Do you have time for yourself? I mean real time devoted to your self-care, hobbies, and working on your Do Something List.
I cannot emphasize enough the importance of making time for yourself amidst life’s hustle and bustle. And I understand the struggle firsthand – whether it’s juggling work, family, or just the chaos of everyday life, finding moments for self-care and personal fulfillment can seem impossible.
From self-care routines to rediscovering hobbies, in this episode I’ll explore how prioritizing your well-being can lead to a happier, more balanced life. Learn to reclaim your time and reconnect with yourself with these 6 practical tips.
Power of a Do Something List episode, Eve Rodsky episode, Plan a Me Day episode
About a few other things…
Sign up for the Go Getter Newsletter to get Progress Pointers in your inbox every Tuesday.
You can listen the episode below, or on Apple Podcasts/iTunes, Spotify, Youtube, Overcast, Stitcher, Pocketcasts, or search for “About Progress” wherever you get your podcasts. If you like the show please share it, subscribe, and leave a review!!
SHOW NOTES
Use code “PROGRESS” for 15% off One Skin.
Access exclusive supporter benefits
Sign up for the next Sticky Habit Intensive
Leave a rating and review for the podcast!
Lend your voice and experience + be featured on the show HERE
Join Monica on Facebook and Instagram
Songs Credit: Pleasant Pictures Music Club
TRANSCRIPT
Monica Packer: Hi, I’m Monica Packer, and you’re listening to About Progress, where we are about progress made practical.
Do you have any time for yourself? I’m talking time devoted to your self care, hobbies, and even working on your do something list. Brad’s been out of town for business more often this year, and each time he’s been gone, it’s like my body remembers that time. That this is what life used to feel like when he was working six days a week with long hours and a long commute, and I was solely in charge of all things home and kids.
Moments were and to myself were few and far between, and I can now pinpoint how the lack of time to myself was a big player, and how I lost myself and struggled to feel like myself. Even now, with Brad and I both primarily working from home, our lives are so packed it’s still difficult to find that time, whether or not it’s officially to myself because there’s seven of us crammed into this house, with the most demanding of us being a 14 month old.
This is all to say, If you are struggling with making time to and for yourself, I really get it. And that’s why what I have to share with you today is not only based in reality, it’s also shared with this intent. Take what works for you and leave the rest behind. Why does it matter that we take time for ourselves?
Life is full of responsibilities, many to most of them connected to people, and none of that can be ignored. If we step away, then those things often don’t get done. With so much to do and so little time to do it, why does it matter that we take time for ourselves? It’s really quite simple without time for our own self care, habits, interests, and hobbies.
We lose not only those things, but the self attached to them. Here are some signs that may help you realize that you do in fact need time for yourself. If you feel you’re not reacting in ways that reflect who you really are, then you need time. If you largely navigate to numbing behaviors over more restorative habits or hobbies, Then you need time.
If you end most days collapsing into bed, feeling distraught, that all starts again in just a few short hours, then you need time. If you don’t know what to do, when you do get a moment to yourself. Then you need time. Time to ourselves, rejuvenates our souls, both mind and body. It reminds us who we are. It provides an essential form of rest from our labors and it’s energizing.
So we have more to give from. The bad news is that this time doesn’t just happen. We have to make it. That means it needs to be a priority. We have to intentionally decide. We are making and taking that time for ourselves. It requires scheduling. It requires asking other people to do things that may even require some money.
But the best news is that this time is more about quality over quantity and consistency over intensity. That may seem like those two compete, but let me explain really quick. To take time for yourself, It actually doesn’t have to take much time. It matters more that it’s intentionally done and taking that time more often matters than the actual length of time you’re able to give at each go.
In other words, your goal is to create small wins, frequent moments to and for yourself. Next up, I’m going to share my. Six top tips to make time, but first let’s take a quick break for our sponsors.
I planted tulip bulbs for my first time ever last fall, and I have been so delightfully surprised to see that they are doing so well. poking out of the ground and pretty soon the flowers are going to come out and it’s making me feel like it is spring. And once spring rolls around there’s always things that I am recommitting to.
From deep cleaning and organizing my home to doing some interior design projects, preparing for our garden, which is my second year only, but I also reprioritize my do something list. If you haven’t made much progress in yours, and if that even includes not making one, you are in good company. Here at About Progress, we believe it is never too late.
And that includes it’s never too late to make your do something list or recommit. To help you with either of those, I would encourage you to take my do something list training. It has a free video workshop as well as a workbook and Tons of examples from real progressors from our community and the DSLs they’ve created for this year.
