Right now, you’re getting pressure to make allll the goals and resolutions. You don’t need to.
Goals are GREAT.
But, what if you are simply too tuckered out from 2020 to overhaul alllll of the things right now? What if you are empty inside from a year of giving so much, from so very little? What if you’d of course like to work on your habits, but you first need to figure out who you are SO that you can figure out what those habits even need to be?
5 years ago, I accidentally changed my life.
And it wasn’t because I made goals. In fact, it was because I made the opposite of goals.
Instead of going after a list of achievements like I usually did, instead of pressuring myself into changing in ways that were alllll based in “shoulds,” and instead of jumping back into the all-or-nothing cycle I was trapped in for YEARS, I decided to change my focus to one mindset that changed everything:
DO SOMETHING.
You see, I was really lost. I had a beautiful life, but I had given so much for so long, I was empty inside. I wondered if something was wrong with me because I wanted more out of my life.
But I realized: I didn’t want my life to LOOK different; I wanted it to FEEL different.
And to do that, I needed to feel like myself again.
So, I created a list with this new “Do Something,” progress-driven mindset. The list was full of ways I could seek for “me” and find fulfillment in my life with no “success” required: from baking all the things, to climbing nearby peaks, to starting a blog for fun. (My original list is HERE!)
My list might have looked trite to other people; it might not have been something the internet would have copied, and celebrated, and pinned on Pinterest. Because my list wasn’t about the destination; it was about the process.
And that is exactly why it changed my life.
Little by little as I worked away on my list and focused on the process, not the outcome, I recalled my identity.
And because of that, I was THEN able to (with time!) transition quite naturally to also bettering myself in ways those goal-lists typically look like. (I am now an avid goal-maker and planner:) I know I wouldn’t have been without first finding myself.)
In today’s bonus episode, I wanted to provide you with the same path that changed me: Do Something.
This is a big focus for our community, especially in my membership group, the Strive Hive.
You’ll actually be hearing a Masterclass I just taught with the Hive on Do Something. I helped them anchor into the WHYs behind this path: how it guides you to both uncover your identity and find more fulfillment.
In short: it helps you unlock the best version of you.
I also trained them in creating their own Do Something Plan for 2021.
Great news: you can create one, too!
The Strive Hive kindly agreed to let me share this recording with you so that you can do just that.
It’s been edited to take out the long pauses (we literally took five-minutes at a time to fill things out, so feel free to press pause and do the same while you listen).
While the packet mentioned is exclusive to the Strive Hive, you can still follow along with my prompts in your own notebook and also create your own Do Something Plan for 2021.
I want to re-emphasize here: goals are great. I want you to make them and pursue them.
But the Do Something Plan is a terrific way to marry fulfillment with progress; and you have my full permission to first focus on the only thing I did five years ago:
DO SOMETHING.
About a few other things…
THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE TO JOIN THE STRIVE HIVE UNTIL THE SPRING!
The #iamonthelist challenge was SO powerful! If you enjoyed that push, but need more direction on how to do it regularly in your life, join the Strive Hive!
The Strive Hive helps Progressors who are eager to take action and strive for daily progress access LEARNING, CHANGE, AND COMMUNITY, so that they can find more and lasting personal growth and fulfillment.
Join us for daily community, weekly chats, monthly masterclasses, our self development book club, accountability and more!
SIGN UP HERE. (Doors close January 8th.)
You can listen the episode below, or on Apple Podcasts/iTunes, Spotify, Youtube, Overcast, Stitcher, Pocketcasts, or search for “About Progress” wherever you get your podcasts. If you like the show please share it, subscribe, and leave a review!!
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Full Transcript:
[00:00:00] Thank you so much for being here tonight. I would love for you to go into the chat again and tell me why it matters to you to know your identity.
Why does knowing your identity matter to you?
And if you’re confused about what that even is, don’t worry. That’s part of what we’re going to talk about tonight.
So let’s hear it. Rachel says “It helps me live with purpose.” Courtney, “In knowing my identity, I can be purposeful in how I live my life.” Amen. Madeline “Helps me keep track with decisions and direction.” Nishi, “It helps guide me toward the path I want to go on.” Alyssa, “Helps you find meaning and purpose to our life.” Paula, “It gives meaning to my life.”
Wow. Okay. We’re getting a lot of meaning and purpose and direction and yes, yes. To all of that. Julie, “Helps me feel less like I’m less buffeted by the wind.” And Nicole, “I’ve gotten so lost, I don’t even know where to start. This seems like the right place.” Yes. You are in the right place when you do know your identity.
So we’re going to talk about that tonight. We’re going to anchor in a little bit into our identities, and we’re also going to figure out what that has to do with DO SOMETHING, which is what this group is all about. Now, I’m sure that many of you know my story and this, I hate using the words “journey and sto but sometimes they’re like the only thing that really cut it. But this is why we’re here because five years ago, I did not know who I was.
Five years ago, I had three little kids at the time and we lived in our teeny tiny house in California. That was just what I wanted. I had a really supportive husband. And while my life looked the way I had wanted it to I, I felt so lost in the beautiful life that I had. And I remember really distinctly holding my six month old at the time.
And while I was sitting in the backyard and watching my older kids play, and as I was rocking him and, you know, patting his back, I was really troubled and confused over how earlier that day I had lost it when I was sweeping the floor and I was so angry that I was sweeping the floor again. I was thinking back to that earlier moment in the day and wondering what was wrong with me.
