You know that feeling—you set an exciting goal or decide to start a new habit, but soon after, your initial enthusiasm fizzles out. I like to call that ‘Follow-Through Fallout.’ It happens to the best of us, and it’s completely normal!
Today, I’ll share my own journey through this phenomenon, the unexpected hurdles I faced, and the strategies I used to keep going. We’ll explore why follow-through fallout occurs, break down the psychological factors behind it, and most importantly, discuss practical tips to overcome it. Whether you’re working on New Year’s resolutions or any personal goals, this episode is packed with insights to help you push past the slump and achieve what you set out to do.
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TRANSCRIPT
Monica Packer: Hi, I’m Monica Packer. And this is About Progress, where we are about progress made practical.
Two years ago, I decided it was finally time for my kids to learn how to ski. Now, I grew up in Utah where the snow is very famous all over the world for being that powder, good kind of snow. I didn’t grow up in Utah. Upskying a ton though, and that was because I was the fifth of seven kids and it’s a pretty expensive pastime.
However, once I got to high school, they had this really cool thing going on. I think actually Mayhew started in junior high, but if you were on an honor roll, you could get a hundred dollars extra. Season pass to Park City. And I kept getting on that honor roll because I was a, you guessed it, nerd alongside all my friends.
So I had that seasonal pass every year up until college. Then once I went to college, I realized how much more expensive a season pass was, and I didn’t ski until 16 years later, which brings us back to now. Two years ago when I was like, okay, family, it is time for you to learn how to ski too. We had moved from the Bay area.
We lived there for 13 years and we moved back to Utah. And for the first two years we lived here, we didn’t go skiing. There was just a lot going on in our lives. But once we were finally moved into our home, which we had renovated for a year and a half and things were getting settled there, I thought, You know, but we need, we need a winter sport, a time to bond, to have more time together and a way for my kids to have some good recreation during the winter months as I get older with good friends too.
I would really prefer they do that over a lot of other things. And I know that it was a really fun and bonding thing between me and my friends when I grew up too. Brad and I talked through it. And I also spoke to a couple of friends who have lived in Salt Lake for a very long time about, Hey, how can I get my kids skiing on the cheap from where I can get free to cheap passes to where I can get used ski gear and the like. And they gave me All the information that I needed to know.
And now I knew that I was going to likely do this single handedly. Brad was going to stay back with the younger child at the time, and now younger children, which he does. And I was going to be the one to have to get the three big kids up on the mountain, teaching them how to ski and doing it.
Time in and time out. But I knew I wanted to do it. I was so excited. We went and got the used ski gear. We got them their free passes. I had to get a punch pass so I could ski alongside them. But all told, we were really happy with how low of a budget we were able to do it all under.
So now we were all ready to go. We had the gear, we had the passes and we had a set aside time.
And despite being set to go. I no longer felt set to go. In fact, all my prior excitement and eagerness to have this fun time with my children were replaced with stress and dread. Honestly, the real work it would entail to single handedly get all the equipment loaded up, the kids outfitted, boots buckled.
If you’ve ever done ski boots, they’re a real job in and of themselves, and I knew I had to do it for me and three other children at the time. Now I do it for four when we go anyway, all of that weighed on me so heavily and suddenly my follow through seemed destined to fail. Have you experienced this before where you had a big goal that you wanted to pursue or maybe a hobby that you were ready to revisit
or maybe a new habit it was time to pick up. And whatever originally sounded good, no longer felt good anymore. I call this the follow through fallout. And if you’ve been through it, know this, it is totally normal and there’s something you can do about it.
And actually there’s a few things you can do about it. With it being the new year when our resolution bright minds are ready to plan and go, go, go, and do, do, do. I thought we should have an honest conversation on what it actually looks like to follow through and do something when you no longer feel like doing that thing.
More on follow through fallout is coming up after a quick break for our sponsors.
Let’s start with a definition. What is follow through fallout? There is no Webster dictionary definition because it’s a term that I came up with. So here’s my own. Follow through fallout is when something you anticipated to pursue no longer contains the allure nor energy you originally experienced while setting out to do that thing.
Instead of following through with your intentions, you find yourself stuck in a rut. An inaction or quitting soon after. So typically I find that the follow through fallout happens sooner rather than later.
Why does this happen? Why do we not do the things we really wanted to do? And for good reasons. It really comes down to our human psyche. Think again of the new year and just think of this new year time and how ambitious we are to make all the changes. When we’re at the beginning of something, however, big or small, we have that sparkling end in mind.
And. That end fills us with energy, but when we have to actually take action, the energy required to take that action looms over us in a different way. Now we’re thinking about all the steps that actually have to be accomplished to make that thing possible.
