In this coaching call episode, I chat with Sarah, a mom struggling with resentment in her family relationships. We delve into her feelings of being under appreciated and overwhelmed by the weight of her responsibilities. Together, we explore the roots of her resentment and uncover her desires for more peace, flexibility, and self-expression.
Throughout the conversation, we discuss the importance of acknowledging her wants and choices, as well as the steps she can take towards reclaiming her sense of self and fostering healthier dynamics within her family.
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TRANSCRIPT
Monica Packer: Sarah, thanks for doing this coaching call with me today.
Sarah: Thank you. I’m, I’m really excited
Monica Packer: Can you tell us a little bit about you?
Sarah: Yes. So I am a mom and I like to call myself a domestic engineer and hobby farm manager. I’ve got, um, four children. Youngest is eight, oldest is 17. So I’m kind of outta the little kid stage, but you know, there’s a lot of new things that come up with the, with older children.
I love cooking food is like, food is my love language. I, I actually studied, food science, in college. I have a, a BS in food science. And so I didn’t really do anything with that and in terms of a career, but it has really influenced my. Cooking and everything. But that’s that’s where I find the most joy. that, and I love gardening. I have a very large garden. We have chickens, I, I enjoy being outdoors and if I need quiet time, it’s like, okay, I’m gonna go out and weed in the garden, and the kids I know will leave me alone because I’m working and they don’t wanna be pulled into it.
Monica Packer: yeah, exactly.
I love learning more about you and I’m pleased that you’re here today. How about you tell us, why you were interested in doing a coaching call?
Sarah: So I’ve, especially for the last few years, I’ve been feeling a lot of resentment when it comes to my relationship with my family. Feeling, you know, underappreciated. I, I definitely am a like, acts of service type person. I like to serve other people. I like to do things for other people.
And then when it doesn’t come back to me I, I feel like I am not, not being appreciative, not feeling the, the love that I need to, or feel like I, I should get from, from the people I’m closest to. So I, I’ve been dealing with a lot of resentment and, and, struggle with, With my relationship with, with my family, with my husband, and with my children.
Monica Packer: And so if, if I were to phrase this as a question, it’s how do I better manage my resentment I’m having with my relationships and my family?
Sarah: Yes, yes. Because I know the only person I can truly change is myself. Um, and how I relate to other people, I can’t change them.
Monica Packer: Yeah. Okay. And in many ways that is true.
You can’t change people. But if you have a, you know, willing relationships, you can shape them. And there is hope for behavior to change ultimately,
Sarah: right. And I, I feel like as I can change my own behavior and my own reactions, that those things will kind of naturally follow me.
I have to be careful not to expect too much because once again, Um, I, I’m working on myself, but I, I, feel like if I can manage it better, that I will, my reactions, ’cause I’m, I can be cranky and impatient and, that will hopefully start to change as I feel better about my situation.
Monica Packer: Okay. And that’s actually what I was gonna ask. How do you, like, how does this resentment manifest you? You just said you feel a little bit more cranky, you get impatient. What else?
Sarah: I can be very irritable. When I, I, feel like I’m not being appreciated, or I can also kind of just shut down and
Monica Packer: Okay.
Sarah: Just kind of am silent and fume, or I will, sometimes it will come out as guilting. Like, why do I do all of this for you and you guys don’t ever do anything for me? For example, I I, will make a really nice breakfast for my kids, And They put their plates in the sink. They don’t check that the dishwasher’s ready for dishes And then leave everything on the table for me to clear off. And if I’m in a hurry, I come home and the milk’s still on the table going bad.
And I just, I will say, gosh guys, why can’t you do this? You know, I made breakfast for you and here. I’m having to clean it all up. And you know. Using guilt, which I know isn’t the best way to manage it, but that’s how it comes out In the moment when I’m, I’m dealing with these sorts of things.
Monica Packer: Yeah, I can see a lot of pain with this and it’s something that I actually really resonate with, and I know so many, so many, so many women do.