Join me in recommitting to you via your DSL. You could find our free training at aboutprogress. com slash DSL. It’s time for me to share the make time tips. Note that these tips build off of each other. They’re designed to be practical, but not all of them will be relevant to you. So take what works for you, stretch yourself where you know it’s time, And leave the rest behind.
My first tip is to add you to what you already do. Watch movies you like, play music you like, listen to audio books and podcasts that you love while you do things around the house, make a dish that you love, let your family and other household members get to experience the things you love. It’s okay to add you to what you already do.
My favorite way to do this. It’s to simply blast the music that I’m really into at the moment while I’m making dinner or cleaning something in the kitchen and family room because they’re both connected. My kids have gotten a little sick of Harry Styles and Randy Carlisle, but you know what? It doesn’t kill them.
In fact, you know what it does do? It makes them fans of the music I love too. So that first tip was add you to what you already do. The second way to make time is to make it a habit, meaning habitual self care. Ways that you regularly and predictably take care of yourself and even make time for yourself.
Maybe you want to exercise more regularly. Do a good skincare routine, journal, meditate. The big thing here is to ask yourself what will help you feel like you are deeply caring for yourself. And that’s what you want to focus on making a habit. Too often, it’s easy to get lost into what other people think makes a good day or makes them feel like themselves.
And that’s what Or also how they exercise, do skincare, journal, or meditate. For you, it needs to be, how can I deeply care for myself? And what does it look like for reals? If you need guidance in making your own habits there, this is where I recommend getting on the wait list for our next Sticky Habit Intensive at aboutprogress.
com slash intensive. This is my live course, Habit Challenge and Community, where I teach you the Sticky Habit Method and actually help you apply it in real time with a ton more accountability, motivation, and support. But right here, right now. All I’m going to tell you is that this is how we make time. We make it a habit.
So that way we don’t even have to think about it. It’s just part of our lives that we take time for ourselves. The third tip I have for you is to schedule it. Put time to and for yourself on the calendar. So similar to your habits, this time is expected and even more regular. One of my friends does this in a really great way that I love, Friday afternoons are her time.
And Saturday afternoons are her husband’s time. They each take turns taking care of the home and the children while the other one takes that, that time to themselves. I just thought that was a great idea, but if you don’t have that ability to have that regulation in your life, and that’s okay. Also, if you don’t have a as willing partner, we’re going to talk about that in a minute, but there’s other ways that you can still schedule it.
A quick example for me is that the fall of 22, Was one of the most hectic times of my life. This is when I was at the tail end of a pregnancy and trying to keep up with my podcast coaching. I did a grand habit tour to launch this sticky habit method when it used to be a self paced course. And then I was also preparing for maternity leave and it was actually way more work than I thought to prepare three months in advance.
I should have known anyway, between all of that, I knew that I was running from sundown to sunup. I would fall apart if I didn’t have a little time to myself. And the way I scheduled that was two ways. One is each month, as I was looking ahead at my calendar, I would set aside A few Thursday mornings for a quick hike with friends with, and I included the friends there.
So I would be accountable as you know, I’m an introvert more, but I love to have that accountability when I know a friend is going to join me, I’ll be there more, um, easily. And especially if it’s just one on one. That notches down my social anxiety a bit to be able to just go. So just a few Thursdays a month and then I would text the friends in advance and just say, Hey, can you go this day?
And another friend I’d say, Hey, do you want to go on a hike this day? And I knew they were counting on me. And those hikes were quick. It was three hours round trip. That was all I had while my preschooler, um, before he got home. And speaking of him, the second way I scheduled time to myself was I left Friday mornings early.
That happened to be the mornings each week that my preschooler did not have school. So instead, what we did is during that time, we would go on treasure hunts and get treats together. So he was actually doing something I liked. That’s going back to number one, that first tip. I’d love to go to thrift stores, antique stores, and just mull around and look at things.
And I also love to get special baked goods for treats. I’m like, I’m going to get that. Really into the croissants and anything really delicious like that. And going to a more fancy bakery than I normally get to go to. And I haven’t been able to do a Friday morning like that all of 2023 and so far into 2024, just because of the nature of having a baby, but I’m telling you, I look back on those Friday mornings with such fondness, not only did I get time to myself outside of my very hectic life, I also got to do that alongside a sweet little buddy.
Who really learned to love those things too. Um, and that is actually something I am wanting to get back into is having one morning a week where it can be me and my newest little buddy. And he and I going on our little treasure hunts together. One other thing I would suggest is lots of us have this on our DSL because you’ve seen this on mine for years.