Why did I feel so empty? Why did I feel so lost and stuck or angry? There seemed to be no in between. And I felt like something must be wrong with me. Like, something must be wrong with me because how could I possibly want anything more in my life? But I really learned something super vital, not just in that moment.
It took some time, but as I reflected for several months, and I was thinking about what was coming ahead of me that year, this was probably in November of 2015 that I was having that moment in my backyard and just thinking what is wrong with me. But then a few months, I, I really came to a strong realization that was very vital for me.
I realized that it wasn’t that I wanted my life to look different. I didn’t need a nicer house. I didn’t need nicer kids even, or a more charitable spouse. I didn’t need money. I didn’t need things. I didn’t need fame. I didn’t need success. Even though all of those things were things I thought at one point that I needed to be happy.
I realized I didn’t really need my life to look different. I needed it to feel different. And why that mattered was because for so long that lost and stuck feeling wasn’t because I wasn’t grateful for what I had. It was because I wasn’t living my life. A shell of me was, and the real me wasn’t part of this, this beautiful life I had. Now, each of you have a beautiful life and maybe it hasn’t.
Turned out the way you wanted. I know many of you have endured incredible disappointments and a change of direction. I am getting emotional because I know many of you here and the struggles that you have faced about this. That life has taken different turns than you wanted, but you also have a good life and you might be feeling the same, like, “there’s something more inside me and I want more out of life.
And is that bad? Am I, am I selfish? And am I crazy?” Like, is there something wrong with me? And, and my lesson applies to you regardless of what your circumstances are. Your life doesn’t have to look different to feel different. And yes, there will be changes that need to happen with your life, for sure. But you don’t need a different life for you to feel different. So let’s talk about what that translated within time. But [00:05:00] first here’s the biggest thing I realized that was missing about me.
It was a sense of who I was. It was ME living my life. It was Monica. I was missing. For a very long time. I had upheld this position of being the sacrificial lamb, not just for my family, but even when I was a teacher, I did this. As women we do this regardless of if we have families or children, we do this often.
We step into the role of sacrificing of being that shoul that everyone else models for us. Whether it’s the things we do with our time, how we dress, how we treat our body, the food we eat, we get lost in the shoulds so deeply modeled to us that we lose the sense of who we really are. And that was the case for me.
So let’s talk about what is identity. I’m going to tell you more about that story and how it took me to in a moment. But first, I want you to think about why identity even matters. Did I show you a picture? Yes, I did. Okay. I just want to make sure I forgot to tell you. I took this picture one day and I don’t know, I was like, why am I taking this picture? And I just want you to take a second and look at that because what is missing, it’s not makeup on my face, although that’s missing, it’s not the hair. And the clothes are like the lack of things what’s missing is the spark in my eyes. What’s missing is a life behind them.
And I’m glad I took this picture, because it gave me perspective later on when I wasn’t sure if I had changed and I looked back through my old photos and I realized a complete transformation that happened. And that’s what we’re going to share with you with. Okay. All right. So let’s go back to identity.
What is identity now? I think the easiest way to frame this is knowing who you are and what matters to you. Brene Brown calls this “true belonging,” where you belong to yourself. I mean, she words things so beautifully, right? We can’t be can’t beat that true belonging. And I feel like even that phrase, if we just took a moment and sat with that phrase, true belonging, and like put our hands on our heart, we would know what she’s after with that phrase.
Here’s a great quote. I am going to read this word for word, for word for you, if that’s okay. “True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world and to find sacredness in both being a part of something and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging. Doesn’t require you to change who you are. It requires you to be who you are.”
I am so passionate about this. This is from Braving the Wilderness. And she actually talks about identity a lot and the gifts of imperfection, which was one of her biggest first, like first time, big sellers for her.
Because how vital is this? Think of the people that you admire the most in your life. And I would actually love to hear about them in the chat, who is someone that you deeply admire in your life? Let’s, let’s see some answers there.
This is someone, you know, personally, it’s not someone that maybe they’re famous, but I’m betting that 99% of us have people we deeply admire and value in our lives who are not famous and making millions or in the public eye. I’m seeing a lot of “my brother” and “my sister,”
“my sister-in-law grandmother friend,” “my friend,” “my mom and her mom.” I don’t even know these people. Most of these just said, like my friend, my brother, my sister, my . . . I feel emotional even reading those because we know what this is. We know people who belong to themselves.
So these people that you love and admire do they belong to themselves? Are they exemplary of this true belonging and how. Some of you already put an explanation in there. So yes. Tell us how, how did they exemplify a true belonging? Julie says “my sister for following her passions and helping out so much.”
I love that Julie. Courtney says about her grandma Elsie, such a cute name by the way, “She was so brave and went through so much.”
[00:10:00] Madeline said earlier, “My friend, because she gives love to others so generously.” Rachel, this is your friend, I believe, or her, your friend’s mom “kept going into career even with kids. And was a great mom.”
The thing about the longing and Jenny, let me read yours first, actually: “My brother followed his dreams, his whole life, and has worked so hard and is now a fighter pilot in the Marines.” Incredible. “Tamra for not being afraid to talk about her struggles. And she gives so much to people.”
I love Alyssa’s response: “My friend, Billy, who swear that God sent us here to have fun.” So these people who have, they’re not all the same, they’re each very different. And what makes them, who they are is so different too. And that is what true belonging is. It’s knowing who you are, so that you can belong to other people, too. True belonging.
People who have strong sense of identity are able to be vulnerable where it counts. They’re also able to put in boundaries where counts. They don’t get as lost in the comparison battle that we go through so much.