It’s that teeter-totter of overreacting or shutting down,and it’s like you’re on that teeter-totter, and it doesn’t feel like you can control which way it’s going and whatever way it’s going. It’s at a level where you’re not managing it well.
It’s not you.
It’s not you in charge. Okay. Um, you described making breakfast and this kind of thing coming up.
Are there any other scenarios where you’re like, this is pretty indicative of what it looks like for me?
Sarah: Um, well, I I feel like I do a lot for my children. Um, I want to. Because that’s how I show my love for them, is to, to do things for them, to drive them places or you know, for example, if they forget something at home that’s really important for school, I will it, as long as it fits into my schedule, I will drive to the school and I will drop it off. And then when everybody’s home, I feel like getting them to do their chores is like pulling teeth. It doesn’t happen.
So I feel like I’m giving, giving, giving, and they don’t give back. So I end up with a house that’s not very clean because they don’t do their chores, And I’m feeling resentment because I’ve been running them around doing all the things, trying to remind them to do what they’re supposed to, and it doesn’t Happen.
I hope that makes sense.
Monica Packer: It does.
You know, the thing that just keeps coming to mind for me, Sarah, is just what you’re experiencing and what you’re putting words is the pain of being the person who is bearing the, the majority of the weight of invisible labor in your home,
and carrying both the mental and physical labor that goes underneath all of that in ways where it feels painful. To not be noticed. It feels painful to not be seen, to be supported,
um, to see that other people are noticing the real work that it goes, that goes into upholding and supporting a household and all the many, many layers of work that goes into that, like so many that we can’t even. Name. So let’s talk about resentment though.
Let’s lean into this a little bit more. Uh, resentment is a sign of a lot of things, and I mean, this is the kind of feeling that I typically need to spend a lot of hours unfolding the many layers. More at the surface and two directions that we can go a little deeper in. The two big main things that resentment points to is one, it points to what we actually want.
I know that may seem confusing ’cause you’re like, that is not what it feels like.
Sarah: Right,
Monica Packer: more about that. And the second big thing it points to is this idea of choice. So let’s go those two directions as much as we can today and give you a place to leave this call and. Keep pursuing those two directions and make more progress in that.
And as you do that, I think you’re gonna find more trickle down effect of other areas that you could identify that play into this,
like better communication and follow through with maybe other members of your household who can contribute as well in terms of helping people follow through.
I’m thinking maybe your spouse
or having more house rules, like things like that can come, but let’s do the deep kind of work here first. So let’s talk about. What you want. If you were to name what you actually want and how, what this resentment is showing you, you want, does anything come right to mind?
Sarah: That’s actually something that I have thought of a lot. One thing that comes up frequently when I think about that is I don’t want to feel like I’m responsible for everything.
Monica Packer: . Okay? Mm-Hmm.
Sarah: at the same time, I like to have control or feel like things are in control, which those two things really fight against each other. Because To not be responsible, I have to say, okay, well I’m gonna let this person be responsible for this, and whatever happens, I have to be happy with that.
Um, or at least accept that well, they’re responsible for it. And so if that’s how it turns out, but then I’m like, but I want my house clean,
Right?
If I say, you are responsible for doing this one thing well, when it doesn’t. happen. It still affects me. And I don’t like that. I think the main thing is just I feel like everything in my family depends on me. And if I weren’t there, everything would fall apart. And I don’t like feeling that way.
Monica Packer: Mm-Hmm. Especially because, from what you’ve said, it’s not like people are even aware just how much everything would fall apart if you were to step away.
Sarah: And at the same time, Monica, maybe it wouldn’t, maybe I am just being so. has to be this way that if I were to leave, maybe they would just find new ways of doing it that aren’t the way that I would do it, and that’s okay.
Monica Packer: Okay. Hmm.
Sarah: You know? So I think maybe that’s something I need to work on.
Understanding and, and believing that I don’t have to be responsible for everything because.
