that way it’s like, I don’t have to ramp up as much and then recover.
Monica Packer: And there’s something about that to our brains, like that level of, um, rush and stress in a weird way can be, uh, it’s almost like you trained your brain to work like that. Yeah. Like I have to have a big push to do all the things.
Yeah. So I like that part of the big picture we’re working on is reframing what, you know, life can look like. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing with the responsibilities. Um, and I think the biggest thing we can do that. Is why you’re here and you knew this all along is coming up with a stable, supportive way for you to have yourself on the list, even on the worst of days, even on the most stressful of days.
Okay, so let’s do that now. Let’s get practical. Of your list. Reading, walking in, movement, sleep, hobby time, which to me is like, you know, that creative side of you seems to be Mm-Hmm. really tapped into or like rest like a TV show, like Genuine Rest. Okay. Mm-Hmm. . Which of those are you like I really want that the most, like that that’s the thing that keeps rising to the top.
I wish I had that.
Jessica: I mean, I think it is the walk and the movement. ’cause I feel like it. Just helps me in so many different ways. I mean, a lot of my activities, obviously, are solo. I’m a bit of a, very much an introvert, I guess. So I don’t really need, like, but that is, like, one way that I’m, like, out and about, or moving, or, because the rest of them are, like, sort of more sedentary activities.
Yeah, okay. So, so, walking on your own?
Monica Packer: So as part of this, let’s think about a time of day where this would be most convenient to drop it into. And I would, I would think the time of day that has the less, amount of obstacles that traditionally. Can, uh, tear you away from doing that?
Is there a time that is more manageable?
Jessica: Yeah, I, I’ve done well in the past when I, um, I take my kids to school and I will like, walk around the neighborhood, around the school. So it’s almost just like I don’t go back to my desk or my computer until I That’s brilliant. Until I do. That’s brilliant. Yeah. Um, and the secondary time would prob like doing it while my kids are at school is kind of the easiest.
So like, either. The sec, the second would probably be like lunch or afternoon, but those, I feel more resistance to like, you know, if I’m working on something or other things have come up, like they’re easier to kind of bump. Sure. Okay.
Monica Packer: And we want you to be set up for success. So this is where we’re going to work with your limitations instead of ignoring them.
Yeah. Trying to like, grate your way through it because that takes. Energy that we don’t want you to have to expend, like being like, I have this urgent email that I need to send and someone’s waiting for it, but it’s my time to walk. So I guess I’m just going to, you know, have to choose and yeah. Yeah.
Tricky. Okay. So for you morning, lunch, afternoon, which of those seems like, okay, that’s the thing that will be the least amount of obstacles.
Jessica: I think the morning is it’s kind of. The day hasn’t officially started at work yet, so it’s sort of easier to protect the time and then it feels like it’s done. So if I did more, that would be great too. But yeah, that could be my starting point at least. Or like, that’s, I think that’s where I need to get to a little bit too, is like that walk can be enough. Like, I think so too.
Monica Packer: And, and I’m saying that more just for that people pleaser side of you, who is like, must do all, like if it’s less than like a two mile walk or something like that, then it doesn’t even count.
So what’s the point get home when really like. A 15 minute walk would do wonders. Okay. So how does this, you talked about anchoring and that’s what we’re going to do right now. We’re going to have it stack. You’re already in the habit of taking your kids to school. And I’m assuming that means like you already know, like a good place to park and like walk them in and then just keep walking or
Jessica: you
Monica Packer: drop them off and park and then walk.
Jessica: Yeah, I, I park in the parking lot, walk them to the door, and then instead of walking to my car, I just kind of cut through the school and like a little loop around the neighborhood there.
Monica Packer: Okay. So we already have that. When I drop off the, the kids to school, then I’ll keep walking around the neighborhood.
Okay. Is that something that you feel like you can do on your worst of day already? Like is that a good baseline for you or is that still more of an ideal? Like it would be hard to do that.