I have a few reasons why I think identity matters so much. Why does identity matter? A lot of you talked about a sense of purpose . That’s what that brings to you. To me, identity matters because of these three general things. When you know who you are, you also know your values. The Greeks called this arete.
It was living with virtue, which was the highest form of self fulfillment, of belonging. When you know who you are, you know, your values. It cannot be understated how vital it is to know your values. And you know, what’s the great thing about values is that they’re all good. But if you don’t know your identity, you’ll get a list of values and you won’t know what to choose.
You won’t know what center is right for you. When you know who you are, you know your values. And connected to that, you will be anchored. You’re not going to be tossed to and fro by the world and their opinions,, by your friends and your family and their opinions. You won’t be directionless.
You will be grounded. You will be settled. You will be strong. And the final reason to meet my identity matters, is that when you know who you are, when you know your values and you weren’t anchored in them, you will also live them out with your behaviors.
And that is vital. Living out your values with your behavior. Is the, make it or break it with identity.
We are in an alignment with our values, with our behavior.
You know, Courtney, I do want to read about Elsie here. “Elsie lost your hearing when she was seven years old because of meningitis. She raised her five kids, in her own way. My grandpa who lost his hearing as a baby due to measles, died when he was 66. My grandma never remarried because she said that nobody could live up to Larry.
She lived life on her own terms and didn’t ‘give a damn’ what others thought. She taught and told naughty jokes and had an amazing sense of humor. Every grandchild thought they were her favorite and knew that they were deeply loved.”
Incredible. That is identity. The strength that comes from knowing who you are, true belonging, so that you can be that person and anchor into your values and live them out, and not be washed to and fro.
So now let’s think about what is getting in the way of you and your identity, of knowing who you are, knowing your values and being anchored in them with your behavior.
I have some ideas here that came directly from our community. But I want to hear from this. I want to hear from you on this, in the chat. What is getting in the way of you connecting to your identity? Tell us what that is. For me, back when I look at five years ago, while you’re writing in the chat for me, what was getting in the way of me, knowing who I was, where the shoulds that I mentioned.
I had this idea in my head of what a good woman should do and should act like and should be. And I got so caught up in that, but I couldn’t see my own direction. I didn’t have my own inner compass to refer to because it was all on the outside.
Let’s read through some of these. I’m seeing perfectionism, pressure to be perfect. Not [00:15:00] having many examples of it. Yeah. That’s true. Excuses, Nicole. I want to dive into that because usually excuses are more about fear. Roles.
Yes. Gender roles are huge. That way insecurity. Taryn says “the shoulds have been getting to me lately as well. Perfectionism keeps popping up for me.” Taryn. I feel you on this, especially in this time of year as we’re getting pressured to do different things, to become different in ways that actually are not about identity, right?
Lose weight. Like all the, all the goals that we’re being bombarded with right now, I do not think are based in solid sense of true belonging. They’re more about shoulds and exteriors. Although those things could be good. Right. But only if they’re anchored. Only if they’re really about your true belonging.
Rachel, “trying to become something and not feeling like I could or would arrive. Waiting.” Rachel, this is huge. This is so common. I see this in women all the time. Even with my podcasting stuff I do. When I teach beginning podcasters is people waiting. Waiting because of fear or like, will this work?
I don’t know if it will work, so I’m not going to try. Jillian, being tired, not talking about anything deep growing up. So I didn’t know how to express and reflect if you’re meeting expectations. This is amazing. And Alysse nurturing my kids and knowing when it’s reasonable to step back. Guilt. Yes, you are nailing those friends.
So is it no wonder. But we are living in a confused world about this, these responses. Oh, I want to share yours too. Julie, “not knowing the end game or not knowing what steps to take.” Yes. All the responses I shared here, exhaustion, shame, comparison, lack of self-confidence pressure, expectations that knowing where to start time, anxiety and fear, all of those are literally from our community.
I asked women on Instagram “What is getting in the way of you and your identity?” and these were the things that came up over and over again. And I was shocked by how many people submitted responses. And I was also shocked with the other question I put out there, “Do you care about knowing who you are?” “Does knowing your identity matter to you?
And it was overwhelming how many women want to know this. They want to know who they are and they don’t know where to find it. Let’s go back to five years ago. Five years ago, I took another picture with my kids and I thought I was smiling and I almost laughed like a couple months later when I was like, I thought I was smiling in this picture.
That was five years ago. And then this was three years ago. I’m actually wearing makeup on both of these, although this lipstick was definitely a nice shade. I want you to look at my eyes. Do you see a difference there?
It’s a huge difference to me. “The light and joy.” Yes. Let me tell you how I got that light back and that’s what you’re here for, and many of you will not be surprised by this. I know so many of you know the story, so thank you for still giving me space to share more about it. When I was in the backyard and I was battling the guilt and confusion over what was wrong with me, and I came to that realization it wasn’t that I needed my life to look completely different on the outside.
I needed it to feel different. And I need to figure out who I was, and I didn’t know who that person was. I didn’t even know where to start. The biggest thing that helped me was a transformation in mindset and that mindset shift was shifting from a mindset of perfectionism to a mindset of progress.
I had a little early midlife crisis. I’m not going to lie to you. I’m pretty sure it was a clinically diagnosable nervous breakdown where I realized that for 30 years of my life, I was doing it for what people could see. I was doing it for the exterior. The validation, the accolades, the achievements, the pat on the backs, people looking up to me. Instead of it being about me, I was doing it for the outcomes.
