Today’s episode is particularly close to my heart, as we explore the challenging, yet rewarding, journey of adapting to significant life changes while striving to retain and rediscover our personal time and creativity.
During those big shifts it becomes imperative to recalibrate and redefine what it means to make time for ourselves, whether that’s pursuing hobbies, practicing self-care, or enjoying the company of friends.
In this coaching call with Katie, she shares a challenging adjustment period following the addition of a child to her family, and how she is now ready to reprioritize her creative pursuits. If you’re like Katie, feeling trapped in the cycle of struggle to find ‘me time,’ this conversation will shine a new light on your situation.
Episode on rhythm scheduling.
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Songs Credit: Pleasant Pictures Music Club
TRANSCRIPT
Monica Packer: Katie, thanks for doing this coaching call with me today.
Katie: Yeah, no problem. Great to be here.
Monica Packer: How about you give us a little introduction. Tell us about you.
Katie: Okay. I am 32 years old.
I’ve been married for a little over 10 years. I have three kids. We just seven five and one. I got my master’s degree a few years ago in early childhood education. And before that, I got a bachelor’s degree in family consumer science, secondary education. As far as hobbies go, I like to play volleyball a lot.
I I like to paint. And it sounds cheesy, but I actually really love to organize.
Monica Packer: Oh, I love that. And I can even tell just from your beautiful setup. I wish people could see it. It does look so organized and nice
Katie: around here. It’s a little messier, but
Monica Packer: okay. Not to me. That looks great. Tell me what you were wanting to be coached through today.
Katie: So, ever since having my most recent baby, I feel like I have been struggling with. Finding time for a creative outlet. I really want to get back into painting. I’ve been trying to put that on my schedule, trying to find time for it a lot recently, and it just hasn’t happened.
I, and I think a large part of that is my routine has been suffering since having a baby because she doesn’t sleep as well as my other kids did. And so she is improving now. And so I feel like I’m at the point where I can really make some changes to try and have a better routine. So, and I think most, especially in the morning, I am not a morning person.
I used to be a little bit better about getting up and getting going. And I was, I was really productive in the mornings, but now it takes me a while to get myself moving. And I feel like most days. A lot of my morning is wasted, and I feel like if I could reclaim that time, I could probably find more time in my day for creativity, because then I could get, you know, my responsibilities, projects, stuff with the kids done, and, and another thing is next school year, I will, I’m planning on homeschooling my kids, and so I feel like right now, it’s really important for me to get a better routine going so that we can factor that in and still be able to get everything done.
Monica Packer: Well, how exciting is that? That sounds like it’s going to be a really fun, but also different year. And I love that you’re already thinking ahead about how you want to enter into it with a little bit more reserves because you’ll need them. Right. I only homeschooled one year and I could think, yeah, you need that, but it’s a wonderful thing too.
So let’s talk about. What of those things you want to work on? You talked about having more time, consistent time for the creative outlet, but it seems like your biggest thing that’s getting in the way of that is more of a morning issue. Is that right? Yeah, I think it’s really the routines that I need to find some way to solidify because I do have the motivation and I have ideas for what I want to do for creative outlets.
Katie: I just have not been able to make the time to do it. Okay.
Monica Packer: So when you consider, uh, let’s say like Monday and you’re thinking about, okay, this afternoon I’m going to give myself time to paint. What typically gets in the way during that time?
Katie: So I think it’s mostly, I feel that I need to do my housework and you know, play with the kids. And like, I have a checklist of things that I need to do first, like scripts are steady.
I’m not going to put. Painting over my scripts or study. And so if that doesn’t get done, then I don’t get to the painting. And then, you know, I I’d like to be better at staying on top of household tasks. I feel like I tend to be pretty good for a while and then I fall off the wagon a bit and my house gets really messy and I’m not one that can tolerate a mess in my house.
And so I think when, then when it gets overwhelming, I have to take all of my time to get the house back on track so that I can maintain again. And so I think, yeah, having a better, routine in the morning of I do this every day so that I can maintain better and things don’t fall apart. And then if I can get those things done, then I can make that time.