It’s a me day. I did a whole episode on what a me day can entail, and I’ll make sure we link that in the show notes, but this is where you take some time for yourself. And this can be an afternoon. It can be a full day. It can be local. It can be somewhere out there. It doesn’t have to cost money. Listen to the episode.
I’ll tell you way more, but this is where you schedule that time. Put it literally on the calendar. Also, maybe schedule some things on your do something list, like your museum visit or your concert or trying that new bakery that you keep wanting to try, a schedule taking yourself to dinner or inviting girlfriends over, whatever it is that you keep thinking about doing and, and, and things that will really feel very, uh, and reinvigorating to you.
Schedule it. So far, my first three tips were to add you to what you already do, make it a habit, and schedule it. Most of these things can actually be done around other household members, but some cannot. And I understand that. And I also know that for those of you with children in the home are going to have a big how.
How do I do this? with children in the home. And if that’s the case, then I have three more tips that are especially designed for you or for anyone who has responsibilities in the household that are more demanding. Maybe you take care of an elderly parent, or maybe you have something job or responsibility related that it’s really difficult to step away from.
So here are some tips that I have for you. And these tips range in prices too, which I think is really important. So my fourth tip, or the first tip for all of these things, I’m just going to keep going with the original numbers. Okay. Ask for time. This one is free. You ask for someone else to step up and to the plate, whether that’s a significant other, a family member, or even my favorite one that I did forever, Was trade with a friend or neighbor.
This is especially clear for those of you who do have children. And I’ve seen my parents who’ve done this when we’ve had my grandparents live at home with them. They’ve done that with their own siblings would come by and just watch the parent for a few hours so that they could have that time to themselves too.
This is imperative for anyone who’s in the caregiving, um, season of life. I, I talked about how my favorite one was trade with a friend or neighbor. So let me just kind of expand on that a little bit. For most of our marriage, we lived really far from my family and I have a lot of siblings and they’re really used to helping each other out.
And my parents were able to do that a lot too, but since I live so far from them, I didn’t have that opportunity. I also could not. pay for a babysitter for many, many years. And so what I did is I had one, two, sometimes three friends where we had a little deal and we would say, okay, Wednesday afternoons, we are trading or Wednesday mornings, because maybe we’d have kids napping.
So Wednesday morning, I’ll take your kids and you go do what you want or need to do. And then the next Wednesday, it was her turn to watch my kids while I went and did some errands or did something I wanted to do myself. And sometimes it was like an every week thing. Other times it was like a once a month kind of thing, or we would trade off every other month.
But regardless, It was so helpful on both ends and it never made me feel like I was using someone and made me feel like we were both giving and both receiving. Now, for those of you who struggle to ask for help, especially if it involves someone who cannot do favors, like maybe you need, um, a mother in law or even a sister or a parent to come over and watch the kids, or you’re asking your spouse to do that, I want you to do everything you can to release the guilt.
of asking for help because all of us need that time. And many of us will be surprised with how willing people are to give us that time when they know one that we are asking because we need it. I don’t think we need to get to a desperate place, but I think they need to know like this is something that I would really love to be able to do.
Are you able to come and watch the kids for an hour, um, twice a month, something like that, even if it’s not regular, can you come Tomorrow. And that’s once every six months. It doesn’t have to be so like by the book, but regardless, say, I’m just needing some time to myself. Are you able to, to watch the kids during that time?
And if not ask someone else. Don’t give up the first time and with a spouse I know this can be particularly tricky for those of you who are kind of in marriages that have been more traditional in a sense that when the spouse is home, especially if it’s um, you know, a male husband and That’s his time to have his time I want you to, to be, um, courageous in many ways and express this with love, but also with clarity and conviction that you need time to, and to set this up in a win win way.
I would love for you to go and play basketball with your friends, or I know you’ve been wanting to go to that movie. How about you go with so and so? Am I able to go this afternoon in return? Or I was thinking I would love to go out with so and so, my girlfriend, to the Cheesecake Factory. Can you please watch the kids at night?
And I’d be happy to watch them tomorrow afternoon. So you have some time. Be willing to ask for the time and also to have those deeper conversations you may need to have about valuing each other’s time equally. Okay. The fifth tip requires minimal to maybe some more money, depending on a range here. So this is where you actually pay for time.
Now I’m going to be honest with you. There were many years where Brad just wasn’t around and I didn’t, again, have the family members that I could ask. So when a friend or a neighbor moved away, cause that often happened where we lived too in California or something just happened, maybe we got ill or we just fell out of the routine.