So I knew I needed to start reaching. And a big part of that is that I knew that I needed to do this without there being outcomes attached [00:20:00] to my pursuits. I had to remove the pressure and the standards of having a certain achievement in order to make something worth it. And I’m going to walk you through what I walked through mentally too, so that you can do this for yourself.
But as you do that, what I did is I created a whole list of things that helped me explore who I was. Instead of focusing on perfection, I was focusing on doing something. Not all, and not nothing, which I had been stuck in the pendulum cycle of for years all or nothing. Instead it was to do something. Just do something, it wasn’t about the outcome.
Let me read a little bit and what Julie said here . She says, “if that were me, I would say in the first one I was depressed. And had anger episodes. I guess I’m interested in this because you can still live with depression to have that meaning and sparkly eyes in the second picture.”
Yeah. And I will honestly say I I’m sure I was depressed and I still ,struggle with depression and cycles of that, but I’m going to talk to you about that in a little bit about how as you develop yourself and you work on yourself and you reach for greater, you reach for more, your highs will get higher and your lows will get higher too.
It’s not that that’s all done away with, but the highs are higher. The lows are higher too. Yes. We’ve had a lot of episodes about depression because it’s huge for us.
So let’s talk about what the, what “do something” is. Okay. Do something is a huge part of the Strive Hive. And we’ve talked about it many times.
Consider this your refresher of it. Do Something is a path to discover and to affirm who you are. It’s a two-fold path: discovering and affirming. That means validating it’s it’s having those moments where you connect with you again, and you go, aha. There you are. How many of you have seen Hook?
Raise your hand. Have you seen Hook? Do you remember how Jack is that adult who was lost in the shoulds and he’s on this hamster wheel of perfection and living up to the standard and ideal. And I’m not going to say that women are the only ones who are immune to this. We see this in all people, right. But do you remember the part where they have that big food fight and the kids are.
Throwing the pretend invisible food. And at one point, Jack finally sees it. He sees the imaginary food and he starts playing with them and you see him come back to life. And then there’s that little kid that cute little kid that squeezes his cheeks with both hands. And you guys remember what he says, “Oh, there you are. Peter.”
I said, Jack. Which one was it? What’s the name? This is how my brain works. “I think Peter, because he was Peter Pan.” Oh, that’s right. So that’s okay. That’s right. So he was going, was it his son is Jack. Yeah. Jenny. We came to the same realization the same time. “Oh, there you are. Peter.” Let’s just pretend I said Peter all along, but that’s what it’s getting messy.
It’s playing. It’s discovering it’s not going for the perfect set feast at the end, like on a table with all the placements and all the utensils and the plates and the pretty glasses. It’s going for it. The messy discovery and affirming, “oh, that’s me.” And it’s the joy in finding that out. And not having it be about an outcome.
Do something is a way to add joy, interest, and fulfillment to your life.
Right. It’s giving yourself permission to do those things. And here’s another thing I want to say. The most important thing here. It is not another list of goals or resolutions. I’m going to talk more about what that difference is. Here’s some things I want you to remember about this. You want to remove results. You want to remove goals and you actually want to remove responsibilities. This is not about improvement, although it can, that is, that’s a benefit. That’s just a joyful benefit that comes from this, but it’s not the goal.
[00:25:00] Okay? It’s about discovery and affirmation of your identity . So here’s what I’m going to do. Let’s turn to the packet that I have for you. If you were able to print that out. Great. What I want to do is walk you through this and tonight I’m going to give you time and space to do this.
I want you to do it here. I want you to leave feeling like you either have your plan made or you have it to a place where it will be a lot easier for you to finalize your Do Something plan. And I am excited to see what you guys come up with because we’re going to have what your requirement for the next week.
If you don’t have it. It’s okay. You will be able to access this on our Success Path. It’s under the builder identity milestone, and there’s a packet there, and there’s also a video that trains you on it too. And if you are joining the Strive Hive Radio, all of those trainings will be on there too.
Let’s start with a brainstorm and if you don’t have the packet, it’s okay. You can just do this in your notepad. The first thing we do is we brainstorm. We’re not worrying about shoulds.. We’re not overthinking this. We are just opening our minds to the possibilities we are thinking in ways that are different than we normally would sit down and think and write a list.
We are opening up our minds. And we are removing the shoulds and we’re removing “goals in disguise.” But first let’s just start with a brainstorm. If your brainstorm has a lot of goals and responsibilities, don’t worry. We’ll get to that later. We’re going to glean your list.
The first prompt I have for you is to think about what things you see other people doing, and you think, I wish I could do that, or that looks so fun or that looks interesting or fulfilling, or I wonder if I could, or I’ve always wanted to.
I want you to write a brainstorm of that and write some things down. And if you could. Just you’re one of them in the chat so people can get a sense of what that might look like here. We’re just doing your brainstorm. You’re not deciding anything. That’s the English teacher in me. Just brainstorm. Okay.
As I was just putting my pen to my paper. I immediately started to talk myself out of it. If that’s you, you’re not alone. Write it down anyway. And if you’re like, is this a goal? Doesn’t matter right now, write it down.
There’s already some fantastic ideas in the chat. I’m not going to read them all out loud. I’ll just refer you to the chat, get some ideas from there. Steal them. That’s the point of this.
Do you kind of feel like that shift in the energy as you’re opening up the possibility and you see other people doing that and how it feels almost magical? I feel the difference.
Nothing’s too lame. I think I put on here, like being an actress in the movie. Nothing has to be too far out of reach.
All right, friends, keep filling that out. Does anyone feel stuck right now with this. Before we move on to the next part. Courtney, let’s talk about it.