Jessica: I mean. A little bit of both. Like, so for today, I have a kid home from school sick, who’s not old enough to be home alone for that school drop off and walk, so that’s not a daily situation, but that is something that comes up, you know,
Monica Packer: yeah, I’m trying to think of maybe we can have a good plan B for you for those sick days, so we can ponder that. But aside from sick days, that, that’s more doable. Yeah. Definitely. Maybe plan B is also like summer, you know, or school breaks day, I think it seems like we’ll need that. Okay. So let’s say. On a, on a day where it is more of the, you’re reacting or you’re ramping up kind of part of the cycle.
That’s something that you can do. Yeah. I think so. Okay. What would be your ideal then? What would be your ideal version of walking?
Jessica: I mean, probably that I would do that morning walk and then also like an afternoon walk. Okay. A separate time. Yeah. Okay. So not building in terms of just doing more of the walk around the neighborhood. Yeah, I guess that could be an option to I feel a little bit time crunched in the not really, I have some flexibility, but you know, like about 20 minutes in the morning is like, low impact any other areas of my life to get done.
Monica Packer: Okay. So this is one of those fun examples where it’s like a little bit different than the normal way I teach it. Right. Where I’m like, you want a baseline and then you build towards your ideal and they tend to be around, like still the same time, like the same kind of time and space. Um, in this case, I feel like your, when then pairing of dropping off your kids and doing that, that little loop around the neighborhood that takes about 20 minutes, that seems like the baseline for you.
Like most days, at least during school. And my kids aren’t sick. That can happen. And then it’s outside of that. It’s once you’re home, we want to come up with another way to build towards more movement. Yes. I think it would be not getting just sucked into my desk, whether it’s like family admin tasks or work stuff, or if I’m in the, I go to the office about two days a week and so sort of similar, like there’s an opportunity to walk there that feels good when I can do that.
Jessica: But I sometimes. And just get stuck at my desk, or it feels like I do for long periods of time. Yeah. Okay. Um, can you do that little, the baseline walk when on the days where you need to go in office? Is that still possible? Yeah. Okay. All right. That’s the perfect baseline, but here’s the thing. I think we’ve got to challenge that side of you.
Monica Packer: That is like the baselines don’t count. Cause that’s like nothing when we’re looking at this is 20 minutes to yourself. This is 20 minutes of my time. This is, this is about me. It’s not even about like my body necessarily. Yeah. Yeah. I do think that that is true. I think that it’s easy for me to think that it’s.
Jessica: It’s not enough or it should be more or versus like kind of celebrating, like, Oh, I’m doing this thing and I love it. And it’s great.
Monica Packer: Well, and actually that was the thing I was going to say, I think what we need to do is we’ve got to retrain that brain of yours.
Jessica: So
Monica Packer: when you complete that walk, you’d need to find a way.
Like you said, to celebrate it,
Jessica: and that may
Monica Packer: seem so dumb, but a big part of habit formation is just brain hacking.
Jessica: And to
Monica Packer: do that, we’re training your brain to want more of something because it feels good. And that walk may innately feel good, which is great. But if you’re like pushing against and saying this is dumb or like that was nothing, um, that’s going to like tap down on all those good chemicals.
So we would need to create more of that. So just for the beginning of this, you want to really buckle down on like saying something to yourself when that walk is done. Like I did it. I know that seems so dumb, but like I did it or like, you know, give yourself a little fist pump.
Or anything like that, that can make you feel like, okay, I did it. Yeah,
Jessica: yeah, no, I think that makes a lot of sense. I can dismiss a lot of the things that I’m doing as like, oh, I did nothing today when that’s not really the case. And then that kind of perpetuates that negative cycle.
Monica Packer: Yeah. It gets you right back into the survival cycle too. Okay. So we’ve got clarity on your baseline. We’re making sure you add that affirm piece. And that’s just, this is the three parts of the sticky habit, magic formula, you have a, when your anchor habit, you have a, then your new habit. And then you have an a WTA and the a is the way you affirm.
That habit in you, and you really have to do that a, especially in the beginning. And then it will just naturally drop off. You won’t always have to give yourself a high five at the end of a walk or something like that. Okay. So we’re doing that now. Let’s think about later on. And then let’s also come up with the, um, plan B for the days where you are, the kids are home for whatever reason it’s summer.
It’s a break. Someone’s sick. Okay. So of the other times that you have lunch or afternoon. Which are the least amount of obstacles for you?