It did come down to paying for that time. And this is also something we have to have deeper discussions about with ourselves and as a family too, where needed, that paying for your own time is just as valuable as paying for a date night or for a job. And that counts. So with that, I have a couple. Ways you can do this that that are part of that range of minimal to more money You can start by simply having a younger sitter or even an older child in the family who act as Mommy’s helper and they come over maybe one afternoon a week or they take over one afternoon a week and the age range I’m thinking is actually like Eight to 11 year old.
I really think they can start that young. They are not watching the kids in a way that you can leave the home. This is a mommy’s helper for a reason. They’re there to just play with the kids. And this is why even an older child can do it in your family. They know their job is to. Watch and play with the kids, but you’re still there and you’re doing things around the home that you need to do.
But I would say you take that break, you read the book, you do the course you want, you take a bubble bath. If you need to, you take that time for yourself and they don’t even have to know what you’re doing. You can just say. And I lived in a really tiny home when I did this 1, 200 square feet. And they would be like on the other wall and I would be in the other room and that’s okay.
So this is something that younger kids, but still like old enough to do this, love doing because it gives them that chance to earn some responsibility. And the fun thing about this is if you do have a mommy’s helper, that’s outside of a family, um, you are training them to be the babysitter you want as they get older.
And as they get older, you can have a more regular day and time that they’re coming and you’re paying them more, and you also can step away with time. And that’s when the medium. price range comes up here. This is when you do need to be out of the house. You can hire, um, a responsible middle schooler to high schooler kid to come over for two hours a certain day of the week or maybe every other week.
And again, it’s like mommy’s helper extended. It’s just more of like a way for you to get that time to yourself. Um, I had one friend. He would simply hire a sitter every week for three hours, same day, same time that that high schooler came after early release. And the, the reason she did that was simply that she could go run all her errands because she had a very high need child who did not like to be out and about on the errands.
It was really hard to get stuff done outside of the home. So she did that. I actually had, I mentioned this on Instagram. I had so many women tell me that they. Have done this without any guilt. It made life so much better for everyone, for them to be able to go run errands without the kids with them. So that’s not ideally what I would love for you to be spending on your me time.
But at the same time, if that is me time, I know when I go to Trader Joe’s by myself and I can listen to my podcast and I’m driving to and from. It feels like me time. So. I’m not going to bang on that. That can be your thing. So get a more regular babysitter even once a week, every other week to come and watch the kids.
That was the medium payment. The maximum is, is something that a lot of people resist and it may not even be right or even needed for you. So just know that. And that’s having a more formal nanny or like more, um, in depth sitter, even child care, like preschool. And this is where, again, it depends on what your needs are, if you’re working or not, if you have the time or the money, or if you need the time and you have the money to do it.
So that’s the maximum level. But the reason I feel like it has to be brought up here is because so many people that you see online are doing this and they don’t talk about it. And I get that for many reasons because when you put your life online, you are often putting it out there for people to criticize and judge.
And a nanny thing can be really complicated or childcare in any form. And so I just want to tell you that I do have a sitter and my sitter comes for nine hours a week. And I’ve had her since my baby was three months old. Old, and this is the first time in five children that I’ve been able to have more regular support.
And I use that time to work, which in some ways can be like me time. But for me, it’s mostly not, it’s my work time and that’s okay. But I’m clearly telling you that to help you understand as someone who’s still considers herself a primarily stay at home mom, that this has been a complicated thing for me, but very needed.
And she’s actually leaving the state. In the spring. So, um, I don’t know what I’m going to do after that. I’ve actually going to try to work during the afternoon hours and see how it goes while the baby is sleeping. And my, my, uh, kindergartner is going to go to full day school starting in the fall. So maybe it will work out.
We’re going to see, but I’m telling you now that I’m giving myself permission to do that. To have to raise my hand and say, I do need a more regular sitter. Who’s here than more than just a couple of hours a week. Um, and, and part of this too, is for those of you who do feel like, uh, you, you can afford it, you need the time either for yourself or maybe some work that you’re doing.
I want you to have their permission to do that. And. And to also know that you have the ability to hire people that you feel safe in your home and who love your kids and who are also doing a lot of things in the home, like my sitter helps with folding laundry and sweeping the floor and washing windows.
Anything that we need like that when the baby’s either asleep or otherwise occupied, um, and that has been so helpful too, to just know that she’s also helping me take care of my household management, even when the baby’s asleep. So, wow, that was a little more long winded, but that tip was to pay for time and the range was minimal to more in terms of money.