“Well, most of the, so the majority of the things that I put down are things that would require going out in public and that’s not a possibility right now. So I’m trying to think of like, okay, so what are the COVID friendly things because solo and, and cause where am I I’m going to sing. I do sing all the time at home, but like ballet class and community choir and community theater company, those would all require a pandemic free life. So I’m trying to think of other things that I could do from home. And so I’m watching the chat, like the different ideas coming up. And, and some that I had already put down were hand lettering and painting, but the others I’m like, no, I it’s. I live in Texas and gardening sucks here, so I don’t want to let the garden, plus I’ve learned anytime I’ve tried. I kill every plant that I’ve ever tried to grow, even succulents. I kill succulents. So, I’m so like I’m watching the ideas and I’m like, Hmm, I don’t know. “
Well, for starters, let’s not limit ourselves to only looking one way. In my Progress Program, coaching, we had an amazing flutist who had, you know, goals to do that. And she wrote me the other day saying, Monica, you’re not going to believe this.
I was asked to perform over zoom the last month. So you never know how it might [00:30:00] look. At dance class might be online. Performing might be online, but that also doesn’t mean you can’t nourish the seeds. Now that you can’t start trying some things from home or investigating different areas around you or studios or making steps happen that move you towards being able to do those.
So don’t eliminate those off the list quite yet, I would say. We’re going to get to the process where we are gonna glean the list, but right now let’s just put it on there. Let’s pretend we don’t live in a COVID world for just a little bit. But I hear you on this. I’m glad you would share that resistance because we do want this to be practical.
Like you can actually take action on it. So any other questions at this point, I’m going to go back to the gallery mode so I can see if someone’s raising their hand. Questions or resistance.
“I was just going to make a comment, . I think what she’s saying with the whole COVID friendly world, I think we always can think of reasons why we can’t do something for different reasons.”
Very true. And that is something that we, we talk about often in the Progress Program, we talk about. Thinking in terms of possibility, re potentially losing something, finding a third, fourth, fifth door, because we often only see one, one door, one door in and out. Thank you for sharing that. Okay, let’s go to the next step again.
We’re still just brainstorming here. For those of you who are like, “I am not still quite sure where I should begin here, recall that you used to be interested in, before life and responsibilities happened. What did you used to be interested in?” Just write a few things down. We’ll be a little quicker on this one, just because there’ll be less things.
What did you use to be interested in? I know mine was a lot of like space stuff and history and art history. What did you used to be interested in before life and responsibilities? Write a few down and then put some in the chat.
We’re getting some good ideas in here. Laying on the grass, reading, running, swing dancing, reading, songwriting. I had a lot about music and dancing and broadcast journalism. Biking, family history research, making mixed tapes. Yes, Jillian. That was like my husband’s life up until we had kids.
I think making cards, quiet reflection. Yes. How many of you would just like hang out in a tree half the day? Just thinking imagining. What were you thinking and imagining about? I was imagining being a talk show host. Isn’t that hilarious? Okay. Keep filling in some ideas there. The next one is similar.
What were you naturally drawn to and curious about as a child?
What were you drawn to as a child and curious about.
Books, libraries, bookstores. It’s it’s interesting. You just wrote that Ramona because I just put learning down.
As you’re filling this one out, put some more in the chat. Let me tell you what you are paying attention to here. I have a whole other list of you for you. “What activities used to restore you make you feel more re-energized and like yourself, those three in particular, what you used to be interested in, what you were naturally drawn to and curious about what activities used to restore you.
What we are looking for with these are seeds. And when I say that, when I look at my list of the things that I love to do and things I want to do now, I can see a common seed of learning, and that can translate to so many different things of how that plays out. I can also see a seed of creativity.
And another seed I can see is self-development. So we’re just getting some seeds to get her here as we do this. “Adventures and outdoors,” Paula says “reading, music, pottery,” that sounds cool. Rachel, “Marine animals, swimming ocean.” This is fun. “Talking to older people with life experience who were open to talking.”
I love that. Julie, do you know one of my dearest friends does that for her living now? Listening Ear Project, Katie, like you don’t, you never know where this takes you. You have to explore it. Okay. So friends, tell me some more of those answers. Take some time. What activities used to restore you? What were you naturally drawn to? [00:35:00]
The next prompt to consider is where in your life do you feel the call to be pushed, to be a little brave, to be a little daring?
I mean, I’m going to do an example here for you. I feel the push to do something hard and exhilarating, like with my body , like a push to do something different. Whether that’s a race or like when I did this list five years ago, when I went to a soul cycle class, on my list was a list of , try five new ways of working out.
And I went to a soul cycle class. And I kid you not, it was like a spiritual experience.
Most people feel that way with soul cycle their first time. But I was like, I have drunk the Kool-Aid. I didn’t end up pay for more classes, but I have thought about that for five years. So maybe I need to go to soul cycle when we can. Where do you need to push? Do you need a push intellectually? Do you need a push with your body?
Do you need to push creatively? Where do you need to push it right now?
Maybe it’s spiritually, maybe it’s intellectually.
It’s fine, Courtney. She says, “I feel a pull towards creativity. It does not feel brave or hard. It feels energizing while also comfortable.” That’s okay too. This actually doesn’t need to be difficult. Sometimes the challenge can be exhilarating and sometimes it can be like oppressive. We want this to be a push that is still exciting.
“A feel-good push.”
Nishi says, one of the things on my list is to run in the rain and I hate the rain, but I’m feeling this. Yes.