People will figure out how to do things and it won’t be the way that I do it, But that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s wrong,
Monica Packer: , okay. What I’m seeing that you want, you don’t want to bear the weight of being responsible for everything,
Sarah: right?
Monica Packer: of all the things. I’ve also, I, I think, heard you say that you want to be noticed more.
Sarah: Yes, absolutely.
Monica Packer: Absolutely. Do you also want more support? Is that an another word for this?
Sarah: I don’t know That support is the right word, because at least with my husband, he’s forgetful and forgets a lot of the things that I ask him to do to it, I know that he does support me. He does the dishes almost all the time in our house.
I do a lot, but he, you know, there are ways that I am being supported, so I’m not sure that that’s quite, the right word
Monica Packer: So let’s leave just a little bit of an open space
Sarah: yeah. Yeah.
Monica Packer: you want. Let’s kind of make some space there and see what we come back to of other
ways we can say, oh, actually I want this, this is what I want. But right now we have, we you want to be noticed more. You want to be less responsible for everything. Now with these wants, you have some fears and it seems like fear of letting go of control
Sarah: Yeah, definitely. Yeah.
Monica Packer: Fear of making trade-offs. Um, with those things, are you afraid of making the wrong trade-offs? Are you afraid of those trade-offs being a reflection of you and your quality, your work, your efficacy as a mother? What are you afraid of in terms of what you’re letting go or what you would be letting go of.
Sarah: Would you define trade off for me so I know that I’m processing or Right.
Monica Packer: So when you have to let go of control a little
Sarah: Uhhuh.
Monica Packer: You mentioned how that means you have to be okay with the way people do things, or you have to be okay with the way you’re not doing it, and the
trade off of either having to enforce consequences or having to have hard conversations, or having to bear the labor of reminding people that they not, not like you’re reminding ’em, nagging ’em, but , reminding them of the natural consequences that will happen as they are not doing these things and how much it matters to you. I mean, it can just kind of spiral
Sarah: Right. It absolutely does.
Monica Packer: yeah, a trade off is where you are choosing one thing. You’re saying yes to one thing and no to another, essentially.
I don’t think I’m worried about being judged by others with those trade-offs. I think most of it is the, the control issue. I, I do tend to border on an being really anxious,
Sarah: and I think that control is my part of my way of coping with that, that, you know, if I do it this way, I know it works every time or, um, and so letting.
Monica Packer: the control.
Sarah: Yeah, so letting go of control tends to make me more anxious because I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know how it’s going to end. up, And so I, I just kind of buckle down on the control because at least it’s familiar and I know what’s gonna happen.
Monica Packer: Okay. So what’s attached to that fear of letting go is the fear of uncertainty.
Sarah: Yeah, absolutely. That is a huge part of it.
Monica Packer: Mm-Hmm. Especially because like in advance, like you said they could actually step up. They could, they could do it in a different way, but that’s not certain. And also they may not do it. And, and how one unfolds like that spiral I just mentioned. That’s pretty, that’s not a clear like, oh, this will happen.
Sarah: Mm-Hmm. Right.
Monica Packer: either way. Okay. So don’t worry, we’re gonna come back to this, this whole area of what you want. I wanna lean into the other side to this, that resentment points to something that I actually see come up a lot in women who are feeling resentment. They’re also feeling despair in many ways, and despair is kind of a companion emotion, feeling to resentment.
Very valid. But despair always shows us that we don’t feel like we have choices.
Sarah: Mm-Hmm.
Monica Packer: I am the only one who can do this.
Sarah: Right,
Monica Packer: Like, I do not have a choice in this scenario. If they don’t put their dishes in the dishwasher, that’s me.
If, if they’re not being driven by me to their activity, then they don’t go if they forget their lunch, like it’s all the steps, right. Of. Right. Of not feeling like you even have a choice to not do something like that. Is that resonating with you?
Sarah: Absolutely. A hundred percent.