I shared the overarching reason of it being our human nature, but let’s break this down a little bit more. Some of the reasons why we have follow through Fallout include overwhelm, fear, we could spend a whole episode on that, I mean, fear of failure, fear of the work that it will entail, fear of being an outlier, fear of other people’s disapproval, lots of fear.
Another reason is, The comfort zone, even when we want to make a good change, research from Dr. Aditi Nirkar shows us that even good change to the brain reads as stress. That means we will have to get out of our nice, comfortable, stress. Bubble. And that is difficult to do so understandably. And it’s one of the biggest reasons why we experienced follow through fallout.
Another reason, and this is what I typically see after someone has started, but they soon experienced the fallout, is that the fun fades. Little known fact. I used to be a piano teacher and it’s not because I’m an amazing pianist. I’m actually like pretty meh. I love playing the piano,
but more for my own regulation and to relax, to feel my feelings. And the reason I became a piano teacher was only because someone from my church congregation asked me if I’d be willing to teach their children. There were very few piano teachers to speak of in the Bay area where we lived.
And the ones that were available were extremely expensive. I was young, not super professional, but I could teach kids and I could do it on the cheap. So I became the resident. Piano teacher in my local congregation. That first family I taught were so darling. The oldest boy had already had a few, a few years of lessons under his belt.
So we were able to just jump right into the deep end. His younger sister, who was then seven years old, it was her first time playing the piano. And when she came up to my apartment, I had this electric piano and she arrived at my doorstep. She was just a whole wash of energy. Sparkling energy and excitement.
Her mom told me that she had been anticipating this day for years and begged to have piano lessons and was so thrilled to finally have the opportunity. Now, the first lesson was thrilling for both of us. Her excitement was contagious and she was so into it that both of us couldn’t wait for her to learn.
Now, lesson two, that sparkle began to fade. And lesson three, that sparkle began to fade. And by our fourth lesson, just a month in, something happened during our lesson that really surprised me. I was having little Katie, my star new student, repeat a part that we were learning over and over so she could get it right.
And then all of a sudden she slammed her little hands on the keyboard and burst into tears. I said, Katie, what’s wrong? And she put her head up and she sobbed, It’s not fun anymore.
That feeling of the fun fading is so normal. I used to teach podcasting first as a consultant and then later as a course, which is no longer available. But one of the things I told my clients and later my students about podcasting Was you are going to hate your podcast at some point, and in fact, you’re going to hate your podcast over and over and over again, the sparkling things aren’t so sparkly after a little while, because the real work they take to do to maintain to work on is real.
So however it happens, when we face the real work that our ambitions require and alongside them, we face our self doubt, the comparison, the low energy, the fear, the discomfort, it is no wonder Now I’m being really honest with you, even at this most sparkly time of year. And it’s because I want you to plan on it. I want you to plan on all of these feelings and experiences. Why? Because otherwise you will be like lots of people and you will not only experience follow through fallout, but you will blame yourself for it, which doesn’t help in any way.
But that’s actually me getting a little ahead of myself. Now that you know, all What follow through fallout is and why it happens now It’s time to learn what to do when the fallout comes calling. That’s coming up after a quick break for our sponsors
more on this coming later in the month But I actually plan to write a book this year And I am telling you right now that I already have that feeling, the fallout feeling on the horizon. I am working through lots of overwhelm and anxiety and fear and imposter syndrome, and I have yet to write a single word.
Like me, you have an ambition on your horizon. Is it a big goal like mine frankly is right now? Or is it something more in between or even seemingly so menial that you’re even afraid to say it out loud, whatever it is, I want you to keep in mind an ambition that you have on your heart as we move through the rest of our time together,
what I’m going to do is go through my advice on how to work through the follow through fallout and ways where you can avoid it, or when you’re in the middle of it, work through it better so that you can make progress in the areas that matter most to you.
And keep in mind, again, that the follow through fallout is when we no longer feel like doing the thing we really wanted to do. The first piece of advice I have for you is to expect it. I shared this a little bit earlier before the break. But just plan on experiencing some form of follow through fallout, even if it’s just those feelings of discomfort and wanting to be done before you start or soon after you start.
If you expect it, then you will know, ah, follow through, fall out. Here you are, I was expecting you. And it doesn’t mean experiencing these feelings of wanting to quit doesn’t mean I have to, or that something’s wrong with me. It just means I’m normal and it is to be expected.
The second thing I would advise you to do is to talk through it.
This past fall, one of my coaching clients and I started to use this tool that we came up with every time I was asking her to think about what she was going through more objectively, but also more compassionately. And Each sentence or I asked her to think about it, it began with, well, no wonder.
And she was supposed to finish it. So I want you to do that with this. I want you to apply no wonder to your follow through fallout feelings. I want you to think about, well, no wonder I feel this way. Well, it’s because I have a lot of internal criticism going on.