Let’s go to the next one. I want to hear some more ideas there. “I want to find a way to move my body in a way that can be fun again.” So that’s what you can focus on your, Do Something list, Nicole is, maybe you’re going to explore ways to move your body to exercise until you find one that’s fun.
And part of this Do Smething list, it’s not like “I must run 30 miles.” That’s a goal. No, your list is try five new ways to move my body. Maybe you go to a belly dancing class, maybe you’ll do soul cycle. Maybe you’ll do a goat yoga. I like, and it’s not about becoming a certified goat yoga teacher.
Are you guys getting the difference here between a Do Something list and a goal and resolution list? It’s about the exploration.
Okay, let’s go through it a few more here. Where in your life do you feel the call to be pushed? We just covered. Where would you, what would you love to do? But you think it’s too late to try.
And what are things you love to do that you’d like to prioritize again?
And by the way, this can involve other people. Always on my list, I have things that I know my family would meet and benefit from. That would re that would re-energize us as a family, like go on 10 new Heights as a family, or go have an overnight or with my husband or attend a play with Brad. So this also can and tell the things that you’re missing right now, whether it’s adventure or fun, or even romance, who cares that can be there too.
So here’s what we’re going to do now. Here’s your next step.
I want you to first go through the list that you have and just cross off any shoulds, anything that is based in guilt or driven by comparison. Even though we can be inspired by other people and the things that they’re doing, and we’re drawn to those things, we don’t want to be driven by comparison.
That’s just another should.
So filter out the shoulds, go through and cross those off.
Courtney. I love this example. She says this year, her husband and and she made a goal to go on dates with other couples, “that one got majorly sidelined, but we could probably get creative and finding other ways to safely do it.” Totally. I love that you’re already re-potentializing that.
Good, Jenny. I love that Jenny put here, “Welp, working out was the first to go.” And not that exercising and moving your body is, is not something you should have on your list. But if it’s like, I need to work out then, yeah that could be a should for you for sure.
Okay, crossing off shoulds everybody. Are we crossing off shoulds? Alongside that, I want you to cross off goals. Now, this is where I’m going to give you a little leeway the way. You have to be using your own judgment here, because at do something can still kind of look a little goal ish. As long as it’s not tied to a specific outcome.
So for maybe like a goal for me this year is to do hard, crazy things with my body or do a triathlon, maybe my Do Something plan will be to go on five fun bike rides, a new locations. [00:40:00] So the goal, if it’s framed as a goal, maybe try to think of a different way to explore that goal and to make it fun and exciting to work towardss. So let me phrase that again, like, let’s say I have a goal to do a triathlon. Maybe might Do Something part of that list would be to go on five bike rides in new places.
So it’s more about the fun, the exploration.
Actually, I wrote something on the guide here that I think I’m just going to read to you,”The Do Something Plan is less about improvement as it is fulfillment. This Plan is more about helping you discover what makes you YOU, to bring you more joy and a good kind of push to your life. Goals are necessary, but they’re different than the Do Something plan.”
Feels different. Final thing I want you to do is go through your list and start circling the ones you know it’s your time for, even if they’re just seeds. Maybe you’re circling creativity, or learning or writing, or maybe you’re circling a specific thing.
Go on five new dates or take a water coloring class.
You guys are doing great. This is the hardest part. This is why we’re doing this together. Kay. Let’s take three more minutes, crossing out the sheds and the goals, circling the ones where like it’s time. And I’m going to give you a few more tips before we do a little coaching here.
What I’m going to do is I’m giving you an assignment. I want you to create your Do Something Plan for 2021 based off of your brainstorm and what you’ve crossed out and circled. Now, what you have circled, maybe your list what’s left, you know, what circled could it become your list, or it may show you the seeds that you need to follow to create your list.
So, like I said, a lot of my seeds were creativity, learning and adventure. Self-development. Now my Do Something Plan is actually going to look different than that brainstorm list, because I’m going to get more specific and I’m also going to get more of this fun and energetic way of completing those things.
So a few things I already have on my list to go with more adventure is to go rock climbin g , go mountain biking. One of my creative things is to attend a live painting class, and then I’ll go through and refine that some more. I’m going to make a long list. So here’s some of my tips for you. I have them right here.
And then I’m going to show you my plan from 2020 that had to be tweaked because you know, what’s great about your do something plan. This can last you quarterly, maybe one you’ll like to do this and revisit it and tweak it. It’s a living document. Okay. Maybe you’ll alter it every four months or maybe you want it to last all of the year for me, I like to do at once becauseit’s such a hurdle for me to go through all the deep thought work it takes to create a list. I like to just do one per year, but maybe you like to do it twice, or maybe you don’t, you need to tweak it. It’s a living document. It can be edited and it might have to just like it had to for 2020. So your plan can be a few items or many, but I wouldn’t do fewer than five or more than 30.
That’s my personal advice. And I like to have some items with a number of target in mind, just to add the fun, like go on five new hikes, big 10 new things, read 30 new books, 15 new paintings. So that way it doesn’t feel like a goal. It feels more like, like something you’re just pushing towards. A fun kind of push and it helps keep you accountable to your Do Something Plan is something we need to be mindful of. So we’re going to talk about that in a moment. Okay. So let me share with you. The plan that I had for 2020, and a lot of this had to be had to shift. So you’ll see here. Note, this list is their original one, but the COVID-19 shifted priorities and that list is edited below.