The last tip I have for you is also a range of free to minimal to more money required. And this is outsource what takes up time for you. So let’s start with free. The way you outsource what takes up time so much for you is you delegate more tasks to your children and to your spouse. You would be surprised what even young children are capable of doing.
They can make their beds, they can vacuum, they can dust and take out the trash, they can even do their own laundry. Our kids fold their own laundry starting at five and they learn how to wash and dry their own clothes around seven. Also, a spouse. I know not all of us have them. So I want to say that with a lot of Grace, for those of us who do not, but if you do have a spouse and one who is home occasionally, and I’m even thinking about our busy times when we saw Brad one day a week.
And so I understand that you may not have this opportunity, but if, and when you do, I want you to, to dare to have some shifts in your household in terms of communicating more often or more clearly. On who is doing what it doesn’t have to be a 50 50 split within a partnership or a marriage, meaning we don’t have to have all the chores split 50 50.
Brad and I don’t have that arrangement, even though he works from home. He works from home like 10 hours a day in his office. He needs to primarily be up there. He’ll come down and say hi to us and get some food. And he will very nicely watch a kid or two, but I need to go run and do something and the sitter’s not here, but most of the time he’s, he’s there.
He’s working and. He is, since he’s home more than he ever was before, he does do more around the home than he did in the past. And even then, it’s still not 50 50. It’s not about, hey, I did this, you need to do that. It’s more about, we value each other’s time equally. And when we are better together Home together, when he is home, it is 50 50.
When he’s able to be downstairs, he’s off the clock. It is 50 50. We are both putting in 50 50 with the home responsibilities. And that’s something that takes a lot of time and communication and sometimes even therapy to work out within a couple. But this is something I can tell you will change so much of your life.
When you know that your time is being spent. being valued, your contribution is being valued, and also your family members are contributing to the home, its maintenance, its repair, its upkeep, in ways that are not only going to help them better appreciate what it takes to require a home to stay afloat, but also to recognize that invisible labor is is not invisible, that there’s a person doing it.
And I am so glad that out of my five kids, it’s four sons who, in particular, get to push against, uh, the narratives we’ve had so long on the gender equity, uh, distribution in the home, and that I’m raising men who know that What it takes to, to maintain a home. So, and my daughter too, of course, but that’s like almost a given, which is sad.
So I’m actually considering doing a workshop on the division of labor and the forum in the fall. So, uh, just stay tuned for that, but just know it starts with getting on the same page, whether this is with a spouse or family members, it requires handing over some tasks. Bit by bit, and also entails them letting them do it with the expectation that it’s not up to you to remind them to do things.
This is for kids and it’s true for spouses. And again, it takes time and bit by bit. When we started getting back into our kids doing laundry, we did have to have a pretty clear plan. Monday is your day, Tuesday is your day, and then if they, we already have those days going on. That’s the day that the kid is in charge of, uh, praying in our morning prayer, and also, uh, wash the dishes at night after dinner, and they also get to choose the show.
So, as part of that, we already got to choose that same day. To me that be their laundry day. And the deal was for a while, if their laundry wasn’t done all on their own, by the time it’s time for us to watch a show at night together, they don’t get to choose what the show is. And that was really hard for me to walk past rooms with laundry baskets that were overflowing when I knew it was their day.
But I had to let them have those natural consequences in a kind way. And now most of the time, my kids do it. And most of the time we don’t have to remind them. And it’s actually not typically on their days anymore, and it still is working well enough. And whenever it doesn’t, we’re going to go back to that day routine of, of it’s your day for these things.
And also if they’re not done, then that’s sadly the consequences. You don’t get to pick the show. They still got to watch one. They just don’t get to pick it. Um, I’d also recommend the book Fair Play by Eve Rotsky on this. Um, We had a whole interview with her, so I’ll link to that as well. That book is really incredible.
Other ways that you can outsource what takes up time. I just shared the freeway. The next one’s going to be shorter, but this also is a range of what you need and what you can afford. So paid for services like doing grocery pickup or even delivery. I haven’t done delivery because it’s more expensive, so I just do pickup.
Maybe doing that instead of spending time in the store. Other services include meal plans, like where they tell you what to make for dinner, And they give you a grocery list that way when you go do the grocery pickup, you don’t have to, you can just do that online and go pick it up. Whatever you find yourself spending time regularly doing that other people can do, and you have the money to contribute to that, you can do that.
And again, I think the range is so much bigger than people think, meaning it doesn’t have to take too much, and it can take a lot. It can take a lot, but this is where I don’t want you to hear the word outsource and think not me. There are so many ways to outsource, starting with your own household members.