For the creativity.
Monica Packer: So it sounds like during the time where ideally you would like to be painting, you’re more putting out fires. You’re trying to pick up what’s been put down what you have to catch up on just because the morning is not working as well for you. Okay. So now let’s talk about the morning.
What does that typically look like for you? Well, it depends on how well my baby slept the night before. It’s getting to the point where I can get enough sleep that I can function, but if she had a particularly rough night, then I may end up kind of sleeping in until on the couch, like say to like eight or nine while my kids watch a show or something, just so that I can catch up on the sleep.
Katie: And, but most days I would say, I get up, I get myself breakfast, I get the kids breakfast, and then I try to change into my workout clothes so that I will get a workout in, I do a quick workout and then shower, get dressed. And then by then I feel like that is taking too much time. Because by then it’s about time to get my baby down for a nap and then it’s lunchtime and then it’s okay, it’s time to pick up Owen from the bus.
So I think. It’s the getting going because when I come upstairs in the morning, I find myself sitting more than I’d like to, I’ll sit and just be like, okay, I’m still feeling really, really tired. I don’t feel awake yet. I need to get moving. And yeah, it’s just that the first two hours or so of the day where I want to feel more energy, and so I haven’t been pushing through it to get there.
Get moving.
Monica Packer: And when would you typically like to be able to do art? Like I’m thinking about this in terms of, does your baby still take two naps a day or is she down to one nap? Okay. So she’s taking a morning
Katie: nap. And then I think the afternoon nap would probably be the best time
Monica Packer: and you still have a kiddo around then.
Yeah. Yeah. I rather five year old. Okay.
Katie: Okay.
Monica Packer: And so what time of day does that typically?
Katie: Well, that’s usually actually that’s usually when my son is home from school, but when he comes home, they usually have a little bit of TV time or like game time on the tablet, or they’re pretty good at playing together.
So they have free play time for an hour or two when he gets home. And usually during that time, I guess it’s usually a little bit after he comes home that the baby goes to sleep. So she’ll probably go to sleep around like 3 And that’s usually when the kids are pretty well entertained and she’s sleeping and, and by that time of the day, I generally like to be done with, cleaning and all of that.
And I’m not, I don’t necessarily need to paint something every single day, but I do think that trying to fit it in at least like two to three times a week would be great so that I don’t lose momentum. Okay.
Monica Packer: Let’s let’s talk about ideally then what would you like different about your morning?
Katie: I think if I could just set a normal routine that like a few things that I do every single morning that, you know, like, for example I come upstairs, I get the kids breakfast and then I go put a load of laundry in and I change into my workout clothes or something like that.
Something simple that will get me going and get started on things quicker.
Monica Packer: So ideally you would like to be able to have more energy and more momentum to get more household things done in the morning so that by the time it’s three or three thirty you can focus on yourself and your own creative outlet. Yeah. Okay. Let me tell you my conundrum here a little bit, and , I’m going through a similar stage, right?
I have a baby. He’s, he went down to one nap a day. Not my choice. That’s what he wanted, but I well know the struggle, right? Of one knowing that it’s not your season to put sleep on the back burner. So we don’t want that. We don’t want to ignore that very important need, and I don’t think we’re ready to, to move up like how early you’re getting up or anything like that.
But I also want to honor where you’re at and ready for a little bit more of a push, a little bit more of like, okay, I’ve honored my season and now I’m ready for a little bit of a push to get a little bit more of a rhythm. Around myself, my family, and also including better prioritizing myself.
And that means we have to do this tricky thing of honoring your season, but also pushing your discomfort and what you can do in the season. And to do that in a way that is both practical, but still compassionate. So my conundrum is this. Do we focus on the morning routine, or do we talk more about trade offs?
Katie: Okay, yeah, that sounds interesting.
Monica Packer: Let me tell you a little bit about the latter, okay?