So do you guys want to see that one instead? The edited one? Okay. So here’s my edited one, read 50 new books, visit a national park, go on two family trips. Start a monthly hiking club. I unfortunately couldn’t do that one, either wear a fancy dress, like see how this doesn’t. It can just be different. I know one of the things I was going to be weird on my list for 2021 is to have fun with fashion.
So I’m going to think about what that looks like. Like maybe I create one of those one second videos. Right. Just take a little video each day of my outfit, or I don’t know. I’m going to think about that. What would that look like? Create a fashion diary. I don’t know, who knows create 10 new outfits who knows. WAtercolor.
We’ve been doing it. Ukulele, thanks to this group and Ji in for making that happen.
[00:45:00] This one learned how to be a storyteller. If I were to lliancritique my own list, I would say that looks more like a goal. So how would you make that more of a do something list? Any ideas there?
” Listen to good storytellers. Get some audio of good storytellers and just listen to good stories will inspire you.” Yes. Cool. I love that.
I haven’t thought about like attend a comedian workshop or like go to Toastmasters, go to a Toastmasters night, you know, something like that. Go to story telling conference.
Now the thing here is, remember, it’s not about the goals. It’s not about the destination. It’s about the exploration. It’s about giving yourself permission. My original list seemed to really trite and silly and like it didn’t matter, but it’s the reason I evolved and changed so much. So. If you’re ready, I’m going to bring you back to my story, but first here’s your assignment.
You’re going to finalize your Do Something Plan. Five to 30 top items. I would even start smaller if this is your first round. Okay? And when you finalize it, I want you to share it with the group. Now, many of you did this in lots of cool ways. Last time you took a picture of the paper, you wrote it on and it totally worked.
You took a screenshot of the notes, you had on your phone.Regardless of how you share it, whether you type it up and take a screenshot, we want a picture of your list, or you can just type it up for us and share it on the Strive Hive Facebook group. And then I have a third step. So finalize the plan, share it.
And the third step is to make it visible. A lot of you wrote when I asked you what was getting in the way of your do something plan last year, and we just forgot it. It wasn’t so top of mind, so we’re going to have a new focus this year with that we are going to have the first Monday of every month be a timer where we go back to our Do Something Plan. Like we truly look at our plans and we figure out where we are and what’s next. And just remind ourselves of it, but we need it to be visible. For some of you, that just means you print it out and you have it in a place that you’llbe able to see easily. For others of you, it might be something you decide to create as a vision board. Maybe you do a collage. Maybe you just have words that represent the different things. I want you to have some fun with that. If you’d like to. And maybe that’s what you can share with us.
What I’d like to do before I share more of my story, let’s do a little bit of troubleshooting. Who feels stuck or confused who needs some follow up help with this? You can raise your hand or just unmute yourself.
“So I’m wanting to read more, but I’m trying to figure out what that’s gonna look like if it’s just going to be like, what we read is like group or how I’m going to make space for that in my life.” Well, here’s the great thing like reading for the group would be awesome, but I honestly feel like that’s a should. And I want you to read for the group, but here’s, what’s great about the Do Something Plan.
As you are doing something for yourself and discovering, it will trickle down to other things. It will trickle down to your goals. You will find that as you’re creating momentum with your identity and your fulfillment, you will find momentum in your goals and in your habits. So let’s let that be a by-product. Who has ideas for Rachel on how to make that a do something form of reading?
“I have a suggestion. So every year there’s a website called pop sugar. And every year, pop sugar comes out with a list of prompts of books to read, and it lets you fill in whatever you want. So like I’ve already started every year. I do it and I read like three books on the list before I forget about it. But I like having the prompts because it gives me otherwise. I just sort of like flail around. Like, I don’t know what to read. I don’t know what to read. And there that’s a good one. Some of them are like, you know, the first one that I did cause I already started 2021 is a book written by somebody who has your same Zodiac sign. So, and they there are people who make all kinds of lists of all different kinds of books. I find that having the prompts like helps me out. I found a spreadsheet that somebody made that has like links and stuff. So if anybody wants to do pop sugar reading challenge with me this [00:50:00] year, I’ll, I’ll figure out how to share the spreadsheet with you guys, so you can find all the links to the book suggestions and everything. But having some sort of having, having the prompts helps me a ton because otherwise I’m just like, I don’t know what to read.
And what I love about that, Jillian, is it it’s fun, but accountable and trackable, but not in like a, “I must do this” way.
It’s more of a creative way of doing it. Just like Julian did Jillian shared this. She wanted to listen to more music instead of podcasts, even though podcasts are great, but she wanted to listen to her music. And you followed the rock. It was a rolling stone.
“Rolling stone, top 100 albums of the 2010s. So it was all albums that came out between 2010 and 2019. And I I have two left that I’m going to listen to tomorrow. The top two albums, which is lemonade by Beyonce, which I’m really excited to listen to. I’ve never listened to it before. And my beautiful dark twisted fantasy by Kanye West, which I’m not excited about, but I’m going to listen to.”
That’s what I love about that is the fun, like yeah. So figure out something that you already are connected to or drawn to.
Maybe there’s an Instagramer who loves to review,YA novels and Rachel you’re like, I love why I love young adult. Fiction. So I’m going to follow their reading lists and I’m going to do one of those a month. So it’s more trackable .For me, that’s why I like the numbers. So maybe you can say read five books from this person’s list this year, unless it’s fun for you to do a whole list.
And you think that would be motivating any other suggestions for her before we move on to Courtney’s question.
Oh, there’s some great ideas here. “For a few years, I read books written by authors, starting with every letter of the alphabet. I love that. Modern. Oh yeah. Mrs. Darcy has a great has great reading challenges.