Now, I’m going to be really honest with you. That last one in particular, largely isn’t even workable in our home. I did tell you, we have a sitter that comes nine hours a week. Most of the time, she is there for the kids. It, that’s it. Like I don’t require her to cleaning when she is like hands on deck with the kids, but when she can, she does.
There are lots of things I would love to have. In terms of outsourcing that we can’t afford a house cleaner. Um, maybe other people would want someone to wash and fold their laundry. I know people do that and that sounds awesome. Um, meal prep. I think it’s okay to have a one day list. I have one too, but I’m also not waiting until then.
This is where we are just gradually getting our kids to do more and more as they get older. And it does help so much as well as having consistent communication with my spouse about who’s doing what. And that has been a 16 and a half year journey for us too. So take heart if it takes time. Okay. So I shared a lot there.
Let’s review those tips. Add you to what you already do. Make it a habit, schedule it, ask for time, pay for time, and outsource what takes up time. What if you don’t know how to use that time? I’m covering that next after the break.
We recently finished our first round of the Sticky Habit Intensive, and this is my now live course, Habit Challenge and Community, all designed to help you learn my Sticky Habit Method. The Sticky Habit Method is designed for busy women with little time, low energy, And limited support and ways that we can still form habits that support us in ways that we need and in ways that stick.
The time in our intensive surprised, even me, we not only learned so much together. We had such a level of support that I have never really seen online before. And not only did the women learn so much that helped change the way they do habits and the one that they worked on throughout the challenge together.
The best part to me is that they learned so quickly. That habits are about who we are, and that includes the way we support ourselves, but even the way we see ourselves. It was so beautiful to see women change that one woman in particular said life changing experience. I almost didn’t take the class because of fear, anxiety, and doubt, but with little courage, I decided to take the intensive.
And I’m so glad I did. In three weeks, I learned so much about habit formation, learn how to face my anxiety. And gain confidence as I implemented my WTA and use the practice model and learn more about me and how to honor and prioritize myself, which feels so amazing forever grateful. If you’re looking for small to big shifts in your habit formation, make sure you get on the wait list for our next sticky habit intensive.
You can do that at aboutprogress. com slash intensive again, that’s aboutprogress. com slash intensive.
Sometimes when we finally have a moment that we could use for ourselves, we instead find ourselves self sabotaging in ways that involve us largely doing numbing behavior, whether that includes scrolling our phones or even mopping the floor, because numbing behavior can even be disguised as productivity.
When this happens, just know that it’s your mind’s tricky and largely ineffective way of protecting itself. And it’s protecting itself from fears. Fears that you may worry will be fulfilled. Like, I’m afraid of being interrupted. So I have that moment, but if I take it, I’m going to be interrupted and disappointed.
I’m worried about appearing selfish. I’m concerned it won’t work. That’s especially true for those of you who are ready to have that conversation with your household members and you’re worried it won’t work. So it’s easier to not have it and continue to do everything and never have time for yourself.
The next fear could be, I wonder if it would even be worth it. Like maybe you think I make all this time. I even schedule, um, a mommy’s helper and I’m going into my room to read. And what if it won’t even feel worth it? Hmm. And another way we can self sabotage is with this fear. I don’t know what to do with that time.
With all of these fears, I’d encourage you to play the what if and what is game. I do this with clients often. To each of the what ifs, what if I’m going to be interrupted? What if I appear selfish? What if it doesn’t work? What if it’s not worth it? What if I don’t know what to do with that time? And I would speak to each of those what ifs With what is, what is the truth about that fear?
Let me give a couple examples. What if I’m interrupted? The truth is I may be interrupted. And when that happens, I will deal with it calmly, but firmly. I will say. It’s time for you to return to playing back to playing your game with the mommy’s helper or mommy’s taking a long time right now. I will be back out in 20 minutes.
Another one. I’m concerned it won’t work. If, so what is, what is the truth? Okay. What is the truth? It may not work what I do, I may not find myself restored or fulfilled, and if that’s the case, it’s not the wrong thing, I might just be the wrong time. Or if it’s the wrong thing, then that gives me information that I need to try something different, but I’m not going to give up after the first pass.
And now let’s go to the last one, because to me this is actually a lot bigger. The people may think, I don’t know what to do with that time. What if I don’t know what to do? Your what is there can be, I will learn what I like to do with that time. That fear of not knowing what to do at the time is a very common issue for a lot of women.
And this is where I tell you I have a fantastic, and many would say life changing solution for you, the Do Something List. The DSL is a practical push to prioritize fulfillment in your everyday life. It’s a list to help you uncover and discover who you are. The point is exploration, not completion. Doing a DSL.