Sometimes a part of the uncomfortable but necessary push, and still being compassionate about our season, means we have to be better about accepting that it’s our season of making trade offs. So that means that I think this is, this is true no matter what season we’re in, there’s always more we can do always.
And there’s always things left undone. But what is seeming to be the case for you is what’s being left undone is that restorative time to yourself.
Katie: Yeah. So
Monica Packer: you are making a trade off and maybe that’s been a trade off you’ve been okay with up to a certain point, but now you’re recognizing I need this in my life again.
And that means we have to make a trade off somewhere else. And I think that’s going to be the case. Especially now, as we’re readjusting to the mornings and her sleep is getting more, getting better and getting more regular, but also for forever, like forever, you’re even when you get that solid morning routine by three or three 30, you’re probably going to think of all the things you still need to do.
Okay. So that was me talking at you a lot. What of that is resonating with you? What are you feeling a little pushback to? What are you wondering about?
Katie: Well, I really liked the idea of trade offs. Thanks. I tend to be a perfectionist and so historically I’ve been pretty bad at having the same routine every single day doing the same thing because every day is different.
I feel different every morning because you know, I’ve either gotten not very much sleep or I’ve gotten, enough. And so I Kind of beat myself up if I don’t do it every day. And I’ve, and I’ve gotten a little bit better about being forgiving with myself when I miss a day or two, if there’s a good reason, like, Hey, I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, it’s understandable that I’m not doing much today, but.
When I go for a while, like a couple of days without being productive, I guess, in my mind, then I get a little down on myself and I guess that’s what I’m trying to avoid by giving myself somewhat of a routine, but I do know that it does need to be flexible. And so I do, I really like that.
The term trade off. And I think maybe that’s something I might need to just reconsider every single day. What’s the priority today is the priority? Me time. Is it creativity? Or am I feeling really stressed out because the house is a wreck and I really just need to focus on resetting that.
Monica Packer: Mm hmm. And I I’m with you there. I think it can be more intuitive, but I think initially. Because you are so in the momentum of putting out fires, it might help to have a little bit more of, even if I have so many fires to put out right now, at least, you know, not literal, like if there’s a kid in trouble, we’re not going to ignore that, but more realistically, I want still to be weirdly a push to prioritize that time more often than not.
So here’s what I think the good news is. I think we can do both. I think we can try to make sure we’re pushing yourself a little bit in the morning to have a bit of that routine, but also pushing yourself. And you might not have thought that was pushing yourself in the afternoon before you’re like, Oh, it’s me time.
So it doesn’t mean I’m pushing myself. You are, you’re pushing yourself to do something different than you’re used to, which is prioritizing yourself and making a trade off in ways that you’re not used to, because again, you’re making a trade off no matter what. Okay. So it’s both to me. We can do both. We don’t have to wait for the morning to be working perfectly, or you to feel like you’re more on top of stuff, like really well in order to have the afternoon time.
We have the afternoon time. Most. How does that sound to you?
Katie: Yeah, that sounds really good. I love, I love balance. I love moderation. So when people say it can be both, that makes me really happy.
Monica Packer: Yeah. Especially if it’s done more flexibly. And when that, that means let’s come up with. Two touchstones. And this means your day is pretty rhythmic, right? There’s rhythms to your day of like when certain kids are home and when they’re not and what things need to be done around what time of day.
And then that kind of adds some rhythm too. So with that though, it’s, there’s a lot of moving parts. There’s a lot of need for flexibility, right? So let’s give you a touchstone in the morning that gives you kind of that momentum. In terms of your household tasks, because that seems to be what gets in the way in the afternoon the most.
So let’s come up with that touchstone and then let’s come up with a touchstone on transitioning to this creativity time, like a way that you can make this, this is my time. And the way we’re going to do this is just coming up with, it’s almost, well, it’s a habit, but it’s almost like a ritual even more.
It’s just a way to begin a rhythm, right? So for you in the mornings. What could be a way, like, like you talked about the laundry maybe, or something like that, that you do this every day. And that just gets you moving. It gets, it gets you in that process of moving your body. So you can keep riding that momentum wave.