Oh, no wonder it’s because I I did this thing before. I tried before and I quit. I’m afraid that’s going to happen again. Oh, no wonder it’s because I know that I’m going to get interrupted 10, 000 times every time I try this thing and that is so defeating. Oh, no wonder. It’s because my family doesn’t really support me through it.
Oh, no wonder. My mother in law will judge me. Oh, no wonder. Someone else on the street has tried this before and done really well and I don’t think I’ll ever measure up. The completion of that, no wonder sentence is going to be different for every person. And there’s likely to be many layers of it as well.
But can you talk through it by applying no wonder to the experience you’re having with follow through fallout. When you do that, you can understand better where the fallout is coming from and then work through it better. The next piece of advice I have for you is to keep your eye on the prize.
You can do that with answering one simple question, and that’s, why do I really want this? Write those answers down, because it’s likely more than one, look at those answers often, whenever you get those follow through, fallout feelings. Now, I had to do this, That first year we were learning how to ski.
It had been 16 years since I had skied. I was already worried about myself, but I had three other kids at the time who were learning to ski as well. And it was just a lot. And I had to go back to the original reasons on why it mattered to me. And I shared those earlier, but just to reemphasize them, it was about fun.
It was about bonding. It was about exercise and movement and friendship opportunity and an opportunity to that we’re living in a place that is famous for its snow. And we’ve got to take advantage of it. And we could do so in ways that were. Matchable to our family’s budget. It was like a no brainer.
Keeping my eye on the prize helped me get on the mountain. But to be honest with you, we’re now our third year in of doing another ski season every single time I am getting. Everyone ready to go skiing. I really do not want to do it every time. And I have to remind myself why I really want to do this as a family.
, that always gets me to the mountain. And then after we’re done, I’m always glad we did it. So keep your eye on the prize and answer that question. Why do I really want this?
With all those tips in mind, the next one is to strategize. Once you know better why you are facing the follow through fallout and why you still want to continue with this thing, I want you to break down this big overwhelming thing into smaller little pieces. doable steps. Now, all of us know this with goal planning,
it is so easy to get stuck into that step alone because it requires a lot of energy, mental energy to take something so big and break it all down. But, and that’s a big one, I still want to encourage you to at least try. Because it will give you a plan forward. You’re not going to have to carry around all the steps with you mentally.
You will know what’s next because you’ve broken it down. But if you still are not there yet, and I totally get it, this is the next piece of advice to go with that tip. Do something to start. I did an episode on how to create momentum instead of waiting for motivation. That was one of the biggest pieces of advice is to do something to start.
And that advice transcends to so many things, including decision making and parenting and things we’re working on, and even our daily habits. If it’s big and it’s overwhelming and it’s hard to strategize. Do something to start. What is one small thing you can do to start? The next tip is to get uncomfortable.
One of the biggest reasons why we experience follow through fallout is because it is challenging us to move outside of our comfort zone. And our brains love that. To be comfortable because that’s their job to protect us. And that means it is safer to stay in what they already know, even if that means staying stuck in things that aren’t actually all that comfortable.
But remember, if good change still translates as stress to the brain, it’s a kind of no wonder that your brain is going to be like, Hmm, let’s avoid getting out of that comfort zone. Instead, I want you to think about how you can gently move yourself , into the discomfort zone. The discomfort zone is not about self betrayal.
It’s not about pushing yourself and hustling and extreme ways of acting and doing and changing that are actually jeopardizing important areas of your life. Instead, the discomfort zone is about gently stretching yourself outside of a zone you were already accustomed to. It’s moving forward with discomfort in a wise way.
I always think of it as an elastic band and I tend to have one of my wrists and I’m trying to look to see if I have one. Yes, I do. So think of an elastic band, a hairband even, and think about how it’s When you see it, it’s just kind of its shape. It is. It’s, it’s used to being this shape and, and taking up this amount of space.
And if you were to move it a little bit, it would expand. And there’s some tension here. There’s some discomfort, but it’s not so quick and so rapid that the band snaps. The discomfort zone is that somewhere in between. So when I’m telling you to get uncomfortable, I’m not expounding toxic positivity maxims of just get up and do it.
I’m telling you to gently challenge yourself to move into a place of discomfort that is challenging. Yes, but not so much that you are sacrificing other priorities and even yourself, your health, your mental health as part of that discomfort. Good for our brains to learn to be a little uncomfortable, especially when it’s all serving a greater purpose.
And that’s your prize that you’re keeping your eye on. The next tip I have may surprise you, and it’s to make stopping an option. Mean here is to set a deadline to stop by if things are still not working for you, instead of quitting in a moment of frustration or exhaustion or despair.