It largely helps you figure out what you like to do with your time when you have it. It will give you a pathway to figuring that out as well as the end results of having a list of things that you know, Oh, I have some free time. That means I get to do my watercoloring that I learned I love to do, or I get to work in my garden, or I get to read this book, whatever it is that you discover with your DSL.
Again, I have a free training for you at aboutprogress. com slash DSL. It’s never too late to make one, but I do have a quick refresher for you. I recently recorded an episode with Jessica Jackson from Thriving in Motherhood podcast. I linked to it. And in fact, this episode was inspired by the conversation Jessica and I had.
And she asked me a question that we didn’t really have as much time as I would have wanted to build it out. The question was, how do you find the time? For your DSL. So this episode is actually my full response to that. But for those of you who are still feeling especially worried about not knowing what to do with that time, I just want to play a quick clip from that episode, and I will link to this in the show notes for those of you who want the full thing.
Can you give me like 10 things that you had on your do something list over the years? Yes. And then. Or if you’ve got it handy, more, just read them. I just want to hear what this looks like. And then the second thing is, where do you have time for this? Because I think probably one of the big questions is like, okay, that’s great, but like, I’m running a household and I’m running a business and I’m homeschooling my kids or whatever, you know, everyone’s got their own list, or I’ve got little babies and I’m drowning and just trying to make it through the day.
Where do you find time for these extra things? I’d actually like to answer the second question first, because I think it will give you clarity on what a do something list is not. We’ve talked about it’s not goals. It’s not resolutions. It’s not about meeting metrics. It’s about exploration. It also is not about shoulds.
So what I help women do is you first start with a lot of reflection on different parts of yourself that you want to bring back to your life. Like we talked about, you also reflect on different things that you’ve been wanting to try, the things that you find yourself thinking, I wish I could do that, or, wow, it’s so cool that they’re doing that.
I wonder if I could kind of the things you get curious about and you brainstorm a list. And from there you finalize. And the reason I’m bringing this up is because there are things that are right for you, But they’re not right for your season. And that’s where the time piece comes into play is, yes, it is possible for you to create a do something list that pushes you to do things differently, to do something, but not in ways where you are paying prices that are too high for you to pay within your current season.
So you can honor what are my time constraints, what responsibilities are really ever present right now that I need to prioritize more. Is this my year of going full out? Is this my year of just making sure I am prioritizing my creativity or prioritizing my rest? Is this a year where I need a lot of adventure?
To get out of the house, or is this a year where I need to explore being in my little cave and that’s where the season comes into play with the time piece as you’re honoring both what your wants are and what you want to explore and what you’re curious about, what you want to find fulfillment through, and you’re even just finding out what is it.
Because that was what my first list was. Like, what is Monica? What am I interested in? What, who am I anymore? And exploring that in a fun way helped me so much. But beyond that, finding the time for it. One, it does need to be a little bit of a push, but not a snap. It’s just like any kind of rubber band, right?
When you have a rubber band and you’re, you’re gently kind of stretching it out and you do it enough. And That that rubber band can stretch out a little bit. It’s capacity grows, its ability to create and find time and space for things grows as it’s gently stretched. But if you stretch it too much and too fast, that band is going to stamp.
It’s the same with your time. So we want to make sure your do something list matches your season. And that we also know that with your first list, especially you want to start small and doable ways of exploring that fulfillment so that you can gently stretch this part of yourself. And. You’re going to find maybe more time and more capacity, or you’re going to find this is just enough time for my season.
Maybe you’ll find more ideas that you can add to your list because it’s a living document. It’s allowed to change. You’re allowed to add things. You’re allowed to take things off. You’re allowed to not complete every single item. In eight years, I’ve never completed a full list, and that’s been the point.
But as you’re doing that, you’ll find what works well within my time frame. Now, it will require a little bit of you doing something differently. To support yourself in, in ways that you need, but are also different than what you normally do. And that’s where the do ability comes into mind. Start with the funnest thing on your list.
Also seems doable. Maybe that’s going to a play. So maybe that doesn’t mean every single week you’re going to this giant affair. You’re leaving the house. You have to have childcare. You have to make arrangements and it takes a lot of time and energy more. It’s like one time this year. I’m going to go to a play.
I see that one coming up sooner rather than later in the year. So that’s the one I’m going to prioritize first. Or maybe it fits into your current life. One of the items on my first list was to try 20 new recipes. And since I already cooked, it was a way to add what I love about cooking, like try new things and being creative with it to what I already do.