Monica Packer: Okay. In what ways? In what ways do you feel like I don’t have a choice.
Sarah: I think it’s the anxiety of the unknown. That if I don’t do it, I don’t know what’s going to happen. And that’s very scary. There are all things that I want that I want to happen, right? I want to have a clean home. I want to have my children eat lunch. if they forget it at home, you know that They’re they’re all good things. I just, you, you
Monica Packer: want to be a good mom.
Sarah: Right. Exactly. I,
Monica Packer: it’s like this is the heart of it all right? Yeah,
Sarah: I want to, to do things that will help support my children and what they’re doing and what they’re learning and if I don’t do it, then they don’t get that.
Monica Packer: Basically, Sarah, this is really hard. I mean like, you’re like, yeah, no doubt. Like it is really difficult, but it’s also not unusual. And I say that not to downplay or dismiss how painful this is, it’s actually to validate it because this is a very common thing, especially when resentment is stemming from someone who is doing this all with good intention.
Of trying to be a good fill in the blank for this, in this case, a good mom.
So it’s not like you’re like, I have bad intentions and I am just thinking of myself. But in doing this invisible work for so long and carrying such massive weight in ways that people can’t see it can come at a cost.
Sarah: Right.
Monica Packer: for you is feeling a lack of these things, like you don’t feel noticed. It’s coming at a cost of feeling like you can’t have choice. It’s coming at the loss of not being able to drop a ball here and there, or to know that you don’t have to be responsible for everyone and everything.
Sarah: Right.
Monica Packer: One of that is ringing true to you.
Sarah: That that feeling of I can’t drop the ball.
Monica Packer: Mm-Hmm.
Sarah: That weight, that Pressure. That feeling trapped and something that I want to do.
Monica Packer: Mm-Hmm.
Sarah: That I, you know, in a way I really love, but I feel trapped and
Monica Packer: Okay.
Sarah: yeah,
Monica Packer: I’m so impressed that you would use that word ’cause it’s really loaded, but I don’t think there’s a better word to describe this.
Sarah: There really isn’t, and, and I think it’s that combination that trapped in something that I love. Trapped in something that I want.
Monica Packer: Mm-Hmm.
Sarah: because I chose this life. I chose what I’m doing.
Monica Packer: I don’t know if you’ve ever heard me talk about this time in my life where I recognize I had the same exact experience, right? Of feeling resentful of the beautiful life I always wanted.
Sarah: right.
Monica Packer: I have yet to ever have a negative email or critique or message about that because I think many women understand what you are saying here.
I don’t want a different life. I want it to feel different.
Sarah: Exactly. Yeah.
Monica Packer: And as part of that, there are some changes that need to happen as a family. There are some major changes and we can, we can talk about that
Sarah: Okay.
Monica Packer: and we will, but those changes take time. And they also take more labor from you. And I’m one of those people like, I like to just know, just tell me what to expect.
And this is one of those things like expect that it is going to take more time and work for your family to make the changes that need to happen so that your life will feel different.
Sarah: right.
Monica Packer: It will actually probably look a lot the same on the outside, but it will feel different because of the changes you can make as a family. But in the meantime, we’re going back to what you said the very beginning of the call, ’cause you’re really smart. It does start with the internal ones
Sarah: Yeah.
Monica Packer: and it actually starts by anchoring into those two things. Anchoring in that you have wants and knowing what they are. And you do have a choice. One of the most radical things a therapist did for me is remind me that I actually did have a choice.
You know, when I was describing like all the things that were going on with my little family and the way I was caring and how essentially I could not drop a ball and that only I could carry all of this.
And she actually was like, um, you can leave your family. Have you given yourself that choice? And I was like, no. How terrible. You know?