Modern Mrs. Darcy. She also has a podcast called what should I read next? I haven’t followed that. Like, I love reading, you guys know this, but that has something that I have gotten back into. And it’s because of the, Do Something Plans, you guys. That’s how I got back into reading. It was it Do Something Plans. I think I started with read 20 books and I think this year I’ve read 70, so it will create momentum year after year.
Okay. Let’s go through. Courtney’s question. And you guys can ask more questions in this app. So she said I had various courses that I’ve paid for that I want to get, you want to do that?
So is that too much of a goal? I think it could be, but it also could not be like, I think it could be a Do Something plan. And let me tell you. My first instinct is to say, I think that can be more of a habit shift because I’ve had the same problem and guess what’s made the biggest shift for me in getting these things done was not having all my Do Something Plan.
Even though I did for a few years, it was instead having a habit of when and where I do it. So I watch something from some course every morning when I do my strength training. So that for me was more of a habit, but some people might have other ideas, like ways to make that fun or a nice push that can make it more of a Do Something flavor for you.
“Yeah. I was trying to decide, because like, learning is something. That feels like something that I want to do. And we just got this DSLR for Christmas. So it feels like, Ooh, I want to learn how to use it. And that would wake me up, like going out pictures. So that course could be on the plan, but then is it a goal?”
You know, so maybe the goal is to do the courses, but the do step thing is too. Explore five areas to take photographs of, or take wilderness photos 10 times. You know, like that way it’s like almost the carrot. Right. They learned how to use your camera so you can do. Yeah, but in the meantime, we’d also want to help you develop some habits that give you the skills that you need to do that.
But here’s one thing I probably will tell you the truth is I bet you, even if you went and you did, you went after the carrot first and he went into the mountains or in the country for you and you took some pictures, before, knowing how it works before doing the course, I am betting that you will be more likely to open your course after that and look at some tips and get started on it.
So it doesn’t have to come after a goal. So let’s think about that a little bit. Okay. Okay. Any other questions? I might’ve missed it in the chat.
[00:55:00] “I have one. I’ll be troubleshooting. So I really have wanted to go camping for like a really long time. I don’t know why, but I’ve had it on like my mind in a non previous list, but it means like we don’t have any, almost any camping equipment. So it is kind of like a financial hurdle.”
This is where I think I would encourage you to still put down a Do Something Plan for it, like go to three campsites. Put that down, but then you are going to have to do some work outside of that.
That might be more of a habit or goal related where you’re doing some investigating on borrowing, camping things from people, putting the word out, finding some camping groups online where people might do this or just researching. Do they have lending things or the people that I can talk to. . Instead of thinking it has to be about buying and stuff like that. So put, do you put that out there, but yeah, there will be some steps behind this. Yeah. Or Facebook marketplace. That’s a great idea. Jillian things might be free or cheaper on there. “There are lots of buy nothing trade boards on Facebook,” Courtney says. Yeah. Jenny says you can just go to some day sites for picnics and just skip the sleeping there part. Yeah. That’s a great idea, Jenny. That’s really good to me. It doesn’t, maybe it doesn’t have to be the whole kitten, caboodle, camping. Maybe it can be, do tinfoil dinners in the mountains and a fire pit.
Okay. We’re just nourishing the seeds. We’re exploring them. We’re giving themselves room to grow. Okay. Any other questions?
Go ahead, Alyssa.
“I heard you talk about habits and goals. And could you explain a little bit? Like I love how I feel when we’re doing this, do something. Less, like not thinking about any exterior motives or like being something, but, but you’ve mentioned goals and habits a few times. Like how does that all. Work together. How have you seen work together?”
I’m glad you asked. Okay. We’re actually going to talk about that next a little bit. This depends on where you’re at. If you were me five years ago, I could not get in the mindset of also creating goals and habits alongside this.
This for me was the foundational way of eventually getting to those things. So it depends on where you’re at, but I am going to give you all permission to just do your, do something plan and not have specific goals for 2021 or habits that you’re planning on working. But here’s the magical part. Like I said, with Courtney, it will trickle down to those very things.
Accidentally, you will get momentum in ways that you are needing. But if you are already in the zone of goal making of habit formation, this is like a terrific marriage to make those things happen more. And it’s just more about adding the fun and the fulfillment that will give you the energy. You need to work more on your habits and your goals.
To have a self from which to get from.
And that’s why for me, this changed my life. That is why this Do Something Plan changed my life because it gave me that sense of identity and self and fulfillment I desperately needed to then go to the next level of deeply changing my life.
I told you five years ago that I realized my life didn’t have to look different for me to feel different, but here’s the really amazing thing.
As I began to feel different. My life looked different too. Isn’t that nuts. What started happening to me was like an accident, but it’s real. And that’s why we’re here. I started working on my habits accidentally. I started getting back into day planning and goal making that I hadn’t done in years.
Because I had the fulfillment and strength that I needed to do those things. And it came from a different place. My goals, my habits, they came from a place of knowing that my worth wasn’t hinged on me achieving those things, that my identity was there already. And because of that, I didn’t have to prove it. It gave me more energy to do them.
That’s my long way of saying it depends on where you’re at. Okay. So give yourself permission to do what you need to do there.
Thank you so much for being here tonight. I can’t wait to see your Do Something Plan for 2021, so you can get anchored in that fulfillment and the identity that you are missing and neding in your life.
We all need work on this. I’m really glad this was helpful. Thank you for your kind words and for spending so much time with us tonight and we’ll see you guys soon. Take [01:00:00] care of everybody.