Jessica: That’s a good question. Um, I think lunch probably is because I have an unpaid lunch, it’s supposed to be protected as far as like, I need to take a lunch and that’s my time.
Monica Packer: Is there a certain amount of time that you need to take, like legally, or are you allowed to take a certain amount of time?
Yeah, I think I have to take 30 minutes, I could take an hour. Okay. Is there already something you typically do during lunchtime, like a habitual way that you started? I mean, as eating, I hope it’s eating. Yeah, no, I mean,
Jessica: I eat lunch and scroll on my phone usually is kind of what I do.
Monica Packer: Okay. All right. So could your, when like the already, the habit that you already have that’s existing when I finished my lunch, or do you want to walk before lunch, before you sit down to eat?
Jessica: Yeah, maybe I would walk first or even just 10 minutes. This might be a small, I really try that as like a small amount of time. And then
Monica Packer: especially in addition to your 20 minute walk from earlier, I mean, that’s, that’s got you up to 30 minutes. That’s awesome. Yeah. Case. I like that. There’s a baseline there.
And some days if you’re like, I’m feeling good, I can do more. You can do more around the neighborhood. You could do more about wherever you’re doing your lunchtime walk. And you can do that around your workspace too, at home and at work. Okay. So we need to come up with a way for you to remember to do your quick walk before sitting down and eating.
So is there something that can happen? Or how do you know it’s lunchtime? How do you know it’s time to turn off
Jessica: the computer? Yeah, I don’t have a set lunchtime per se. Sometimes it’s like, when does it fit best in the day? But it is around midday usually.
Monica Packer: So is it almost like while you’re working you intuitively know it’s about midday, I’m at a good spot, or, and so I’m just gonna know intuitively around this is the time I’m gonna go be able to eat, or is there like a set way that you traditionally end your work time?
Jessica: Definitely not a set way. I think it’s kind of, uh, am I hungry, is it a good time, am I tired of working right now? Like, kind of a couple of things.
Monica Packer: All right. So typically I like it to be really specific, but we got to honor your circumstances again. Let’s like work with your limitations instead of against them.
And so maybe this can go more by feeling like when it’s about midday and I’m ready for my lunch break, then I’ll take a 10 minute walk.
Jessica: Yeah, I think that would work. I mean, I also do sort of like the idea of being like, I’m going to take my lunch break. At this time, because then I could maybe like, so that does sound good.
Stay on track, not stay on track as far as, but it would help me not make it. I’d already have decided that I’m doing it.
Monica Packer: Okay. Like, okay. Do they ever schedule a midday meetings or is that so rare that it would be fine for you to have so what, maybe we can go with this and maybe we have a little alarm go off on your watch or your phone that says it’s lunchtime.
Jessica: Yeah.
Monica Packer: It’s your break time, really.
Jessica: I think that would be good because
I think I would do well with a bit of like that boundary in place. Like, Hey. Okay. I love hearing that. And that actually helps with the habit to make it more stable. So do you feel comfortable putting alarm on your watch or your phone? That is a good time. And what’s a good time for you to do that? I mean, I think if I did it at like 11 45, then I could, you know, wrap up and start that 10 minute walk and then be close to eating, you know, a little afternoon.
Perfect. Okay. So you’re going to set an alarm and we want it to be clear. So when my break alarm sounds, Then I’ll stand up. And I would almost say sometimes when you’re in motion, that’s the hardest part. So that’s why I’m saying like, I want to be so specific about what you do. So that way, you know, I’m already in motion.
Monica Packer: So how am I going to break that up? Let’s just say when the alarm goes off, then I’ll, you could say, take a deep breath and say like, it’s my break time and start walking. Or I can stand up and start walking like something, you know, to kind of disrupt whatever you’re doing. Yeah. What, what sounds good to you?
Jessica: I think, yeah, like taking that deep breath, like it’s my break time and starting that, and I do really like this a lot because I feel like every day I’m deciding I’m like, how hungry am I? Could I go for a walk or will I need food first? Or like, uh, you know, there’s just too many things to decide before I start moving.