But she’s like, what if you open yourself up to that? But not because you wanted me to, but because in giving me that pause, like what do I want? It helped me see, I do not want do that
Sarah: right,
Monica Packer: Because I don’t want to leave this family. I’m choosing this family. I’m choosing these special needs kids that are really demanding. I am choosing the complications of my marriage that are gonna take a lot of work. I’m choosing the hard conversations. I’m choosing the communication. I’m choosing the labor to get my family where it needs to be. And I know I’m talking a lot right now, but the reason I’m saying that is because Eve Rodsky did a lot of research on this, and as painful as this is to know her research shows that each relationship, including in families, they need a change maker.
Sarah: Uh huh.
Monica Packer: Someone who is willing to raise their hand. And, and choose what they want and show like, this is how we are going to change and I’m gonna do the work and I need you to do it alongside me. And as part of that, there is kind of an or else, and, and that, that’s tough and that’s where the communication comes in. And, but honestly, you’re already living the or else?
Sarah: right.
Monica Packer: Or else you get someone who was not me or else you get damage to our relationships or else there is so much stress in our home that I am someone I do not wanna be, or else our connection suffers.
You’re already living it.
Sarah: Right. Yeah, I agree.
Monica Packer: So let’s talk about what we can anchor into. What do you want? I know we already talked about this, so it’s kind of a revisit, but it’s also like, what else is coming up for you? I want this.
Sarah: Right.
Well, I, I, I want people to step up and take ownership of what they want.
Monica Packer: Ooh, okay. That’s good.
Sarah: Um,
Monica Packer: What else?
Sarah: uh, let’s see.
I want to detach from the things that are important to me. that may be important to someone else, And let it be important to them and let them make it important and make it so often. Um, I find that, well, if it’s important to you, well then I’m going to make it happen for you, but that’s not the way that it should be.
And that’s, that’s something that I’ve had,
Monica Packer: that I.
Sarah: uh, a lot of conversations with when I’m out in the garden working, you know, discovering, okay, what’s important to me? This, this project’s important to me. Well, this project’s important to my husband, but I’m doing it for him, so maybe I need to stop doing it for him and say, okay, if this is important to you, I’m gonna let you do it.
Monica Packer: This is good. Keep going.
Sarah: I think I need to figure out, I. When, when it comes to things that are important to me, what I am willing to do to make it happen
and then leave the, gosh, I’m not sure how to, how to put this. I’m thinking mostly like in cleaning, like what’s really important to me and make sure that I am doing it, and then let the rest of it go and let People be in charge of, of that thing?
Monica Packer: This is where I’m gonna try to put words to what I feel like you’re saying and you can say yes or no, um, or something different. Okay. It seems like you’re saying I want clarity on what matters to me so I can take ownership of those things and then better delegate the other things that don’t matter as much for me.
Sarah: Yes, that, that, that’s perfect.
Monica Packer: that’s perfect.
Okay. If you were to put some like feelings or emotions to what you want, like how do you wanna feel in your life, what would those be?
Sarah: I would love to feel more peace
Monica Packer: Mm-Hmm.
Sarah: And a lot of that is, is out of my con control. Well. The, a lot of that comes from me learning to manage, um, my anxious feelings better, but Also. choosing not to worry about what I don’t need to worry about.
Monica Packer: Okay, so with that piece comes also the action of better supporting yourself, it sounds like,
Sarah: Huh?
Monica Packer: um, in, in ways that you may need, whether they’re habit wise.
You know, making sure that you’re getting on a walk or you’re journaling to support the anxiety that may come up for you. And also the literal work of letting things go,
Sarah: Right. Yeah.
Monica Packer: So more peace. Any other emotions or feelings? I want more.
Sarah: I wanna feel more carefree.
Monica Packer: Mm-Hmm.
Sarah: I know that the, the times when I’m connecting best With my children, with my spouse, I am, I’m not naturally very silly person, but I, you know that there’s times when it’s just Like I, I let expectations go and I just Let things be silly and, and fun and not worrying about, okay, next step, next step, next step,
Let’s do the next thing. Or, you know, let’s hurry. I, I would love to have more of that, it goes along with peace a lot, just, but there’s that lack of, of worry and being like, I can I can just, be silly right now, and it’s okay.