What could that look like for you in the morning?
Katie: You know, I think, I think maybe, uh, starting, like I said, might, might be one of the hardest things. And I think, I know you’ve talked about this in one of your other podcasts that I listened to about about exercising and the barriers that come with that.
And I do think that the clothing, you know, like once I put on my workout clothes, I am more likely to just get down on the floor and do it. However, the only space in my house that I have to work out is my living room. And I do not like working out when there are crumbs on the floor.
So I’ve noticed that I need to vacuum before I exercise. And so I think maybe. If I, you know, come upstairs, get the kids eating gather any laundry that’s upstairs, go downstairs, put a load in, get myself dressed and then come upstairs, vacuum and do my workout. That might be enough to just kickstart my day.
Monica Packer: So what you just described is a routine because it’s a series of habits put together during a certain timeframe of that routine. What do you already do? Most days? Not perfect. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but most days, how many of those steps are you actually doing?
Katie: Most days? I would say more often than not, I do put a load of laundry in the morning.
I just, I’m not great at doing it right. Like first thing in the morning, but I think if I added that putting the laundry in right after getting my kids breakfast, that might help.
Monica Packer: And you said you already vacuum before you exercise.
Katie: Yeah. Yeah. Every time it’s, it’s different times every morning, but yes, before I exercise, I always vacuum.
Monica Packer: Well, I’m, I’m, I’m laughing inside because I feel like this is me. Cause I also mostly do my workouts in my living room. And every time I’m like on the floor, I’m like, ah, look at all these drugs, but I usually just work out in them and then vacuum after. So I like that we both have our own little thing here.
Okay. So basically this means all we’re really installing is this touchstone when I feed my kids breakfast, then I’ll put a load of laundry in.
And it’s that simple.
Katie: Simple. Yeah.
Monica Packer: And then everything else can go, come along for the, with the wave because you already do that. If you wanted to install all of that right now, that’d probably be a little too much to begin with until we had that first bit. And you, you, you’ve got so much of that now, I think that’s a good thing to do.
So that’s a, when then pairing, when I feed my kids breakfast, then I’ll put a load of laundry in and maybe you can tell yourself that on your worst of day, maybe it’s just like a load of towels that are right next to the laundry room. So it doesn’t have to be like, I’m doing the biggest load with all the things that need to be sorted and separated.
It’s just towels in case that’s kind of your baseline. How does that touch stone feel for you?
Katie: I like that. I think just having that one thing in my mind, like this is the first thing I do when I wake up, I get the kids breakfast. I put in the laundry and I think that will. Hopefully help me just get moving a little quicker if I have that just one simple thing to check off.
Monica Packer: Great. And then here’s the thing I always like to say is if this doesn’t work right away. Get curious about it. Think like, is that habit actually bigger than I think it is? Does it require a lot of energy? Is there something else I can do? Like maybe wipe off the counters that still is related to the home, but gets me moving and ways that helped me then ride the momentum wave.
What else can I maybe do if the laundry feels like too much, because I’m so tired. Just kind of be more curious about that, but just knowing it’s a small town household tasks. Okay. Now let’s go to the afternoon. And this is again where we’re putting on this kind of lens of we are going to prioritize this time because it matters and that does mean I’m likely going to be making a trade off with my home and I’m making peace with that because it’s going to actually give you energy.
That time. Okay. So we’re acknowledging that that’s where we’re at. What could help you get in that zone of creativity? Maybe it’s clothing again. I don’t know if you have to like wear an apron when you paint or something like that. Is there a ritualistic kind of habit we can begin this time with that helps you transition into this is my time.
Katie: I mean, I like that idea. I’ve never worn an apron when I paint, but it’s probably a good idea because I have gotten paint on my clothes before. I was right when you said that I kind of had the thought of maybe music. Yeah, I think generally music has a pretty strong effect on me when I am not feeling motivated.