Monica Packer: Hey, I’m so glad to hear that’s going to add some stability for you, but also like less of a mental load. It’s just decided. All right. So when my alarm sounds, I’ll take a deep breath and say it’s my break time. Like even if you say that internally and then do my 10 minute walk as your baseline. Okay. And then if you can do more, you can do more.
If you can’t, that’s fine. That’s going to be plenty. And then the missing piece here is also still. So we’ve got your W, your T, your one, then pairing. We need your A at the end, your affirm. Let’s just make it the same. And I didn’t ask you about this for your morning habit, but what would it be a good way for you to kind of celebrate that you did it?
Is a simple saying I did it, or is it something else? Yeah, I think probably just like I did it or, um, keeping it simple would be good. Okay, so we can say I did it and go from there. And if that doesn’t feel really natural, you can think of something else, like, even if it’s as simple as just being like, yes, you know, um, Because in the beginning it’s so vital and I know it sounds so ridiculous, but it really is a game changer.
I can see that, especially since I don’t really. Acknowledge the effort I’m already doing or, you know, giving myself the credit for it, or just kind of would be good. And that seems like a big picture thing we wanting you to work on is to acknowledge, you know, almost like to validate how much you do and to acknowledge that what you’re doing is more than enough.
Yeah. Because think of this, even on a baseline day. That’s a 30 minute walk altogether. That’s fantastic. Yeah. And it’s time to yourself. It’s energy. It’s a break. Yeah, no, I think that that would feel really good and just acknowledging that and kind of, like you said, like retraining my brain a little bit of that is enough.
Jessica: Because that adds up over time. I’m also thinking that could be your way to affirm it. Like, that’s enough. That is enough. And not like, that’s enough! Yeah. A different kind. Um, alright. So we’ve got your morning baseline. We’ve got your lunchtime baseline. Uh, let’s come up with a plan B. And plan, like your summer, or break, or the kids are home.
Monica Packer: That baseline may be a little different than your work baseline. You know, kids are at school baseline and that’s okay. So like, it’s okay if your baseline for those days is 10 minutes and that’s all you get and that’s fine. Um, but maybe we can think of another one then pairing, are your kids able, like, are they okay for you to just go around the block on your own or like if they’re home or does that still need to happen when someone else is around?
Cause I know kids are, you know, different ages and safety and all that. Yeah, my, um, it would be fine if my oldest was home because he is old enough and he’s also more comfortable. If my youngest is the only one home, he wouldn’t be comfortable with that. Yeah. We could work towards, we’ll be working towards it, but.
Yeah. So I’m imagining your kids home. You’re still needing to work, still have like house tasks and things to do and taking care of them. Would morning still be best for you? Or is this like a, after they’re in bed kind of thing?
Jessica: Yeah, it might be when they’re in bed or like when my husband gets home from work, we kind of have a, it’s not a through streets.
I can kind of do two laps around and like 10 minutes.
Monica Packer: Okay, does that feel like a good baseline for you on those kind of days, or? Yeah, I think
Jessica: so, that would be, so I think otherwise I would need to pick a different activity, like.
Monica Packer: Yeah, I’m wondering that too. I mean, but, that’s up to you, I think. Sometimes being in the momentum with even just the 10 minute walk and you get home and you’re like, Oh, there’s still a little bit more time before dinner.
I can, I can do some squats or lunches or do a yoga video that can come along. That can be the ideal that you’re working towards. Like I’m going to move my body no matter what. Yeah. It looks like it doesn’t have to be walking, but that 10 minute walk can help create the momentum you need to build towards more of that ideal.
Yeah, I think so. So. When they’re home, it’s more of like movement time. And the baseline sounds like when my husband gets home from work, then I’ll go on a 10 minute walk and affirm it in yourself. But the ideal may be when my husband gets home, I go for like a 30 minute walk or I do my 10 minute walk and I come home and do a quick like yoga video or maybe a longer one.
Cause we have time or a workout. Does that sound more about your ideal? Yeah,
Jessica: I think so. And I think even You know, depending on the scenario of them being homesick, but I could definitely do a workout video with them here because they’re old enough that they don’t need me to like, not toddlers. So I can sure do a workout video or there’s been other times where I’ve been like, okay, I’m going to walk up and down our stairs a handful of times and
Monica Packer: yeah,
Jessica: just to kind of get some movement in or sit on the porch for that fresh air.