Monica Packer: yeah, it seems like it, even though you’re saying you’re not naturally that person, it seems like a part of you though, you know, a part that you’d like to be around more,
Sarah: right.
Exactly.
Monica Packer: less stressed, less urgent.
Sarah: Yes.
I, I’m very much a urgent. I have to do these things and don’t like being interrupted. I wanna be less of that.
Monica Packer: more flexible.
Sarah: yeah. Yeah.
Monica Packer: Yeah. This is good stuff. Okay. I’m gonna just repeat some of these things back to you, and
if there’s anything else on the tip of your tongue, they’re like, I want more of this. Let’s add to it whether it’s a feeling or a literal thing here.
I want. People to step up more and take ownership of what matters to them. I want to detach from what does not matter. I want more clarity on what matters to me and better delegate the rest. I want more peace. I want more letting go. I want less urgency, less stress. I want more flexibility.
Sarah: Yeah, that that sounds, that sounds good.
Monica Packer: And one word I would suggest too is I want to be myself, because that resentment to me is just why it’s so painful, is because it’s not only making you not feel like yourself, it’s making you not act like the person you know you really are.
Sarah: Right. Yeah, I would agree.
Monica Packer: So what we do, like we said, we start here and we start with knowing what we want and owning what we want.
Sarah: Right.
Monica Packer: Okay. I want these things. This is the big picture of, of why it matters that you are willing to step into the role as the change maker
Sarah: Okay.
Monica Packer: because not only will these things. Be what happens and they will. I am telling you this is what is reachable and on the other side of this work, even though it, you know, continues to take work, but
it will get easier with time. So now that we have owned better, this is what I want. It also helps us know what choices we are gonna make from here.
Starting internally. So for you, what choices do you feel like you can own for yourself?
Sarah: I, I think first and foremost, I need to choose to stay and try.
Monica Packer: Beautiful. Mm-Hmm.
Sarah: Because I’m choosing to continue to want My life and the way that it is.
Monica Packer: Hmm. So I’m gonna choose. I’m choosing to stay. I’m choosing to try and try and try. I’m choosing my life. However complicated and messy it is right now. I am choosing this life still.
Sarah: Exactly, exactly.
Monica Packer: Exactly. What else do you know? You can choose
Sarah: I can choose. To confront the things that are making me anxious about my life
Monica Packer: Okay.
Sarah: Instead of, you know, hiding and numbing. Some of it I think is, is choosing some different habits that might give me More fulfillment in, in who I am.
Monica Packer: who I’m, yeah.
Sarah: I, I, I think that there’s a lot that I can change about how I, am coping with the, the stress and the resentment that if I can find better things to, to manage it, that it will lead to less resentment overall because I’m managing things better and
Monica Packer: see, but I’m shaking my head like nodding it so hard. It’s about to fall off my, my neck. But um. Yes. And I will tell you honestly because being a change maker takes so much work and time, but it is possible and it will happen to those things. I am very certain of, especially for you. I am certain of those two things. I do not think you and your life and your family are a lost cause.
Sarah: Yeah,
Monica Packer: I do not. But with that, I can tell you that that fulfillment piece, feeling like yourself, feeling full of yourself, that is what will give you the energy to keep going. And it will give you the self that needs to be coming back in here more than anything.
I think if you felt like yourself, you’d be able to manage this resentment that might come up. Manage what needs to happen, manage the hard conversations manage the systems. That will change the delegation.
But it comes back to am I supporting myself? Do I feel like myself?
Sarah: Right.
Monica Packer: That’s huge.
Now, what will happen from here is this trickle down effect. And once you have more of this core. You’re gonna be able to have more of an inner compass to lead you in what hard conversations to have, what things to delegate, what consequences are gonna be happening. But that can come with time.