I have a playlist that I turn on and it gets me motivated to clean. So I think maybe if I played just like maybe my favorites playlist and just kind of listen to a little bit of music that might. That might help because I think that might get my head in that creative space. Do
Monica Packer: you have a literal space for your creativity?
Do you have a set aside room or area for it? Yeah, so it’s in this room. So this is our office. This side of the desk is where I do finances and work, computer things. The other side of my desk over here, it’s very messy right now, so I won’t show you. When it’s clean, it is my So I have a, a couple of drawers underneath that have all of my paint supplies in them.
Katie: And then some drawers on the other side that have papers and things like that. So it is all there. It’s just a matter of taking it out of the drawer. So yeah, I do have a space. I just need the reason. Well, no, that’s great. It shouldn’t, it’s your creativity. You know, it’s your space to be creative. So the reason I asked that is just because sometimes those little things like not having your own space or supplies at the ready, those become energy obstacles.
Monica Packer: To making that transition. And that’s so awesome to hear you have that all set up. So you won’t have to dig around into a cabinet and try to get out some supplies or like set up a space is there for you. Wonderful. So what we think what we will probably need to do then is come up with a, when then pairing that helps you get into this room and turning on your music.
I’m going to come up with the baseline way of what this time can look like for you in just a moment. But it seems connected to when you put your baby down for a nap. Is that something you always do? Okay.
Katie: Yeah. I think usually it ends up being, I bring, I go pick up my son from the bus stop. We come home, I get them a snack and they’re either playing or watching a show.
And then I put my daughter down.
Monica Packer: Perfect. Okay. So those things already happen. That’s great. That’s your when. So we’ll make this really simple. We’ll come up with your little plan here. When I put the baby down for a nap, and then you get to decide what this is. What is the then?
Katie: I think maybe once I can get her down, I think if I turned on some music, came into my office and got out my paint supplies.
Yeah. Yeah.
Monica Packer: Because those are so small. I think you can do them both at the same time. So when I put my baby down, then I’ll go to my office, turn on music and take out supplies. Now, ideally, how long would you like to be able to have this, this creativity time?
Katie: I’d say 30 minutes might be realistic. I, I’m not sure how uninterrupted the time will be obviously cause the kids might come in here or the baby might wake up, but I think that a good 30 minutes I could get.
at least started on a small painting and then if it goes longer then that’s fine but I don’t want to make that time too long because then if I’m you know stressed out about okay what am I going to make for dinner I need to finish this task from this morning then I might feel like I just anxious about getting to that but I feel like if it’s just 30 minutes I know that I can dedicate this time to this, and then I can get to those things later and I will still have time for them.
Monica Packer: That’s awesome. And that’s the perfect example of an ideal. An ideal is not Not possible. It’s, it still needs to be within the realms of possibility. And that seems like more likely, but let’s also come up with the worst of day version. Okay. Let’s say that, uh, dinner needs to be made earlier in the day and you’ve got to go to the grocery store.
To go get stuff and the baby is going to take a shortener nap or whatever the reason is, or another kid needs you, or there is a fire that needs to be put out. What could the, the smallest and simplest version of this look like?
Katie: I mean, the first thought that came to my mind was just like Maybe preparing my paint space for the next day. Yeah. So that I, it’s easier to get to the next day. And I mean, if it’s something like my older two are just needing more attention that day, then maybe we could do something creative together, like I could bring them in and have them also paint with me and we could just do more fun stuff.
Yeah. And then, I mean, there are also days where we’re not home at that time of day. It’s usually, usually we are, but there are days where, okay, we have somewhere to be after we pick up my son from the bus and we go straight there. And so that wouldn’t happen on those days, but. Yeah. And I think again, we’re going back to what you wanted, you know, maybe two or three days a week doing this.
Monica Packer: But if we’re just in this mindset of, I do, I create the space for myself most days and you’re in that mindset of trying every day, except on the days you’re out of the home. I think it’s going to make you have that consistency. You need to not even have to think about this. This is going to be like just what you do with two conditions.