Monica Packer: That’s great. So on those kinds of times where like it is a sick kid. And even this baseline doesn’t, this, this plan B baseline doesn’t work on those days. I want you to remember this phrase and it’s more times than not, because that’s really what you’re going for. You’re going for more times than not. I am putting myself on the list and the way I’m doing that is movement and I’m not doing it to meet a prescription.
I’m doing it for myself and what I need. And this is time to myself. Genuine time.
Jessica: Yeah, I love that. I think that’s really supportive. It’s not so like black and white of like, it has to be these days or this many days a week or whatever.
Monica Packer: There’s going to be flexibility here. Like we have those baselines and I think they’re going to be pretty consistent during the school year, but yeah, on a sick day like this, remind yourself more times than not.
And if you happen to fit in another way to move at any point of the day, because even plan B is not going to be good that day, maybe your husband’s out of town. That’s fine. That’s where you have the, you don’t, it doesn’t have to all be a concrete plan and you have to do it according to the plan.
Jessica: Yes.
Yeah. That feels really supportive. You guys need to remind myself to, or give that permission a little bit more.
Monica Packer: Yeah. We all need that. And me included, like I had to tell myself that too. Okay, this is good. I think we got a lot of practical stuff done today. We’ve come up with your traditional baseline of ways to exercise during the school year.
We’ve come up with your plan B for when the kids are home. And, uh, I think where, you know, more what your ideal is in terms of a certain length of time of movement, but the bigger picture, again, we’re coming back to it is time to yourself. Letting the responsibilities rest
Jessica: even
Monica Packer: that 10 minutes so that you’re on the list and you have that wherewithal to be yourself, to be Jessica showing up as yourself to you, to these, survival kind of times.
So that way it will feel less like survival and we can dampen that pattern for you.
Jessica: Yeah. I think that’s going to feel really good. I’m excited to work on this.
Monica Packer: I’m too for you. And also I’m very curious about where the, I just said the word curious, but I’m curious where your own curiosity about your responsibilities will take you to over time.
We don’t have to fix those overnight. And it doesn’t have to be like you coming out with guns blazing and being like, we’re changing the whole structure of the whole house and everyone’s doing these things and I’m not, you know, and we’re paying for these things. It doesn’t, it’s one thing at a time. And it will be so gradual, but having that knowledge is what’s going to help you do it.
Instead of just continuing to stay in these patterns.
Jessica: Yeah, I think that’s great. I think too. It’s a good time. My kids are getting older, so it’s like fresh, like how we’re looking at things. Cause Um, and it’s doing the same things we did eight years ago. I don’t really, it doesn’t really make sense. So it’s kind of a perfect time to kind of tune into that.
And like you said, be curious about it.
Monica Packer: Well, I’m here for you. So you can email me if you want to give me an update. If you had to tweak one of your WTAs here, feel free. If you want to just tell me how you’re doing progressing, I’d love to hear about it. Um, so just email me that, and we always like to end by you just sharing what is the one thing, you know, you want to take away from our coaching call today.
Jessica: I think honestly, it’s gonna be like giving myself a bit more grace about what’s enough and kind of starting a little bit smaller and celebrating those pieces. Um, because I think that that I could just see how many areas of my life I could really apply that to. So I think that’d be really helpful.
Monica Packer: And what’s so fun is.
Your baseline walk for the day is going to be, it won’t just be about the walk that will trickle down to other areas of your life where you realize, okay, this way of making sure the bathrooms are cleaned. That’s enough this way of ensuring the laundry gets done and is put away. That’s enough and same with work and, you know, it will just trickle down to a lot of areas.
Yeah, absolutely. Well, Jessica, this was
Jessica: an honor. Thank you so much for being here. Yeah. Thank you so much. I’m really excited to try these out and everything. Me too. You’ll have to let me know. I really mean it. And that’s something I.
Monica Packer: So one more question before we talk about that part.
Okay.
I’m trying to remember what the question was I just had in my head. So one second, it’s going to come back.