We don’t have to know it all now. We don’t have to have an exact plan. We don’t have to have a script for the conversations because it will be different for each person, even within your own family, about what those conversations will look like. And they’ll take a, they’ll take many conversations too, but that’s the most important part. You were right all along.
Sarah: Uh huh.
Monica Packer: I mean, you knew this, Sarah, even coming into it, the inner part of you knew it’s this stuff.
Sarah: Yeah, which is sometimes the hardest to deal with.
Monica Packer: To feel it is. Dang it. I mean, but that’s where honestly, the guilt version of this doesn’t, it doesn’t work. Right.
But the loving, like, you can say these same things and, and remind your family when you don’t follow through with even looking in the dishwasher, it makes me feel like I don’t matter. It makes me feel like I’m taken for granted.
Sarah: Right,
Monica Packer: That’s a lot different than saying, I do everything for you. Can’t you even just look to see if the dishwasher is empty?
Sarah: right.
Monica Packer: It’s the same it’s a different way of doing it. It comes from a different place. It comes from a stable sense of self.
Sarah: Right. Yeah.
So what, what’s kind of right now feeling good to you? What’s something that is sinking in?
Sarah: So I, I think right now I need to just kind of identify these areas that are causing maybe the most resentment so that I can have those conversations and help, together come up with a solution that can, that can work for, for all of us, you know, making sure that I am listening to.
What they say and not just coming with the, this is the way that it has to be. Um, letting, letting them give suggestions and, you know, that way they can take some ownership for it as well. Because if, if it’s just me coming and saying, you have to Do it this way, or I’m not gonna feel,
Monica Packer: gonna feel. Got it. Yes.
Sarah: then, I mean, and then Also. Not getting so upset when it just doesn’t change right away
Monica Packer: right That’s Right?
Sarah: and allowing
Monica Packer: That’s so important.
Sarah: And it’s so hard. It’s like, okay, I’ve told you now we’ve decided that this is what needs to happen. Why aren’t you doing it?
Monica Packer: Where that stability, right, of like feeling more internally supported and that you are your yourself more often. That’s what will help you ride those waves because you’re right, it won’t be a one time conversation. And also you don’t wanna be the only one in charge of what things have to look like in order for it to be better. So I love this idea of you making a more collaborative approach, uh, both helping them recognize what you need more.
But also that you’re not just going to be still like the pointing and telling them to do things certain ways. It’s like, how can we do this better as a family? What ideas do you have? I think that’s beautiful. I did tell you we were gonna work more on like what these steps actually look like, but that’s it. So you’ve already
Sarah: Okay.
Monica Packer: It’s narrowing down what matters and how can I start one thing at a time and working on bringing myself to these conversations and to these scenarios. One thing at a time.
Sarah: Right. Okay.
Monica Packer: I will tell you, resentment will never completely disappear. It will flare up. And let’s just look at it like the teacher that we just walked through today. What is it trying to tell me? I want, how is it reflecting where I feel like I do not have choices? And then how can I instead anchor into those two things to move through this
Sarah: Okay. Sounds manageable. Hopefully.
Monica Packer: Yeah, I, I, I know you’re gonna get there and it’s like any other muscle, you know, it will get stronger over time or your ability to work through it. And I think you’re already doing great. So I’m really grateful that you take the time, Sarah. Thank you for being here.
Sarah: Well, I am so grateful that you gave me this opportunity. Thank you very much.
Monica Packer: It’s something that I actually really resonate with, and I know so many, so many, so many women do. Um, it’s, it’s this, this, you know, complex kind of, what’s that little, hold on, it’s gonna come to me, the. The toy at the playground. Oh, okay.
Sarah: Oh, Seesaw
Monica Packer: kind of,
Sarah: teeterr totter. Yeah.
Monica Packer: Uhhuh.
But one of the things that, she comes back to a lot in fair play. I lost it, Sarah. Hold on. What was I saying? Right before this? Before, this is how my postpartum brain works. I’m literally in the middle of a sentence and it just disappears.