One is that you really do go straight to this room. I would avoid. Other areas of your home. Just know I go straight from the, from the baby’s room to my creative space, my office. And the other thing is making sure you know, these baselines count. The point is just time and your creative space.
And if that’s. On your worst of day, the smallest and simplest version is you’re prepping the space that it’s worthwhile. So I think our baseline is time in this space, even a minute to five minutes. I mean, what if you decide just to draw a quick thing, like just even sketch something, you don’t even take out the paints, like just as the point is just time and the creative space.
Katie: Yeah, I think so. I think I forget that creativity isn’t just sitting down and like starting and finishing a painting. I could even just sketch out ideas or even write down ideas for paintings that I want to do. Yeah, I think that would fuel my creativity because I, then I would be getting excited about those projects that I want to do and I think that might help me doing it.
Monica Packer: Good. I think especially when it’s paired with music, something that already is energizing and gives you that. It’s almost like Pavlov’s dog. Like when you turn on the music, then you’re like, you know, you know, this time your body knows your mind knows and you can just ride that flow there. Okay. I think we’re in a pretty good space.
We’re doing both. Yeah. We’re not waiting for the perfect time or season or for things to be in order to prioritize a time, but we’re also going to push. A little bit more order where you can and how you can in the morning. So I love this balance. I actually, I’m going to ask you one more question before I do the final question I usually do.
And that’s why creativity, why does it matter to you that you have this time?
Katie: I think it has always been something that has fueled me. It, it makes me appreciate the beauty around me. I think when I’m mostly what I paint is landscapes.
Monica Packer: I’ve done,
Katie: yeah, I’ve done some, you know, other things, but yeah, mostly it’s landscapes.
And so I think that reminds me how much I appreciate nature, how much I, you know, just helps me remember to notice the beauty around me. It makes me happy in my space too.
Monica Packer: You know, you didn’t use these words, but I feel like what you’re describing is it makes you feel alive.
Katie: Yes, exactly. Makes you feel
Monica Packer: like you.
Katie: It does. I think it brings me back to who I was you know, as a teenager, even in my twenties, you know, I love being a mom. I absolutely love it. I always wanted to be a mom, but, and I think this is a very common thing is that we lose a little bit of our, of ourselves and who we are when we are fully focused on that role.
And so, yeah, I think just feeling like myself again, and not just. My in my identity as a mom,
Monica Packer: what you just shared there is your reason for this. And I want you to really validate it because this matters not just for you, but it does matter for those kids that you’re taking care of, because what you’re going to give them as a mom who’s alive, that just sounds so beautiful to me to have a mom, like what, you know, sparkle in her eyes.
What do you want to make sure you remember from this call?
Katie: I think I just, what we just now talked about was Being myself, like finding my identity and kind of merging that with my identity as a mom, that they don’t have to be separate. I can still be myself and then function as a mom. and fit my identity into my daily life.
Monica Packer: Beautiful. And hopefully as you are trying this out, make peace with the trade offs that you’re, you are choosing to make instead of it just happening to you. I just wanted to add that that’s my takeaway too. Wow, Katie, this has been so Wonderful, wonderful for me, especially because I have similarly been working on that gentle push, pushing myself in certain areas of my life of getting back on the horse in many ways, gradually, but also a little bit uncomfortably, but with compassion and we’re doing it.
We’re doing it together. It’s going to be messy. It’s going to be imperfect, but we’re, we’re doing it. So I want to thank you for being here. And I also like to always offer to those who do these calls with me that you can check in with me. And I would love to hear how your progress goes or any hiccups that come up along the way.
So I’m there for you.
Katie: Okay. Yeah, that sounds great. I’m very excited, especially these little, little things in the morning, in the afternoon, I. I feel like they’re really doable and I feel really excited about starting.
Monica Packer: Wonderful. That’s how I want you to feel when you’re leaving this. Well, thank you again.
I hope you have a great Saturday.
Katie: Thanks. You as well.
Monica Packer: I’ll stop the recording there. Again, Katie, I will see you.