And I counted. Trying a new type of oatmeal. Like it wasn’t like it had to be elaborate stuff. It was trying 20 new recipes, period. If it was new, it counted. So you can find ways to embed it in your life or to find doable ways to prioritize it without sacrificing your life. And I’ll just share a couple more ideas so that they can get some examples.
On my list this year, one of the things I have is I, I want to go on three adventures with my kids. And that’s just where we try something new. Maybe we’ll go to a new park. Maybe we’ll try a new hike. Maybe we’ll go to a new museum. Another thing on my list is I want to learn three new piano songs. That’s because playing the piano makes me feel like myself.
I’m not very good at it. I’m not going to perform anywhere. This is more, how can I explore music again in my life? Well, I can learn three piano songs throughout the year or even two or even one. And that way it’s just a little bit of time over the course of time that I’m investing in my DSL. Then I have some bigger ones.
One of mine is to take on five creativity challenges. And I did this just last year as my first year doing that. And I only did three of the five and not only like that was so fulfilling for me. It made such a difference in my life that I wanted to do it and it’s going to be like embroidery. And that’s a creativity challenge.
I’m going to learn how to embroider. Another thing I have is I want to draw a portrait of my kid. So it’s not like I’m taking a portrait class and I have to go outside of class at my home and do that. Although that could be on the list, but they’re just fun ways to explore myself. So there’s variety to your list too.
You want to have things that are easy to accomplish. And there are things that might be even more of a stretch, but in the beginning, especially just focus on stretching that little band that you’ve got and taking time for yourself, not snapping. I love this idea that, you know, it’s really powerful in those, like, early years, like you said, when you, you know, were kind of in the young fates of motherhood had gotten lost.
But I feel like my kids are getting older now and there’s so much going on and I’m like, you know, it’s been a, I used to do woodworking and I don’t know, like I had all of these things that I did with my kids and now my kids are doing all those things and I’m like managing a lot of stuff and so I’m thinking this sounds like fun again to just bring, you know, not just like work all the time or like focus on getting things done a lot of the time or even, I do a lot of things for homeschool so I’m doing fun things with my kids all the time but like just something new for me.
Yeah. Yeah. Something different. For no reason, except to do it. It’s, yeah, it’s, it’s not about productivity. Yeah. It’s not about the outcome. And that’s the biggest lesson that the DSL has taught me. It’s the transformation lies in the process, not the outcome. It’s never about completing my list that gives me that fulfillment.
It’s in the trying that I rediscover who I am, that I’m able to be more of myself and experience the trickle down effect that comes from that. Yeah. That’s fantastic. Well, and I, yeah, I just talked with so many moms that. that need this, that are missing this, you know, just that reminder that it’s okay to be creative.
It’s okay to, I don’t know, like take up space, right? Like to, yeah. Especially if they’re out of practice with hobbies or if like, if we said, if you had a day to yourself, what would you do? And they don’t know the answer. That’s where they should make a do something list that will help them find out the answer.
That’s fantastic. I hope this episode gave you the hug and kick in the pants you need to grow. I am not going to share progress pointers from this episode, but I will be recapping our six make time tips. And I will have a graphic still for that. And that will go out as part of our regular newsletter. You can sign up at aboutprogress.
com slash newsletter. And if you are listening to this after that newsletter already went out, Don’t worry. After you subscribe, you can still email me at hello at aboutprogress. com and you can request a graphic from this episode and we will email it back to you right away. So here are the make time tips.
Add you to what you already do. Make it a habit. Schedule it. Ask for time. Pay for time. Outsource what takes up time. Your Do Something Challenge this week is to start with add. Adding you to what you already do. I already shared my go to is music. I like when I’m in the kitchen. And I’m going to think on one other way that I can do that.
I am thinking, it’s been a really long time since. We have watched some old fashioned movies. That was something my family did a ton growing up. I’m thinking like Gene Kelly kind of movies. So I’m going to decide which day of the week, maybe Sunday would be a good day to watch an old time movie as a family.
And that’s a good way for us to add me to something we already do, which is we love to watch a show together on Sunday afternoons. Before we go a quick reminder that this show is listener supported. We just had the best private workshop for ride or die supporters, all about how to better manage your stress via deep self care habits.
You can get access to that recording by becoming a ride or die. There are three levels of supporters total, starting at just 2 a month, and that ride or die level is just 7 a month. So if you want to get that workshop, that’s going to cost A lot more money than that when I opened it up to the public. You can still get it for that price by signing up at aboutprogress.
com slash support. You can also support the show for free. Simply leave a review or share this episode right now with a friend. Thank you so much for listening. Now go and do something with what you learned today.