2024 was a very mentally challenging year for me in terms of my own pursuit of working on this podcast and doing an online business. I’d already done it for, it was in my eighth year, and it was a very difficult thing to know if I should continue to do it or not, especially since if you’re a podcast listener, then you know the podcasting world has been through quite a lot the past year or two.
I made 2024 my make it or break it year. It was that kind of year where I either had to make it as a podcast, or it was time for me to step away. I set that deadline for December 31st of 2024. Now, Countless times throughout the year, I was this close to quitting. I actually think there’s nothing wrong with stopping something,
but there’s a big difference between stopping and quitting. Quitting feels more reactionary, more despair driven, more frustration led. Stopping feels more wise, like a genuine decision to end something. So as you are moving towards this ambition you had on your mind, Give yourself a deadline to stop if things aren’t working.
And by the way, I passed my deadline, I’m still going, but I’ve actually made a new one for myself and I think that’s wise and good for me too. So yeah, make stopping an option and give yourself a deadline to stop. to stop instead of quit. The next tip is to get support. This can happen in a myriad of ways, starting with maybe some accountability.
Maybe you just need a friend who knows what you’re working on, a loved one to cheer you on. Or maybe you need a very rigorous accountability buddy, someone who is working on the same type of thing where you can report in on your progress to each other regularly. You get to decide, but I think accountability really helps.
Another way you can get support is get a little bit more education. I want to be careful about that step, though, because it is very easy to get stuck in the step of I need more education, I need more information, when really it’s just another way for you to procrastinate actually following through. So be careful with that step,
but more education where needed definitely is important. Another way you can get support is by freeing up the time that you need to work on this thing, however small or great it is. Maybe that means you need to pass on some tasks to other family members or just pass them off completely. Just know that they don’t need to be on your list right now.
Maybe you can hire some support. That’s something I’m definitely Finally considering this year is hiring a house cleaner and it’s really difficult for me to even consider. I feel a lot of guilt about it, but I think it’s really time for me to at least consider it.
The next tip is to be compassionate regardless of if you follow through or not. Be compassionate and kind to yourself. It goes back to the second tip I gave you to apply. No wonder to your situation, that’s compassion. It’s thinking objectively, but also compassionately towards yourself.
It’s, it’s seeing yourself as you would a friend or a loved one. It’s helping yourself work through something that was disappointing or difficult or not the right time. And by the way, that right there. is one of the big reasons why it’s okay to experience follow through fallout and to truly not continue something.
Sometimes there are things that are the right thing, but not the right time. I experienced that in 2024 at the beginning in January. I was like, okay, I’m going to organize every single cabinet and drawer. And I got about 20 percent of the way in and realized that my new toddler was undoing every single thing that I was working on.
So while it was a good pursuit, it wasn’t the right time.
Told you earlier in this episode that I’m going to write a book this year. If you’ve been around in my community, then you know that I actually said I was going to do that in 2023. I experienced follow through fallout. But I have to tell you, it’s one that I do not regret. I think it was actually wise for me to not do that thing.
That was the year I had a newborn. And I don’t know why I thought I would have the capacity to write a book that year. I absolutely didn’t. But soon into the year, I realized it’s not my year for that. It’s a good thing, but not the right time. So know that. Part of the compassion piece is giving yourself permission to pick something up at a later time, because perhaps one of your no wonders here is a legitimate circumstance in your life, a new season, something unexpected with health or finances or in your family that truly do prevent you from following through.
And if that’s the case, please be sure to layer on the extra compassion and acknowledge that falling out right now doesn’t mean you will always fall out in the future. That’s what I’m trying to bank on right now, this year, as I recommit to that good goal at the wrong time to finally write the book.
And then by the way, and by the way, I’m doing that with organizing my drawers and cupboards too.
A quick recap on the tips I have for you. Expect follow through fallout, talk through it, keep your eye on the prize, strategize, get uncomfortable. Make stopping, make stopping an option. Get support. And be compassionate follow through fallout may be normal, but it doesn’t have to always be your experience put these, put these tips into action with something on your resolutions or goals, or even habit lists this year.
I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants. You need to grow. Instead of progress pointers for this episode, I have created a graphic of those tips of how to avoid the follow through fallout. That graphic is available to all those on my newsletter, and I will send that out, which I send out every single week.
If you’re already on my newsletter, you’ll get the graphic with those tips. If you want to get it, if you want to get that graphic, go to aboutprogress. com slash newsletter, sign up for the newsletter. And if you don’t see it right away, And if you missed the newsletter where this was in there, just email us back and say, Hey, can I get the graphic from that episode?
And we will send it right to you. Your do something challenge for this week is to do something to follow through with one thing on your list. It goes back to the, it goes back to that fourth tip I shared about strategizing. Do something to start. So what is one small thing you can do to start to follow through with one thing on your list?
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Relaxment.
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